The Lord of the Braces
by Pip the Dark Lord of All
Summary: This is a parody of the Lord of the Rings. In which all dentists are evil. If you are a dentist you might not like this. Dentists will be insulted. And probably die. FOTR IS FINISHED!
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so this parody will be really long, if enough people are interested.

Oh, and the elvish is the same as in the movie. I'm not going to try and translate it.

If you are a dentist, might not like this. Dentists will be insulted. And probably die.

Disclaimer: If I owned this, there would be a movie.

Oh, and the following chapters are a lot better than this one.

**The Lord of the Braces**

**Scene 1 ~ Prologue: One Pair of Braces to Rule Them All...**

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

I amar prestar aen _(The floss is changed)._  
Han mathon ne nen _(I feel it in the mouthwash)_  
Han mathon ne chae _(I taste it in my toothpaste)_  
A han noston ned gwilith _(I smell it in your mouth.)_  
Much that once was is lost. For none now live who remember it.

A forge appears where someone is forging some braces.

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

It began with the forging of the Great Braces.

Three mouths are shown.

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

Three were given to the elves. (Galadriel looks at her mouth in the mirror. Gil-Galad and Cirdan are behind her looking at theirs.) Immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.(seven braces are given to the dwarves) Seven to the dwarf lords, great brewers and craftsmen of the coffee shops. (The camera moves back and focuses in on nine men with braces looking at themselves in a mirror) And nine, nine braces were gifted to the race of men. Who above all else, desire perfect teeth. (They fade away to a black screen.)

Changes to show a map of Middle Earth.

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

For within these braces was bound the strength and will to make candy for each race. (The map moves towards Dentistdor) But they were all of them deceived. (Black screen.)For another pair of Braces was made. (Map reappears showing Dentistdor.) In the land of Dentistdor, (Mount Orthopedic appears on the screen.) in the fires of Mount Orthopedic, (Changes to show Head Dentist wreathed in flames.) the dark Head Dentist forged in secret a master pair of Braces (shows Head Dentist in full armour holding the Braces.) to control all others and into this pair of Braces he poured all his cruelty, his toothpaste (fire moves across the screen and the Braces appear spinning over and over.) and his will to dominate all teeth. (Shows Head Dentist's mouth with the One Pair of Braces on it.) One Pair of Braces to Rule them all.

The scene changes to show the map of Middle Earth again. Scenes of strife and war fade in behind the map…

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

One by one the free teeth of Middle Earth fell to the power of the Braces. But there were some who resisted. (Changes to show soldiers advancing on a battlefield.) A last alliance of Elves and Men marched against the armies of Dentistdor. And on the slopes of Mount Orthopedic they fought for the freedom of Middle Earth.

We see the armies of dentists battling with the armies of Elves and Men.

ELCHOCOLATE:

Tangado haid! _(Hold positions!)_

The Elves bring up their shields.

ELCHOCOLATE:

Leithio i philinn! (Throw candy!_) _

The Elves throw candy into the ranks of dentists. The dentists advance and the Elves bring up their candy bars to slash into the front line. The battle ensues and is very fierce. We see Gil-Galad spear an dentist on the ground with a Mounds bar. Elendil brandishes a Heath Toffee Bar.

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

Victory was near. (Elchocolate stops fighting, Elendil stops fighting, they look up in fear.) But the power of the Braces (The Head Dentist steps onto the battlefield with the Braces in his mouth) could not be undone.

The Elves and Men back off looking fearful. The Head Dentist comes forward. He swings his dental pick scattering Men and Elves all over the field. Elendil moves forward to try to engage him, but he is thrown away by the pick. He crumples against the rock, dropping the heath bar.

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

It was in this moment, (Isildur moves towards his father, takes his helmet off and holds Elendil to him.) that Isildur, son of the King, took up his father's candy bar.

Isildur looks up at the Head Dentist and dives for the toffee bar. The Dentist stamps on it breaking it. He makes a grab for Isildur who swipes at his mouth with the broken bar, breaking the teeth with the Braces on it. The Braces fall to the ground. Elendil opens his eyes and looks at it in astonishment. Isildur looks up at the Head Dentist who begins to glow brighter and brighter. There is a massive explosion sending a shock wave all across the armies, knocking the soldiers from their feet. The Head Dentist's mouth mask floats to the ground.

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

The enemy of the Free Teeth of Middle Earth was defeated. (Isildur picks up the Braces and looks at them.) The Braces passed to Isildur.(The teeth disintegrate leaving just the Braces and some ash in his hand.) Who had this one chance to destroy evil forever. (The scene changes to Isildur riding through some woods on a horse.) But the teeth of Men are easily corrupted.(The Braces are shown on a chain around Isildur's neck) And the Braces of Power have a will of their own.

Isildur and his men are ambushed by some dentists. Isildur is knocked off his horse. The dentists attack his men and brush their teeth. He pulls the Braces off their chain and puts them on. He disappears instantly. As the battle continues he runs and dives into the river, but as he is swimming the Braces fall out of his mouth revealing him to his enemies. He grabs for it but misses it.

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

It betrayed Isildur (he gets shot in the back by arrows.) to his death. (He floats off down the river and the Braces sinks to the riverbed. As it sinks…) And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. (Black screen.) History became legend, legend became myth, (the screen shows the river wreathed in mist.) and for two and a half thousand years the Braces passed out of all knowledge. (Changes to show the Braces partly buried in the silt at the bottom of the River.) Until, when chance came (a hand appears and grabs the Braces) It ensnared a new bearer. (A dirty mouth opens to reveal the Braces.)

GOLLUM:

My Precious!

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

The Braces came to the creature Gollum who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. (Mountains are shown.) And there it consumed him.

Scene changes to the underground passages of the mountains, showing bits of fish sticks all around the ground. The camera moves up to show Gollum crouched on a rock in the centre of a lake.

GOLLUM:

It came to me, my own, my love, my own, my Precious.

He hears a sound and grabs the Braces to him looking around.

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

The Braces brought to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years it straightened his teeth. And in the gloom of Gollum's cave it waited. (Black screen. A silver full moon appears.) Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumour grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a straight-toothed fear. (The river is shown again with ripples moving outwards as Galadriel speaks.) And the Braces of Power perceived. (A sunrise is shown.) Its time had now come. (The Braces are falling down a rock tinkling as it falls.) It abandoned Gollum. (Black screen.) But something happened then that the Braces did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable. (The Braces are on the ground. A hand gropes and picks it up.)

BILBO:

What's this?

GALADRIEL VOICE OVER:

A Hobbit. Bilbo Baggins of the Shire. (He picks the Braces up and looks at them)

BILBO:

BRACES! (He smiles).

GOLLUM:

(Wailing) Lost! (Bilbo stands up and listens. He puts the Braces in his pocket.) My Precious is lost.

The scene changes to show clouds over the mountains.

GALADRIEL:

For the time will soon come when Hobbits will shape the fortunes of all.

End scene 1

Someone said I should put more variants into this. I will try to made the next chapters better. If anyone has any ideas, please review or pm me.㈳3 If your interested, please say something. It will get crazier later on...


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, this chapter will be better, we promises.

Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. *sigh*

**Scene 2**

Frodo is eating caramels. He hears Gumdalf approaching. He is singing about bubble gum. Frodo leaps to his feet and screams...

FRODO:

It's Gumdalf, the Bubble Gum maker! Yaaaaahoooooo!

GUMDALF:

And I must chew it if I can.

Frodo runs up and looks down at Gumdalf from a bank. Gumdalf stops.

FRODO:

You're don't have any gum!

GUMDALF:

A bubble gum maker never forgets gum, Frodo Twizzler. Nor does he eat it all, he brings as much as he needs to.

FRODO:

Nice speech, Gumdalf. Now give me some gum!

GUMDALF:

Very well. Come and get it!

FRODO:

Its wonderful to chew your gum again, Gumdalf!

GUMDALF:

You didn't think Id miss your Uncle Skittles' birthday? (He laughs)

GUMDALF:

So how is the old chewer? I hear it is going to be a party of special significance?

FRODO:

You know Skittles he's got the whole place in an uproar.

GUMDALF:

Well that will please him.

FRODO:

Half of Candy Land's been invited. And the rest of them are turning up anyway.

To tell you the truth, Skittles has been acting rather strange lately. (He looks at Gumdalf concerned.) I mean, more than usual. He's stopped eating candy. (Shows Bilbo looking at his mouth) He spends hours and hours staring at his mouth when he thinks I'm not looking.

Bilbo puts the mirror down and starts to go crazy. He searches his pockets for something, turning them out.

BILBO:

Where's it gone?

(He searches his Hobbit hole, looking through bags of candy, becoming more and more anxious. He throws down his bag and coat, and then he touches his waistcoat pocket, puts his hand inside and takes something out relieved.)

BILBO:

Aaaaah. (He closes his hand and brings it up to his mouth with his eyes closed.)

Scene changes back to Frodo and Gumdalf.

FRODO:

He's up to something. (Gumdalf looks at Frodo mysteriously. Frodo looks up at him.) All right then, keep your secrets!

GUMDALF:

What? (He tries to look as if he doesn't know what Frodo is on about.)

FRODO:

But I know you have something to do with it. You stick your sticky nose in everything! Must come from eating so much candy!

GUMDALF:

Good gracious me!

FRODO:

Before you came along we Twizzlers were very well thought of.

GUMDALF:

Indeed?

FRODO:

We never had any straight teeth, or ate anything strange.

GUMDALF:

If you're referring to the incident with the gold-hungry dentist, I was barely involved. All I did was give Skittles a little nudge out of the door.

FRODO:

Whatever you did, you've been officially labelled as a 'disturber of the teeth'

GUMDALF:

Oh really? Why anyone would think such things is beyond me.

CHILDREN HOBBITS:

Gumdalf! Gumdalf!

They run after the cart past the Hobbits in the garden.

CHILDREN HOBBITS:

Candy Gumdalf! Gumdalf! Candy Gumdalf!  
They become disappointed as the cart pulls away from them. Frodo looks at Gandalf. The children stand dejected. Suddenly candy flies from the cart and covers the ground.

CHILDREN HOBBITS:

Hooooraaaay! (They scream and begin stuffing it into their mouths. Frodo smiles at Gumdalf who laughs.

FRODO:

Gumdalf, I'm glad you're back. There will be so much more candy now! I mean, what's life without candy? And lots of it?

GUMDALF:

I don't know, dear boy. Always remember this: If you have candy, all will turn out well. Where there's candy, there's hope. (Frodo leaves)

There is a panoramic view of the Candy Land. Gumdalf drives around from the back of the hill into view as he pulls up towards M&amp;M End. He stops, pauses and smiles as he looks at it. He kicks open the gate, which has a sign on it… NO ADMITTANCE, EXCEPT ON CANDY BUSINESS.

* * *

Please review! ㈷0


	3. Chapter 3

Here's chapter three...thanks soooo much for the reviews!

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

**Scene 3**

Gumdalf knocks on the door with the end of his candy cane.

SKITTLES:

(from inside) No thank you! We don't want any more people, candy givers or anything else! (Gumdalf laughs)

GUMDALF:

And what of them who bring candy?

The door opens and Skittles stands there surprised.

SKITTLES:

Gumdalf?

GUMDALF:

Skittles Twizzler!

SKITTLES:

YEEEEEEHAAAAA! Gumdalf you wonderful bringer of candy, come in! You have brought candy, of course. You always do! Frodo will be so glad you have come!

GUMDALF:

He met me on the way here. Wanted gum, of course.

SKITTLES:

You want anything to eat? I haven't got any candy, I'm afraid.

GUMDALF:

I brought candy, thank you.

SKITTLES:

I was expecting you sometime last week. I ran out of candy a while ago. Really, Gumdalf, you should be ashamed of yourself! Leaving us without candy for so long! Not that it matters; you come and go as you please. Always have done and always will. So you don't want any food?

GUMDALF:

Why would I eat that when I could have candy?

SKITTLES:

You're right! Give me some of that candy!

GUMDALF:

You have to pay!

SKITTLES:

But it's my birthday. Give me some candy, Gumdalf, I never knew you to be so cruel before.

GUMDALF:

Oh, all right, you win. Here, I have some Everlasting Gobstoppers.

SKITTLES:

Wherever did you find them? I have felt such a need for Everlasting Gobstoppers. It has been unbearable!

GUMDALF:

Find them? Really Skittles, you underestimate me. I did not find them, I made them myself!

SKITTLES: (in a deep, evil sounding voice)

Impressive. Most impressive.

GUMDALF:(looking slightly worried)

So you mean to go through with your plan then?

SKITTLES:

Yes, yes, it's all in hand. All the arrangements are made. (He stuffs gobstoppers into his mouth, Gumdalf hands him more.) Oh, thank you.

GUMDALF:

Frodo suspects something. He is very disturbed by the lack of candy lately at M&amp;M End.

SKITTLES:

Of course he's disturbed, he's a Twizzler, not some tootheaded Bracegirdle from Hardbottle. (He keeps stuffing candy into his mouth)

GUMDALF:

You will tell him won't you? Once you leave, he will have to find candy for himself. A hard task for anyone.

SKITTLES:

Yes, it's the only thing that worries me.

GANDALF:

He's very fond of your candy.

SKITTLES:

I know, I feel so sorry to leave him without it. If he is ever going to be on his own, however, he must learn to find his own candy. I need...I need a rest. Lots of candy. Endless sweets. I feel thin, stretched, like candy coating too many teeth. I think I will make for Hershey's chocolate.

(Scene changes, the two are outside chewing gum)

SKITTLES:

Wriggly's, the finest gum in Middle-Earth.

SKITTLES:

Gumdalf my old friend, tonight there will be candy to remember.

Review? Please? ㈷1


	4. Chapter 4

Here's chapter four. Thanks to OneSizeFitsAll for the awesome reviews! You made my day.

Disclaimer: If only they were mine...

**Scene 4**

A huge piñata bursts open, spreading candy everywhere. Hobbits run madly about gathering it and stuffing it into their mouths. There is a sign saying "Happy Birthday Skittles Twizzler." Many hobbits are dancing and eating. A huge bowl of lemonheads is being carried across the field above the heads of the hobbits. Frodo is dancing whilst others help themselves to Tootsie Rolls. SodaSam is sitting at a table catching glimpses of Rosie dancing behind him. Skittles is walking around, greeting the guests and handing out sweets.

FRODO:

(sitting down next to SodaSam) Go on SodaSam, ask Rosie for a lemonhead.

SODASAM:

(looks nervous) Ah, I think I'll just have another tootsie roll. (he gets up)

FRODO:

Oh no you don't! You just got to try a lemonhead! There's so much better than Tootsie Rolls!

SODASAM: But I don't want a lemonhead.

FRODO: Here, have one! (He sticks one in SodaSam's mouth)

SODASAM: Hey, those are awesome! Did Gumdalf bring them?

FRODO: Of course Gumdalf brought them! He brings the best candy!

SODASAM: I know he does, he brought the Tootsie Rolls!

FRODO: Oh, SodaSam. Lemonheads are much better than Tootsie Rolls.

SODASAM: No they aren't!

FRODO: Whatever, let's just eat lots of both.

SODASAM: Great! (They do so)

Gumdalf is hanging more piñatas in the trees.

SKITTLES:

(talking to a group of hobbit children) So there I was at the mercy of three monstrous dental assistants and they were all arguing amongst themselves about how they were going to clean our teeth. Whether our teeth should be scraped with a dental pick, flossed, or brushed with TOOTHPASTE! (the children gasp. They are not used to horror stories) They spent so much time arguing the witherto's and whyfor's that Gumdalf arrived and smothered them all with candy! And they all died, ridding the world of a great evil!

Gumdalf laughing to himself gathers more piñatas from his cart. As he turns away Merry appears from around the side of the cart. He taps the side of the tent next to it, and Pippin appears

MERRY:

Quickly (he gives Pippin a leg-up into the cart)

Gandalf breaks open a piñata amongst a group of children which sends hundreds of skittles rolling on the ground for the children to chase.  
Meanwhile Pippin picks up a piñata from the cart and shows it to Merry

MERRY:

No no! the big one, big one!

Pippin picks up one shaped like Willy Wonka's head, shows it to Merry and Pippin jumps from the cart and runs into a tent. Merry nonchalantly takes a bite of his giant gummy bear and runs after him

SKITTLES:

Mrs Bracegirdle, how nice to see you. Welcome. Is all this candy yours?

MRS BRACEGIRDLE:

Yes.

SKITTLES:

Good gracious you have been productive! It's hard to make so much candy!

Suddenly Skittles' ears start to twitch. He turns quickly and worriedly, bumping straight into Frodo

SKITTLES:

(points behind him) Toothpaste-Twizzlers! (they turn to get away) Quickly! Hide!

The Toothpaste-Twizzlers look around everywhere, whilst Frodo and Skittles hide by the side of a tent out of sight

SKITTLES:

Oh! Thank you my boy You're a good lad Frodo. I'm very selfish you know.(Frodo looks confused) Yes, I am. Very selfish. I don't know why I took you in after your mother and father stopped giving you candy, but it wasn't out of charity. I think it was because, of all my numerous relations, you were the one Twizzler that showed real candy making potential.

FRODO:

Skittles that's so awesome! I didn't know you had such confidence in me! It takes a lot to make good candy!

SKITTLES:

I know. Gumdalf will help you, he has always helped me in candy crisis.

FRODO:

Don't speak of such terrible things! I hope I never have to live through such a terrible time.

SKITTLES:

I hope so too. However, you always should be prepared to make your own candy if such a situation should ever arise.

Merry and Pippin are holding the giant piñata between them in the tent.

PIPPIN:

How do we break it?

MERRY:

Let's try using Gumdalf's candy cane!

PIPPIN:

It's by the cart, I'll get it!

He fetches the candy cane.

MERRY:

Here, give it to me. (He hits the piñata as hard as he can with the candy cane. The piñata explodes, and candy flies everywhere and buries Merry and Pippin, and all lands all over everything)

FRODO:

Skittles! It's raining candy! That's so awesome!

SKITTLES:

That rascal Gumdalf, this is all his doing!

Merry and Pippin have eaten almost all of the candy on top of them.

MERRY:

That was good!

PIPPIN:

Lets get another one!

A pair of hands appears behind them, and grabs an ear of each of the hobbits They groan and look up behind them

GUMDALF:

Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took! I might have known! There will be no more candy for you tonight.

MERRY AND PIPPIN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

CROWD:

Speech Skittles!

Skittles walks and stands on top of a barrel in front of the crowd. The enormous bowl of lemonheads is next to him.

SKITTLES:

My dear Twizzlers and Sours, (the crowd clap and cheer) Tooks and Brandybucks (cheers), Grubbys (cheers), Gummys (cheers), Hornblowers(cheers), Bulgers (they raise their sodas), Bracegirdles (cheers), and Proudgums!

SKITTLES:

Today is my One Hundred and Eleventh birthday! (the crowd cheer and raise their glasses)

SKITTLES:

Alas, elevnty-one years is far too short a time to eat candy with you. (the hobbits cheer) I don't know half of you half as well as I should like and I give less than half of half as much candy as you deserve. (there is confused silence. Gumdalf smirks)

I, er, (he reaches for his pocket) I have things to chew (he is hesitant. He reaches inside his pocket. Frodo and Gumdalf watch him curiously. He takes out something and holds it behind his back. It is a pair of braces.) (Speaking very seriously) I've put this off for far too long. (the hobbits look up at him curiously) I regret to announce This is the End. I'm going now. I bid you all a very chewy farewell. (Frodo looks at him curiously. So long, farewell. (Skittles pops something into his mouth and disappears before their eyes. The hobbits gasp! Frodo looks astonished. Gumdalf takes the gum out of his mouth and scowls)

Soooo...did anyone like it? Please review!㈷1


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

(In M&amp;M End) Bilbo is heard laughing as he reappears and looks at the Braces in his hand. He flips them in the air, catches them and pops them back in his pocket.

GUMDALF:

(is already standing in there) I suppose you think (Skittles quickly around surprised!) that was terribly clever.

SKITTLES:

Come on Gumdalf! Did you see their faces! They even stopped eating candy! I didn't know if that was possible or not!

GUMDALF:

There are many pairs of Braces in this world Skittles Twizzler and none of them should be used lightly. They could make you have straight teeth!

SKITTLES:

It was just a bit of fun! Oh, you're probably right as usual! Couldn't have straight teeth now could we? That would be terrible. Just terrible.

(He fetches his pipe and points a finger at Gumdalf) You will come to give Frodo candy won't you ?

GUMDALF:

Lots of it, as often as I can spare it.

SKITTLES:

I'm leaving all my candy to him.

GUMDALF:

What about these braces of yours? Are you leaving them too?

SKITTLES:

Yes, yes. They are over there, on the mantlepiece.

Gumdalf goes to look.

SKITTLES:

No! Wait... they're here... in my pocket. Ha! (he takes it out and caresses it) Isn't that Isn't that odd now. Yet after all why not, Why shouldn't I keep them. They're kind of awesome, you know.

GUMDALF:

I think you should leave the Braces behind. They do no good to you, just interfere with eating candy! Leave them. Is that so hard?

SKITTLES:

(turns around swiftly to face Gumdalf, disturbed from his day dream) Well no ... and ... yes.. (he turns back to fiddle with the Braces again) (crossly he speaks) Now it comes to it, I don't feel like parting with them. They're mine, I found them! They came to ME!

GUMDALF:

There's no need to get angry, we still have candy.

SKITTLES:

Well if I'm angry it's your fault! It's mine (he strokes the Braces) My own... My Precious

GUMDALF:

Precious ? It's been called that before. Not by you!

Skittles turns around swiftly and crossly

SKITTLES:

OH! What business is it of yours what I do with my own things!

GUMDALF:

I think you've had those braces quite long enough.

SKITTLES:

(raising his fists) You want them for yourself! I never thought that you, Gumdalf, would go so low as to get braces! Why...

GUMDALF:

(raising his voice) SKITTLES TWIZZLER! (he raises himself to full height and the room darkens) Do not take me for some bringer of cheap candy! (Skittles is forced back against the wall. He looks scared) I am not trying to take your candy! (the room lightens again. Gumdalf smiles) I'm trying to help you eat more.

Skittles runs to Gumdalf and hugs him

GUMDALF:

(kneels before him) All your long years we've been friends. We have shared much candy together. Trust me as you once did. Let it go.

SKITTLES:

You're right Gumdalf. The Braces must go to Frodo (he picks up his bag of candy) It's late, the road is long (he picks up his walking stick and makes for the front door) Yes, it is time. Time to find the best place to eat candy. (He opens the door and goes to walk out)

GUMDALF:

Skittles! The Braces are still in your pocket.

SKITTLES:

(turns and smiles guiltily) oh! yes.. but Gumdalf, I want straight teeth! Oh, I suppose it must go to Frodo. (he takes it out reluctantly and stares at it in his hand. He slowly tips his hand so it falls on the floor and walks swiftly out of the door. Gumdalf follows him)

I've thought of an ending for my book. (he turns to face Gumdalf) "and he ate candy, not cheap, but from Gumdalf, to the end of his days"

GUMDALF:

and I'm sure you will my dear candy eater.

SKITTLES:

Goodbye Gumdalf. (He hands Skittles a last bag of candy)

GUMDALF:

Goodbye. Dear Skittles.

Skittles walks out of his garden singing

SKITTLES:

_"the candy goes ever on and on Down from the wizard where it began.."_

GUMDALF:

Until our next candy party.

So did anyone enjoy this? Review if you did, and if you didn't. It only takes five seconds, and it makes my day. Thanks to everyone who did review! :D


	6. Chapter 6

Next chapter! My thanks to OneSizeFitsAll for the awesome reviews!

**Scene 7 **

Gumdalf opens the door to M&amp;M End. The braces are lying on the floor. He bends down to pick it up and suddenly a flash of a dentist appears. Gumdalf leaves the Braces lying there.

He sits in front of the fire in the rocking chair, chewing gum. He hears echoes of Skittles' voice.

SKITTLES' VOICE:

It's mine. My own, My precious. I want straight teeth.

GUMDALF:

Jawbreakers in the dark

FRODO:

(from outside) Skittles! (in the background he pushes open the door and rushes in) Skittles! (he sees the Braces on the floor and bends and picks them up)

GUMDALF:

(mumbles) Straight teeth.

FRODO:

(holding the Braces) He's gone hasn't he (Gumdalf merely chews harder) He talked for so long about leaving. (He walks up to Gumdalf) I didn't think he'd really do it. Gumdalf? (he looks at him, Gumdalf is still in a world of his own)

GUMDALF:

(looks round at Frodo, just noticing him) Hmm. (Frodo is holding the Braces in the palm of his hand. Gumdalf smiles at him) Skittles' braces.

He's gone to stay with the elves, the finest makers of chocolate in Middle-Earth. He's left you M&amp;M End. (he holds out an open envelope to Frodo, who puts the Braces inside it.) Along with all his candy(he seals the envelope) The Braces are yours now (he hands the envelope back to Frodo) Put it out of sight. (Frodo takes the envelope) (Gumdalf gets up to leave M&amp;M End)

FRODO:

Where are you going? Are you going to give me more candy?

GUMDALF:

I have some things I have to attend to. More important than candy.

FRODO:

More important than...how is that possible?

GUMDALF:

There are few things more important than candy, but this is one of them. (He takes up his hat and candy cane)

FRODO:

You've only just arrived! (he runs after Gumdalf) I don't understand.

GUMDALF:

(pauses) Neither do I. (he bends down to Frodo and puts a hand on his shoulder) Keep them Secret. Keep them Safe. (he leaves shutting the door behind him)

Frodo looks down at the envelope he is holding.

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	7. Chapter 7

Hi! Not to much happens in this chapter, but it will get more exciting soon! Please review!

In Dentistdor, the electric toothbrushes are running. There is a lot of activity in Barad-dûr. From within Gollum can be heard screaming  
GOLLUM VOICE: Gum! Candy! Skittles!  
Mount Orthopedic erupts. From Minas Fluoride nine black riders on black horses emerge, galloping.

Gumdalf gallops towards Minas Taffy. He pauses on a hill outside, watching Mount Orthopedic erupting.

He walks through Minas Taffy and is shown down to the library within. He pulls out a great sheath of old candy wrappers, and removing his hat and putting some gum in his mouth looks through the great pile. Looking through all kinds of candy wrappers, some with writing on the back of them, he eventually comes across the wrapper he has been looking for.

GUMDALF READING : The year 3434 of the Second Age. Here follows the account of Isildur, the High King of Gummydor, and the finding of the Braces of Power.  
(A flashback of Head Dentist's teeth with the Braces on, falling to the ground, appears and Isildur rolls over to look at it)  
It has come to me, the One Pair of Braces, and it shall be an heirloom of my Kingdom(Isildur picks up the finger with the Ring on) All those who follow in my bloodline shall have straight teeth, for I shall risk no hurt to the Braces. They are precious to me. Though I eat candy now with great pain (he holds the Braces between his fingers. Dental speech can be heard uttering from it) The markings upon the rubber bands began to fade (he rolls it between his fingers and the writing on the Braces gradually fades) The writing, which at first was as clear as red flame, has all but disappeared (Gumdalf looks at an inscription written on the candy wrapper) A secret now that only melted carmel can tell. (Gumdalf looks up thoughtfully)

A hobbit is making cookies in the evening light. His dog starts barking as something approaches. The hobbit looks up scared. The dog backs off and back into the hobbit hole. A horserider appears. The horse is black and muddied. The rider wears metal, wields a dental pick, has spiked boots and is clothed and robed and hooded in black. No face is visible  
BLACK RIDER: MMM&amp;MMM END! SSskitttlesss!  
HOBBIT: There's no Skittleses round here. They're up in Candyton. (the horse snorts wildly. The Hobbit backs off into his home and points) That way! (The rider leaves in haste as the hobbit shuts the door. Other shadows follow the Black Rider)


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks so much for reviewing! Hope everyone had a Pippin Christmas!

* * *

In Candyton Frodo takes four bags of lemonheads from Rosie at the bar and dances over to Merry and Pippin who are dancing on a table and singing  
MERRY AND PIPPIN: __Hey ho, to candy I go!  
To ruin my teeth and drown my woe.  
Dentists may scream and their machines may blow.  
But there still be –  
much candy to go!__

Sweet is the sound of the pouring pop,  
and the stream that falls from machine to cup  
Better than rain or rippling brook

PIPPIN: (singing alone) Is _a mug of soda inside this Took!_ (everyone cheers and throws Pippin candy)  
SodaSam sits at a table with three other hobbits  
GAFFER: There's been some strange folk crossing Candy Land. Dwarves, others of a less than savoury nature. (whispers) I don't think they even eat candy.  
NOAKES: (shaking his head) War's brewing. (SodaSam gazes over to the bar, where Rosie smiles across at him. He looks away) The mountains are fair teeming with dental assistants.  
SANDYMAN: Children's stories that's all that is. You're beginning to sound like that old Skittles Twizzler! Cracked he was!  
GAFFER: (laughs and nods at Frodo walking up) Young Mr Frodo here, he's cracking!  
FRODO: (sits down with the lemonheads) and proud of it! Cheers to candy, may we never be without it!  
GAFFER: Cheers!  
SANDYMAN: Well it's none of our concern what goes on beyond our borders. Keep your teeth away from dentists and no trouble will come to you.  
Later Frodo and Sam leave the pub, Rosie is standing in the doorway  
ROSIE: (she grins at SodaSam) Good night lads, may the candy be with you!  
PIPPIN: (getting down on one knee) Good night, sweet maiden of the golden lemonheads!  
SODASAM: O, mind who you're sweet talking!  
FRODO: Don't worry SodaSam, Rosie knows an idiot when she sees one! Pippin doesn't even know how to make candy!  
SODASAM: (smiles uncertainly) Does she? I can make fair candy, but nothing like Gumdalf's!  
FRODO: (leaves SodaSam at the gate of M&amp;M End) Don't worry, SodaSam, no one can.  
Frodo walks up the path in the dark.

* * *

Review? Please? Even if you think this is really dumb?


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, especially OneSizeFitsAll and FandomFangirl100! This chapter is pretty long, so enjoy it!

Frodo pushes open the door and looks around. Candy wrappers are flying around. The windows are open. He walks cautiously around. Suddenly a hand grabs his shoulder from behind.

GUMDALF:

Are they secret? Are they safe?

Frodo opens a chest removes some papers looking for it. Gumdalf whisks around at a slight noise. Frodo finds the envelope with the Braces in it.

FRODO:

Ha! (he holds the envelope up to Gumdalf, who whisks it away) What are you doing?

Gumdalf grabs a pot from the shelf and puts some caramels in it. He holds it over the fire until the caramels melt. Gumdalf throws the Braces into the carmel.

FRODO:

What are you doing?! The Braces will be ruined!

GUMDALF:

(pulls the Braces out of the carmel, it does not stick and slips of easily) Hold out your hand Frodo. Its quite unsticky. (he drops it in Frodo's palm) What can you see ? (he stands up) Can you see anything?

Frodo turns the Braces over in his fingers.

FRODO:

(shakes his head) Nothing. There's nothing (Gumdalf sighs) Wait. There are markings (he turns the Braces round, a glowing script appears on the Braces' rubber bands) Its some form of Chocolate Speech. I can't read it.

GUMDALF:

There are few who can. The language is that of Dentistdor which I will not utter here.

FRODO:

Dentistdor!

GUMDALF:

In the candy tongue it says

One Pair of Braces to Rule Them All  
One Pair of Braces to find them  
One Pair of Braces to bring them all  
and in the absence of candy bind them!

GUMDALF:

(The Braces sit on the table) This is the One Pair of Braces. (he eats candy whilst Frodo eats the carmel) Forged by the Dark Head Dentist in the fires of Mount Orthopedic. Taken by Isildur from the mouth of the Head Dentist himself.

FRODO:

Skittles found it. In Gollum's Cave.

GUMDALF:

Yes, for sixty years the Braces lay quiet in Skittles' keeping, prolonging his life. Delaying old age. But no longer Frodo. Evil is stirring in Dentistdor. The Braces have been awoken. They have heard their master's call.

FRODO:

But he was destroyed. The Head Dentist was destroyed (he looks at Gandalf for confirmation of this)

Whispers are heard from the Braces.

GUMDALF:

No Frodo. The spirit of the Head Dentist endured. His life force is bound to the Braces and the Braces survived. The Head Dentist has returned. His dental assistants have multiplied. His dental office is rebuilt in the land of Dentistdor. The Head Dentist needs only these Braces to take the candy from all lands. He is seeking it, seeking it. All his thought is bent on it. The Braces yearn above all else to return to the mouth of their master. They are one, the Braces and the Head Dentist. Frodo, he must never find them.

FRODO:

(takes hold of the Braces) Alright. (he walks out of the room with it and looks around) We put them away. (Gumdalf gets up and follows him) We must never speak of them again. No one knows they're here. Do they? This is Candy Land! Surely they would not suspect here! (he turns to look at Gumdalf)

GUMDALF:

There is one other who knew Skittles had the Braces. I looked everywhere for the creature Gollum but the dentists found him first. (Gollum is lying on a rack in Dentistdor surrounded by dentists. They torture him with dental instruments and he screams)  
Admist the endless screams and inane babble they discerned two words.

GOLLUM'S VOICE:

Twizzler! Caaandy Laand!

FRODO:

Candy Land! Twizzler! But that will lead them here!

Black Riders race through the mists towards a hobbit holding up a lantern.

HOBBIT:

Who goes there ? (he looks shocked as one of the riders holds out a dental pick and swipes at him)

FRODO:

Take it Gumdalf! (he holds out the Braces to him. Gumdalf backs off)

GUMDALF:

No Frodo.

FRODO:

You must take it! The dentists cannot come to Candy Land!

GUMDALF:

You cannot offer me these Braces!

FRODO:

I'm giving them to you!

GUMDALF:

Don't! Tempt me Frodo (Frodo takes back the Braces) I dare not take them. Not even to keep them safe. Understand Frodo I would use this Braces from a desire to make more candy. But through me, they would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine!

FRODO:

But they cannot stay in Candy Land!

GUMDALF:

No! No they can't.

FRODO:

(rolls the Braces into his hand and looks resigned) What must I do?

GUMDALF:

(Frodo hurriedly packs candy) You must leave, and leave quickly.

FRODO:

Where? Where do I go?

GUMDALF:

Get out of Candy Land (he helps him pack candy) Make for the village of Brew

FRODO:

Brew. What about you?

GUMDALF:

I'll be waiting for you. At the Inn of the Dancing Donuts.

FRODO:

And the Braces will be safe there?

GUMDALF:

Frodo. I don't have any answers. I must see the head of my order. He is both wise and powerful with the candy. Trust me Frodo, he'll know what to do (Frodo puts on his coat) You'll have to leave the name of Twizzler behind you. For that name is not safe outside Candy Land. (he helps Frodo put on his cloak) Travel by day and stay off the road

FRODO:

I can cut across country (he slips the Braces in his pocket and takes his walking stick) easily enough, as long as I have candy.

GUMDALF:

My dear Frodo. (he smiles) Hobbits really are amazing creatures. You can learn all there is to know about them and their candy in a month and yet after a hundred years they can still surprise you. (Frodo smiles)

They hear a noise outside the window

GUMDALF:

Get down!

Gumdalf moves slowly to the window, candy cane outstretched before him. He quickly jabs it into the flower beds, Where a grunt is heard. He throws the candy cane aside and reaches out to pull SodaSam from the outside, and throws him onto the table

GUMDALF:

Confound you SodaSam Hamgee! Have you been eavesdropping ?

SODASAM:

I haven't been dropping no eaves. (he shakes his head) Sir honest. I was just picking up leftover candy under the window there. If you follow me

GUMDALF:

A little late for searching for candy don't you think? Don't you keep any at home?

SODASAM:

I heard raised voices

GUMDALF:

What did you hear? Speak!

SODASAM:

Nothing important. That is I heard a good deal about a pair of Braces and a Head Dentist and something about the end of all candy, but please Mr Gumdalf Sir, please don't take my candy. Don't!

GANDALF:

No? (he glances at Frodo who smiles) Perhaps not. I've thought of a better use for you.

Gandalf is now leading a horse at a rapid pace, away from Candy Land.

GUMDALF:

Come along SodaSam keep up!

SodaSam is hurrying after him. They walk through a woodland

GUMDALF:

Be careful, both of you. Dentists have many spies in their service. Birds, Beasts (he stops and looks at Frodo) Is it safe? (Frodo clutches his chest. Gumdalf kneels down to him) Never put it on for the agents of the Head Dentist will be drawn to its power. Always remember Frodo the Braces are trying to get back to their Master. They want to be found. (he pats Frodo on the shoulder)

Gumdalf mounts his horse and rides off leaving SodaSam and Frodo alone to the calling of birds. Frodo looks worried and SodaSam steps up behind him. He smiles and they set off, across fields, past a farmhouse, a waterfall, over a hill until they reach a cornfield with a scarecrow in it.

SODASAM:

(suddenly stopping) This is it

FRODO:

(turning back to face SodaSam) This is what ?

SODASAM:

If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest away from home I've ever been.

FRODO:

(walking back towards him) Come on SodaSam (SodaSam hesitates and takes another step. Frodo pats him on the back) Remember what Skittles used to say. Its a dangerous business

SKITTLES VOICE:

Going out your door. You step onto the road and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing what candy you might be swept off to (Frodo and SodaSam reach a woodland)

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	10. Chapter 10

Thanks everyone for reviewing! :DDDDDDDDD This chapter is short, but more will come soon!

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SodaSam is melting carmel over a fire. Frodo is relaxing in a tree when he hears beautiful music in the distance.

FRODO:

SodaSam!

They both listen to the singing, which is increasing in volume

FRODO:

(smiling) Sugar elves!

They run up the hill together and peer over a fallen tree trunk to see many elves in procession, both on foot and on horse, all carrying bags of sugar.

FRODO:

They're going to the candy factory beyond the white towers. To the Granola Havens.

SODASAM:

They're leaving Middle Earth.

FRODO:

Never to return.

SODASAM:

I don't know why... It makes me sad.

FRODO: You're sad because Middle-Earth will be without their candy! I am too.

Back at camp SodaSam and Frodo are settling down to sleep.

SODASAM:

Everywhere I lie there's a dirty great root sticking into my back

FRODO:

(his eyes shut) Just shut your eyes and imagine you're back in your own bed, with a soft matress and a lovely feather pillow, and sucking on candy.

SODASAM: Candy! I need some!

FRODO: Oh no you don't, we need it for the trip.

SODASAM: You're right, Mr. Frodo. It wouldn't do to run out of it.

SodaSam lies back

SODASAM:

Its not working Mr Frodo Oh! I'm never going to be able to sleep out here (he fidgets around)

FRODO:

(with a smile on his face) Me neither SodaSam, I don't think I'll ever get used to limited candy.

Dawn is rising over the fields. A black horse walks into view, ridden by a figure in black.

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Reviews are my precioussss...


	11. Chapter 11

So sorry this took so long!

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Gumdalf rides swiftly to Trufflegard.

SOURMAN VOICE:

Smoke rises from Mount Orthopedic. The hour grows late and Gumdalf the Candy-Maker rides to Trufflegard seeking my Council (Sourman walks down the steps of Trufflegard to meet Gumdalf as he dismounts his horse)

SOURMAN:

For that is why you have come, is it not? My old friendly candymaker.

GUMDALF:

Sourman (he bows)

They walk together in the grounds of Trufflegard.

SOURMAN:

You are sure of this?

GUMDALF:

Beyond any doubt.

SOURMAN:

So the Braces of Power have been found.

GUMDALF:

All these long years they were in Candy Land under my very nose.

SOURMAN:

and yet you did not have the wits to see it. Your love of the Halflings inferior candy has clearly slowed your mind.

GUMDALF:

But we still have time. Time enough to counter the Head Dentist if we act quickly!

SOURMAN:

Time! What time do you think we have ?

Inside the Trufflegard Tower they talk.

SOURMAN:

The Head Dentist has regained much of his former strength. He cannot yet take physical form but his spirit has lost none of its potency. Concealed within his fortress, the Lord of Dentistdor sees all. His gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth and flesh, and yes, even candy factories. You know of what I speak, Gumdalf. A great eye, lidless, wreathed in flame.

GUMDALF:

The Eye of the Head Dentist.

SOURMAN:

He is gathering all evil to him. Very soon he will have summoned enough dentists for a army great enough to launch an assault upon Middle Earth.

GUMDALF:

You know this? How?

SOURMAN:

I have seen it.

They walk through to a larger room, in which a pedestal stands and upon which a black cloth is laid covering something up.

GUMDALF:

A Brussel Sprout is a dangerous tool, Sourman.

SOURMAN:

Why? Why should we fear to use it? (he removes the cloth and underneath sits a large green brussel sprout)

GUMDALF:

They are not all accounted for. The lost seeing sprouts. We do not know who else maybe watching. (He covers the Brussel Sprout back up as he does he sees a flash glimpse of the Head Dentist's Eye)

SOURMAN:

The hour is later than you think. The Head Dentist's forces are already moving. (he sits down on his throne) The Nine orthodontists have left Minas Fluoride.

GUMDALF:

The Nine!

SOURMAN:

The crossed the River Isen on Midsummer's Eve disguised as riders in black.

GUMDALF:

They've reached Candy Land?

SOURMAN:

They will find the Braces and kill the one who carries them.

GUMDALF:

Frodo (he turns to leave hastily but as he reaches each door in turn it is slammed shut. He turns to face Sourman)

SOURMAN:

You did not seriously think that a hobbit could contend with the will of the Head Dentist? There are none who can. Against the power of Dentistdor there can be no victory. (Gumdalf looks at him in disbelief) We must join with him Gumdalf. We must join with the Head Dentist. It would be wise my friend.

GUMDALF:

Tell me. Friend... When did Sourman, the greatest of all candymakers, abandon reason for madness? (Sourman looks at him enraged)

Sourman lifts his staff and flings Gumdalf against the opposite wall. They fight, but Sourman wins, holding Gumdalf's candy cane and his own)

SOURMAN:

I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly. But you.. have elected.. the way of pain!

He lifts both staffs and sends Gumdalf circling high into the roof of Trufflegard.

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Reviews? :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD


	12. Chapter 12

So sorry this chapter took so long! *dodges dental picks thrown by readers* here's the next chapter!

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SodaSam appears walking through a field of sugar cane. He emerges to a path, which is deserted. He looks behind him and in front but can see no one. He walks hurridely onwards.

SODASAM:

Mr Frodo? (he starts to run) Frodo! Frodo! (Frodo appears turning to find him) I thought I'd lost you! You have most of the candy! Whatever would I do, lost in the wilds with hardly any candy!

FRODO:

SodaSam! I would never abandon you without candy! Why are you being so paranoid?

SODASAM:

It's just something Gumdalf said.

FRODO:

What did he say?

SODASAM:

Don't you lose him SodaSam Hamgee and I don't mean to.

FRODO:

SodaSam! We're still in Candy Land! What could possibly happen?

Suddenly from out of the sugar canes two hobbits rush into them, pushing them to the ground.

PIPPIN:

(looking down at Frodo beneath him) Frodo! Merry! Its Frodo Twizzler! He's got candy! And lots of it!

MERRY:

Hello Frodo! (he grabs a bag of candy)

SODASAM:

Get out of that! It's for Frodo! Wait...where did you get all those sugar canes? You've been into Farmer Chewy's crop!

FRODO:

What's the meaning of this ?

Merry and Pippin hurriedly pick up the canes and heap them into SodaSam's arms.

MERRY:

Hold these.

MERRY:

and these.

Suddenly a dog barks and they see a scythe held high above the canes coming towards them.

FARMER CHEWY:

Hoi! You get back here! Wait till I get this through you! (Merry grabs Frodo by the shoulder and pushes him through the corn as him and Merry run away) Get out of my fields! You'll know dentists if I catch up with you!

SodaSam drops the sugar canes he's holding and runs after them.

MERRY:

Dunno why he's so upset! Its only a couple of sugar canes!

PIPPIN:

(running and looking back) and some molasses and those few bags of taffy that we lifted last week. And the carmels the week before.

MERRY:

Yes Pippin, my point is, he's clearly over reacting! Run!

Suddenly they reach a cliff top. Pippin stops dead as Merry runs into him. They both look down and just as they're trying to decide what to do Sam runs straight into the back of them all and they tumble down the hill together landing in a heap in the road below.

PIPPIN:

(looking up at a pile of manure) Ooh! that was close!

MERRY:

(groaning) Oh! I think I've broken something (he reaches under his back and pulls out a broken sugar cane)

SODASAM:

(getting up) Trust a Brandybuck and a Took!

MERRY:

What? It was just a detour. A shortcut!

SODASAM:

A shortcut to what?

PIPPIN:

(looking across at some chocolate someone dropped on the road) Chocolate! (they get up and make a dash for it)

Frodo in the meantime is strolling up the road. He looks worried.

FRODO:

I think we should get off the road.

The others continue to collect the chocolate. Frodo notices a swirling wind come down the road towards them

FRODO:

Get off the road! Quick!

They dash down into a ditch and hide beneath a large tree root. The jostle with their find.

SODASAM:

Ssh.. be quiet.

From behind the tree a big black horse appears snorting. Frodo looks up through the tree roots and sees the horses fetid hooves. The horse's head, with red eyes. The rider gets down from the horse and peers over the tree root, sniffing. The hobbits shrink back. From behind them spiders and centipedes, worms hurry to get away. Frodo closes his eyes and reaches for the Braces. As he gets them out, the rider turns suddenly. Frodo feels an overwhelming desire to put the Braces on. He holds them up to his mouth. SodaSam suddenly reaches out to him to stop him. The Rider sniffs the air again. Merry quickly flings his bag to the side. The Rider turns quickly and they all make a dash to escape through the woods. Merry stumbles and slips.

MERRY:

What was that?!

Frodo looks very scared. He holds out his palm and looks at the Braces he holds.

* * *

Author's note

Legolas: Reviews! A fanfic author's sustenance. One small sentence is enough to fill a author with contentment.

Merry: How many did you write?

Pippin: Four.


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks so much FandomFangirl100 and Gandwarf for the awesome reviews! :DDDDDDDDD

* * *

Night has arrived. Mist is swirling in the woodland. A Rider in black gallops through the woods, screaming.

The hobbits hurry through the woods, dodging and hiding behind the trees.

SODASAM:

(pausing) Anything ?

FRODO:

Nothing.

PIPPIN:

(stumbles up behind them) What is going on? That wasn't a dentist, was it?

MERRY:

That black rider was looking for something. Or someone (he walks up to Frodo and looks him in the face) Frodo? Did it want that candy you're carrying? SodaSam seemed to think it was very important.

SODASAM:

It's candy! Of course it's important!

FRODO:

I have to leave Candy Land. (he looks at Merry) SodaSam and I must get to Brew.

MERRY:

(nods) Right. Huckleberry Ferry. Follow me.

Merry runs off through the trees, the others follow. Suddenly a black rider appears in front of Frodo, swinging a gigantic dental pick.

PIPPIN:

Run!

MERRY:

Frodo, this way. Follow me!

PIPPIN:

(the hobbits continue to try and dodge the dental pick) Frodo!

MERRY:

Follow me. Run!

The hobbits run through the trees reaching a fence next to a river bank. SodaSam, Merry and Pippin leap over the fence towards the jetty on the river. Frodo follows a little way behind them. The first three hobbits run onto the ferry raft.

MERRY:

Get the rope SodaSam!

SODASAM:

(untying the ferry from the jetty) Frodo!

Frodo runs down the path towards the ferry, the black rider closer behind him.

PIPPIN:

Run Frodo!

FRODO:

(running fast, sees the ferry drift away from the shore) No!

PIPPIN:

Frodo!

SAM:

Come on faster!

Frodo takes a flying leap and lands on the ferry sending the hobbits into a heap. The black rider skids to a halt, the horse snorting. The orthodontist screams and turns his horse around back up the track.

FRODO:

How far to the nearest crossing?

MERRY:

(pushing the prod into the river) The Colapop Bridge, twenty miles.

FRODO: SodaSam! Have you got the candy?

SODASAM: Of course, Mr. Frodo! All of it! I didn't drop a single piece! (Frodo sighs in relief)

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If anyone has ideas about this story, don't hesitate to pm or say something in a review!


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks again FandomFangirl100 for the awesome reviews! :DDDDDDDDD Thanks Gandwarf for reviewing! And Just a Reviewer, definitely show this to your friend! Hahahaha, it will probably scare them to death. Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

* * *

It is pouring rain. The hobbits are hooded in the trees. Frodo glances up and down the road.

FRODO:

Come on!

They run quickly across the road to the gated entrance to Brew. They knock on the door. A face opens a small window at the top, shuts it, then opens another window lower down in the doorway.

GATEKEEPER:

What do you want? If it's candy you need, there's none to spare here!

FRODO:

We're heading for the Inn of the Dancing Donuts.

GATEKEEPER:

(shuts the window and opens the gate holding a lantern up) Hobbits! Four hobbits! What's more out of Candy Land by your talk! What business brings you to Brew? You wouldn't have any candy to spare, now, would you?

FRODO:

We wish to stay at the Inn. Our candy is our own.

GATEKEEPER:

(nods) Alright young sir, I meant no offence. (he stands aside to let them pass) My job to ask questions after nightfall. There's talk of strange folk abroad. Can't be too careful. (he shuts the gate behind him)

The hobbits trudge through the rain up the muddy lane, narrowly missing being crushed by a cart. Mant tall, hooded people walk round them.

Frodo spots the sign of the Dancing Donuts and they push open the Inn door. Frodo walks up to the bar.

FRODO:

Excuse me?

BERRYMAN:

Good Evening little masters. What can I do for you ? If you're looking for accomodation, we've got some nice, cosy hobbit sized rooms available. Always proud to cater to the little folk, Mr err... ?

FRODO:

(pausing) Asparagus, my name's Asparagus.

BERRYMAN:

Asparagus (nods) yes..

FRODO:

We're friends of Gumdalf the Candymaker. Can you tell him we've arrived?

BERRYMAN:

Gumdalf? (looks quizically) Gumdalf? Oh yes! I remember! Elderly chap! Big grey beard, pointy hat, always brought plenty of tasty candy.(Frodo nods) Not seen him for six months.

Frodo turns dismayed to the other hobbits.

SODASAM:

What do we do now?

There is much drunken raucous laughter in the Inn. The hobbits are seated around a table drinking Pepsi.

FRODO:

SodaSam. He'll be here. He'll come.

The customers in the Inn eye the hobbits suspiciously. Merry winds his way through them carrying a large mug of Pepsi and sits down.

PIPPIN:

What's that?

MERRY:

This my friend, is an extra large! (he lifts it up and sips the pepsi)

PIPPIN:

It comes in extra large?

MERRY:

hmmmhmmm

PIPPIN:

(stands up) I'm getting one!

SODASAM:

You've had a whole medium already!

Pippin sits on a barstool by the soda machine.

SODASAM:

That fellow's done nothing but stare at you since we arrived! (they glance over at a hooded figure, his face hidden in his hood, sitting in the corner of the room)

FRODO:

(taps Berryman as he walks past) Excuse me. That man in the corner. Who is he? I don't think he's eaten any candy, which I find suspicious.

BERRYMAN:

He's one of them Jolly Ranchers. They're dangerous folk they are. Wandering the wilds, making their own candy. What his right name is, I've never heard, but round here, he's known as Sticky.

FRODO:

Sticky.

Frodo ponders, playing with the Braces. The Braces starts to whisper to him. Frodo closes his eyes mesmerized.

BRACES:

Twizzler... Twizzler...

Frodo is suddenly woken from his dream state by Pippin talking to the men at the bar.

PIPPIN:

Twizzler? Sure I know a Twizzler! He's over there. Frodo Twizzler! He's my second cousin once removed on his mother's side (Frodo looks up alarmed) and my third cousin twice removed on his father's side, if you follow me.

FRODO:

(gets up and pushes his way urgently through the crowd. Sticky's attention is caught. He catches Pippin on the arm) Pippin!

PIPPIN:

(shaking Frodo off) Steady on, there's still plenty of candy!

Frodo steps back and trips on a man's foot and falls to the ground. The Braces fly into the air. Sticky sits up straight as he sees this. Frodo opens his mouth to shout and the Braces fall in. He immediately disappears.

MEN:

Oh!

SodaSam, Merry and Pippin look shocked! From outside the Black Riders suddenly pause Frodo looks up in a ghostly world, all people around him appear as windswept shadows. Three Riders gallop towards Brew.  
Frodo hears the Head Dentist's voice.

HEAD DENTIST VOICE:

You cannot hide! (Frodo looks up and holds his hands in front of his face) I see you! (a massive flaming lidless eye appears) There is no candy in my office (Frodo falls to the ground again) Only dental floss!

Frodo pulls the Braces out of his mouth. He is back to normal in the Inn. He breathes a sigh of relief. Suddenly a hand reaches down to his shoulder and grabs him.

STICKY:

You draw far too much attention to yourself Mr Asparagus!

Sticky pulls him out of the room and up the stairs. He throws him into a room at the top.

FRODO:

What do you want? You can't have my candy!

STICKY:

A little more caution from you! That is no toothbrush you carry!

FRODO:

I carry nothing. Only candy.

STICKY:

Indeed (he walks round the room, snuffing the candles) I can avoid being seen if I wish. Even while making candy. But to disappear entirely (he removes his hood) That is a rare gift!

FRODO:

Who are you?

STICKY:

Are you frightened?

FRODO:

(pausing) Yes. I'm not sure I brought enough candy.

STICKY:

Not nearly frightened enough. You have more to be worried about than candy, Frodo Twizzler! I know what hunts you.

Suddenly the door is flung open. Sticky swings round with his rock candy stick drawn. SodaSam and the other hobbits push their way into the room carrying stools and candysticks.

SODASAM:

(drawing his fists) Let him go! Or I'll have you Stickyshanks!

STICKY:

(sheaths his sword) You have a stout heart little hobbit! But that will not save you. You can no longer wait for the wizard, Frodo. They're coming.

* * *

Hope everyone enjoyed this! As always, please review!


	15. Chapter 15

Ummm...well since no one has reviewed the last chapter yet *sobs* I have no one to thank for awesome reviews, but thanks again to everyone who reviewed the other chapters! And please review. It lets me know if anyone cares. And I did think that last chapter was pretty good...*goes and sulks in corner*

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The gatekeeper is sitting in the gatehouse sadly digging through a pile of candy wrappers. He cannot find any candy, it has all been eaten. He hears the snort of a horse and gets up to investigate. He opens the top window of the gate and gasps. The gate is run down by four Black Riders, crushing the Gatekeeper. They ride into Brew and stop at the Inn of the Dancing Donuts. The riders walk into the Inn, swords drawn to their sides. Berryman hides behind the bar, frightened. Meanwhile the hobbits sleep peacefully in their beds. Into the hobbit room the Riders walk, their swords held upright in front of them. They each stand next to a bed and hold their swords high poised to strike. SodaSam tosses restlessly in his sleep. Suddenly the Riders stab the beds. SodaSam awakes with a start. The Riders continue to stab the beds. Outside their horses paw the air. Sticky watches the flickering lights through the window, in a window opposite across the street. The Riders pull back the covers and see the candy wrappers that have been put there in place of the hobbits. They screech and turn the beds upside down. Their screams wake Pippin and Merry. All four hobbits look at Sticky, who sits by the window.

FRODO:

What are they?

STICKY:

They were once candy makers. Great Candymakers of Men. Then the Head Dentist, the Deciever gave to them nine pairs of braces. Blinded by their desire for straight teeth they took them without question. One by one falling into dentist's offices. (he looks out of the window at the riders now back mounted on their horses) Now they are slaves to his will. They are the Orthodontists. Teethwraiths. Neither living nor dead. At all times they feel the presence of the Braces (another rider appears on a country lane) Drawn to the power of the One (yet another stands at the top of a hill) They will never stop hunting you.

In the morning the hobbits hurriedly follow Sticky away from Brew, across country.

FRODO:

Where are you taking us?

STICKY:

Into the wild.

MERRY:

(following the others through the woodland) How do we know this Sticky is a friend of Gumdalf?

FRODO:

I think a servant of the enemy would look sweeter, but feel more like toothpaste.

MERRY:

He feels like toothpaste all right. (Sticky tips his head a little hearing the comment)

FRODO:

We have no choice but to trust him.

SAM:

(leading his pony) But where is he leading us ?

STRIDER:

To Rivendough Master Hamgee. To the House of Elchocolate.

SODASAM:

D'you hear that! Rivendough! We're going to see the sugar elves!

They continue to walk through the woodland, through rain, until they reach the top of the hills. Snow covers the ground. Sticky pauses looking around. He looks back at the hobbits who are getting out pots and candy thermometers.

STICKY:

Gentlemen! We do not stop 'til nightfall.

PIPPIN:

What about candy time?

STICKY:

(looks confused) You've already had it!

PIPPIN:

We've had one yes. What about second candy time?

Sticky frowns and walks off.

MERRY:

Don't think he knows about second candy time, Pip. (he puts his bag of candy back on his shoulder)

PIPPIN:

What about eleven pounds of candy time? Lunch candy, Afternoon candy, Dinner candy? Supper candy! He knows about them, doesn't he?

MERRY:

I wouldn't count on it.

An starburst flies over a bush and Merry catches it. He gives it to Pippin, pats him on the shoulder and goes to follow Sticky. Another starburst flies through the air and hits Pippin on the head.

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Review? Please? They are my precioussss and keep me alive.


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks so much FandomFangirl100 for the reviews! :DDDDDDDDD They made my day!

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They come to some Marshland and stumble through the water and grass hillocks. Midges fly everwhere, biting the hobbits.

MERRY:

(swatting a midge) What are they eating when they can't get hobbit?

STICKY: Such foul creatures normally live on toothpaste alone, Master Merry. I do not know why they are attacking us. Perhaps they are drawn to the presence of the Braces.

They stumble on through the Marsh.

Night falls and they stop to rest. Sticky makes candy over the fire and gives some to the hobbits. Later as the hobbits sleep, Sticky sits on watch, eating starbursts. He sings.

STICKY:

(singing)

Tinúviel elvanui,

Elleth alfirin ethelhael  
O hon ring finnil fuinui

A renc gelebrin thiliol.

_(Tinúviel with chocolate fair,_

_Immortal candy never dies,  
Brought him to her candy lair,_

_And gum the best always chewing)_

FRODO:

(sitting up to listen) Who is she? This woman you sing of?

STICKY:

Tis the Lady of Liquorice. The Elf Maiden who gave her love to Beren ... a dieter.

FRODO:

What happened to her?

STRIDER:

(shakes his head) She lost so much weight she died.

(turning to face Frodo) Get some sleep Frodo.

Frodo lies back down. Sticky looks into the night air and sighs.

* * *

Obviously, I would love a review. ;)


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks so much FandomFangirl100 for reviewing! Everyone else, please? One or two words? Even if you don't like it? All constructive criticism is welcome! :D

Sourman's long-fingernailed hand hovers over the Brussel Sprout.

SOURMAN:

The power of Trufflegard is at your command.

A dental office appears in the Brussel Sprout.

SOURMAN:

Oh Head Dentist. Lord of All Teeth.

HEAD DENTIST VOICE:

(speaks in dental Speech) Build me an army worthy of Dentistdor.

Sourman sits in his library, arms wrapped around himself. Three dental assistants walk in.

DENTAL ASSISTANT:

What orders from Dentistdor my Lord? What does the Eye command?

SOURMAN:

We have teeth to clean.

The dental assistants run around outside the Tower, grabbing innocent civilians, tying them to chairs and cleaning their teeth. Gumdalf on the roof top, suddenly wakes from the noise of the screams of the helpless people. His face is bloodied. It starts to rain. Huddling his arms around himself he watches more people being captured. Sourman arrives to watch the assistants work.

DENTAL ASSISTANT:

Their teeth are not strong my Lord. Their cavities go deep.

SOURMAN:

Clean them all well.

Gumdalf settles down next to a pillar, trying to shelter himself from the rain. All around on the ground people are getting their teeth cleaned by force.

* * *

Feedback? Please? :'(


	18. Chapter 18

I am posting this chapter in honor of FandomFangirl100's birthday, in thanks for all the awesome reviews! Happy birthday! Also thanks SOOOOOOOOO MUCH Electra Elentari for reviewing! :D

Sticky and the hobbits walk over the top of the hills, arriving at some ruins on top of a hill.

STICKY:

This was the great candy factory tower of Amon Sûl. (he turns to look at the hobbits) We shall rest here tonight.

They reach the ruins. The hobbits drop their bags and sit down. Sticky looks out over the plains below.

STICKY:

(bends down and unwraps some small swords and hands them out to the hobbits) These are for you. Keep them close, I'm going to have a look round (the hobbits unsheath their swords and look at them) Stay here (he leaves)

Frodo is asleep. He is woken by the others talking.

MERRY:

My chocolate's melted!

PIPPIN:

Can I have some skittles?

MERRY:

OK. Want some chocolate SodaSam?

FRODO:

(sitting up in panic) What are you doing?

MERRY:

(sitting around a campfire trying to make candy) Making candy!

Frodo scrambles to his feet.

FRODO: Gimme!

MERRY: Mine!

FRODO:

Awww, I'm the BracesBearer, let me have some!

MERRY:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

SODASAM:

Calm down Frodo, have a Skittle.

FRODO:

But that's cannibalism!

SODASAM:

Sorry, I forgot you were a Skittle. Merry, give the Skittle some chocolate, will you?

MERRY:

Sorry, I ate it.

(Frodo pouts)

From the fields below, the fire is seen. The whirring of electronic toothbrushes is heard. Frodo looks down over the edge. The see four Orthodontists striding towards the ruins of the Candy Factory. Frodo draws his sword.

FRODO:

Go!

They run up to the top of the tower and stand in the middle of the circle of pillars back to back, looking around frantically. Suddenly Frodo stops and looks between two pillars. An Orthodontist slowly advances between them. Frodo looks horrified. The Orthodontist draws his electronic toothbrush and holds it before its face. Five Orthodontists now walk slowly towards the hobbits, toothbrushes held in front of them. As they get closer they hold their toothbrushes out pointed towards the group of hobbits who are walking backwards.

SODASAM:

Backl you teethcleaners! (he takes a swipe at one of the Orthodontists with his sword, who swipes back at him knocking him back into a rock. The other hobbits grouped together)

A Orthodontist reaches forward and throws Merry and Pippin aside. Frodo looks shocked, drops his sword and turns to run, falling as he does. He gropes in his pocket for the Braces. They whisper to him in Dental Speech. The Orthodontist hears the Braces and walking towards Frodo draws his toothbrush. Frodo scrambles backwards until he is against a rock. The other Orthodontists group behind. Frodo terrified puts the Braces in his mouth and disappears just as the Orthodontist is about to clean his teeth. He sees the whispy, ghostly shapes of the Orthodontists, their skeletal faces wearing crowns upon their heads. The Orthodontist reaches out for the Braces, which are glowing. The Witch King grabs Frodo's head, forcing his mouth open and scrubbing his teeth vigorously with his electronic toothbrush. Frodo screams in agony. He pauses as he hears someone shout. Sticky arrives with a huge wad of gum and waves it around the Orthodontists, getting them horribly sticky and scaring them away from Frodo. Frodo, groaning with pain, removes the Braces.

SODASAM:

(scrambles towards Frodo) Frodo!

Sticky continues to fight off the Orthodontists, who are screeching, with lots of gum and carmel.

FRODO:

Oh SodaSam!

From behind him, Strider senses the last Orthodontist and throws a huge wad of gum into its mouth. It runs away. Frodo is still moaning with pain.

SODASAM:

Sticky! (Sticky runs over) Help him Sticky!

STICKY:

(picks up a broken toothbrush on the ground) His teeth have been brushed by a Morgul Toothbrush. (It suddenly burns up and disappears into ash. Sticky drops it) This is beyond my skill to heal. He needs elvish chocolate (he picks Frodo up and carries him away)

They run through woodland, hearing the screeches of the Orthodontists behind them.

STICKY:

Hurry!

SODASAM:

It's six days from Rivendough! He'll never make it!

STICKY:

(Frodo is mumbling on Sticky's shoulder as he is carried) Frodo, Frodo!

FRODO VOICE:

GUMDALF!


	19. Chapter 19

Thanks soooo much FandomFangirl100, Guest, and Fili's Girl for reviewing! I wish I had a bajillion awesome reviews! ;D In truth, I've gotten more then I thought I would! But please review, even one word is appreciated! Oh, and other will be snickers in this... they get a very special place later...

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Frodo is lying on the ground staring upwards at some huge stone oral surgeons.

SODASAM:

Look Frodo. It's Mr. Skittles' oral surgeons!

Frodo gasps for breath. His eyes have turned cloudy. SodaSam feels his forehead.

SODASAM:

He's going cold! Sticky, he needs candy!

Strider stands between the surgeons holding a torch aloft.

STICKY:

He needs elvish chocolate, not ours! I have nothing that can help him!

PIPPIN:

Is he going to die?

STICKY:

He's passing into the world of dentistry. He'll soon become a orthodontist like them.

Frodo gasps again. Screeches are heard through the woodland.

MERRY:

They're close!

STICKY:

SodaSam! Do you know the Stevia plant?

SODASAM:

Stevia?

STICKY:

Sweetyfoil!

SODASAM:

Sweetyfoil, aye, its a weed! (He looks suspiciously at Sticky) It may be far sweeter than sugar, but don't dieters use that?

STICKY:

Some do, yes. But that is not the point. It may help to slow the poison. Hurry!

They run through the woodland, scanning the ground. Sticky stops when he finds a low growing plant. He takes out his knife to cut some. A sword appears at Sticky's throat.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

What's this? A Jolly Ranger caught off his guard? (he turns round to look).

She dismounts and walks towards him and kneels beside Frodo.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

Frodo Im Arwen. Telin le thaed. Lasto beth nin. Tolo dan na galad _(I am AlmondJoyWen. I have come to help you. Hear my voice. Come back to the candy)_

Frodo gasps. Sam and Pippin watch on.

MERRY:

Who is she?

Sticky joins her, as AlmondJoyWen mops Frodo's brow. Sticky chews up some Stevia leaves.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

Frodo!

SODASAM:

She's an elf!

ALMONDJOYWEN:

He's fading. He will soon be a orthodontist like them. (She opens his mouth and looks at his teeth)

Sticky moves to put the chewed Stevia into his mouth.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

Sticky! What have I told you about using Stevia! Dieters use it! You must use real sugar! Did you learn nothing in Rivendough? My father would be very disappointed in you!

STICKY: But there is no real sugar available!

ALMONDJOYWEN:

Is there not? I may not have brought chocolate, but I am never without sugar!

(She pours sugar into his mouth)

ALMONDJOYWEN:

He's not going to last, not even with real sugar. We must get him to my father. He has the proper chocolate to heal him.

Sticky lifts Frodo up.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

I've been looking for you for two days. (Sticky carries Frodo to AlmondJoyWen's horse)There are five Orthodontists behind you, where the other four are I do not know.

STICKY:

(placing Frodo on AlmonndJoyWen's horse) Dartho guin perian. Rych le ad tolthathon. _(Stay with the Hobbits. I will send horses and candy back for you.)  
_

ARWEN:

Hon mabathon. Rochon ellint im. _(I'm the faster rider. I carry the sugar. I'll take him)  
_

STRIDER:

Andelu i ven. _(The road is too dangerous, there are too many Orthodontists)_

PIPPIN:

What are they saying?

SODASAM:

It's chocolate speech!

ALMONDJOYWEN:

Frodo fîr. Ae athradon i hir, tur gwaith nin beriatha hon. _(Frodo's dying. If I can get across the river, the chocolate of my people will protect him.)_

I do not fear them. I have candy._  
_

STICKY:

(Be iest lîn._ (As you wish.)  
_

AlmondJoyWen mounts her horse behind Frodo who is still having trouble breathing.

STICKY:

Ride hard. Don't look back, not even if you see candy.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

Noro lim, Asfaloth, noro lim! _(Ride fast, Asfaloth, ride fast)  
_

She rides off through the woods.

SODASAM:

What're you doing? Those Orthodontists are still out there!

Sticky looks on worried. He eats the Stevia leaves.

Arwen rides through the fields and open plains. Through woodlands. She notices through the trees a Orthodontist. As she reaches a clearing he rides alongside her, and then is joined by another two, waving toothbrushes. Five follow her closely behind now. As she dodges in and out of the trees she catches her face on a branch. In open ground, eight Orthodontists now follow her. Frodo looks sideways at them as one sticks a toothbrush at him.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

Noro lim Asfaloth! _(Ride faster Asfaloth!)  
_

Asfaloth pulls away from them, dodging in and out of trees. Jumping a log, they finally reach the river. AlmondJoyWen rides across to the other side, whilst the nine orthodontists stand on the opposite shore facing her, their horses rearing in frustration, their electric toothbrushes whirring.

ORTHODONTIST:

Give up the halfling She-elf. We do not fear your candy.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

(pulls out bag of sugar) If you want him. Come and claim him!

All nine orthodontists draw their toothbrushes and gallop across the river towards her.

AlmondJoyWen swings the bag, sending a shower of sugar over the Orthodontists. They scream in agony and faint, falling off their horses and into the water, where they are swept away.

Frodo suddenly becomes very weak, as AlmondJoyWen lies him on the ground.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

No! Frodo! No! Frodo don't give in, not now.

Tears spring into her eyes as she hugs him.

ALMONDJOYWEN VOICE:

What chocolate has been given me, let it pass to him. Let him be spared.

Visions of Rivendough appear. Frodo appears sleeping in the visions.

ALMONDJOYWEN VOICE:

Save him.

ELCHOCOLATE:

(face appears in the vision) Lasto beth nîn. Tolo dan na ngalad. _(Hear my voice, come back to the candy)_

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Reviews? Precioussss...


	20. Chapter 20

Thanks so much Fili's Girl, OneSizeFitsAll, FandomFangirl100, and Guest for reviewing! :DDDDD To Guest: Yes, I should have put Glorfinchoc in this! I'm still mad at PJ for taking him out of the movie. Maybe I'll give him an appearance later! ;D

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Frodo wakes from a dream, surrounded by white light. Where am I?

GUMDALF:

(speaking though not visible) You are in the House of Elchocolate (the white mist clears)and it is ten o'clock in the morning on October the 24th, if you want to know.

FRODO:

(surprised) Gumdalf!

GUMDALF:

(is sitting beside the bed that Frodo is lying in, smoking his pipe) Yes, I am here (he draws on his pipe) and you're lucky to be here too, after all those Orthodontists. A few more hours and you would have been beyond our aid. (he shakes his head) but you have don't have strength in your teeth, (he smiles) my dear hobbit. There are few who can survive having their teeth brushed by a Morgul Toothbrush.

Frodo sits up and clutches his mouth.

FRODO:

Oh, my teeth feel so clean! This is terrible, Gumdalf! Whatever will I do?

GUMDALF:

You are in Rivendough. There is plenty of candy and elvish chocolate to fix that.

FRODO:

What happened Gumdalf?

Gumdalf looks at him quizzically.

FRODO:

Why didn't you meet us? At the inn of the Dancing Donuts?

GUMDALF:

(looking into the distance) Oh, I'm sorry Frodo (he sighs) I was delayed.

Gumdalf is shown being thrown to the ground on the roof top of Trufflegard. Sourman walks up to him, pointing his candy cane at him.

SOURMAN:

The friendship of the Head Dentist is not lightly thrown aside.

Saruman uses his candy cane to throw Gumdalf across the rooftop, and leave him lying in midair off the edge of the roof. He pulls out a toothbrush.

SOURMAN:

One ill turn deserves another (walking over to Gumdalf) it is over. Your teeth will be brushed. There is no escape.

Gumdalf sees a moth fly past his face.

SOURMAN:

Embrace the power of the Braces, or embrace your teeth's cleaning! (he lifts his candy cane and throws Gumdalf face first back onto the roof top. He prepares to brush Gumdalf's teeth)

GUMDALF:

There is only Lord of the Braces (he looks up at Sourman) Only one who can bend them to his teeth (he sees the moth fly behind Sourman, followed by an eagle) and he does not share power! (he scrambles to his feet and jumps from the roof top)

Sourman walks to the edge of the roof to see Gumdalf on the back of the eagle flying off.

SOURMAN:

So you have chosen candy. It will bring you death.

The eagle flies off over the Sno-Cone Mountains as dawn rises.

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Please keep up the awesome reviews! :D


	21. Chapter 21

In the previous chapter, I changed the Misty Mountains into the Sno-Cone Mountains. :D Thanks so much FandomFangirl100 and Skyheart09! Keep up the awesome reviews, they light up my dreary and boring life. And...*drum roll* a special thanks to Fili's Girl! Yours was the 40th review! :DDDD I cannot believe a story I wrote actually has 40 reviews! Thanks so much everyone! And now, on to the important stuff...

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In Rivendough Frodo is still looking quizzically at Gumdalf.

FRODO:

Gumdalf? What is it?

GUMDALF:

(wakes from his daydream memory) hmm (he shakes his head and speaks unconvincingly) Nothing Frodo.

SODASAM:

Frodo! (he comes running in and takes Frodo's hand) Frodo!

FRODO:

SodaSam!

SODASAM:

Bless you, you're finally awake! Here, have some elvish chocolate!

FRODO:

Thanks, SodaSam! (He eats it) Wow, this is the best chocolate I've ever had! I need more!

SODASAM: I haven't any more with me, I ate the rest. But there's plenty here!

GUMDALF:

(smiling) SodaSam has hardly left your side. He kept bringing chocolate in here, hoping you had woken up.

SODASAM:

(sitting on the bed) We were that worried about you, weren't we Mr. Gumdalf?

GUMDALF:

by the skills of Lord Elchocolate (he turns his head as Elchocolate enters the room, carrying bags of fine chocolate) your teeth are beginning to mend.

ELCHOCOLATE:

Welcome to Rivendough, Frodo Baggins. I bring the finest chocolate in Middle-Earth.

FRODO:

I can never thank you enough for this chocolate, Lord Elchocolate. I must get candy on my teeth, they are far too clean.

ELCHOCOLATE:

Of course, Master Baggins. (He gives Frodo a bag of chocolate)

An elf on a horse can be seen riding into Rivendough from afar. We see Rivendough in the depths of a valley. Frodo walks out onto his balcony and looks out on Rivendough. He walks around with SodaSam and suddenly comes across Merry and Pippin who run to him and they hug, laughing. He suddenly pauses as he sees a small figure sitting on a bench writing in a book, it is Skittles, very much aged.

FRODO:

(runs over to him) Skittles!

SKITTLES:

(stands up) Hello Frodo my lad!

FRODO:

(runs up and hugs him) Skittles.

Frodo opens up Skittles' book and sees the title written there.

FRODO:

To Candy and Back Again... A Candymaker's Tale" by Skittles Twizzler (he flicks through the pages looking at the maps and drawings and scribing) This is wonderful!

SKITTLES:

I meant to go back. Wander the candy factories (he walks over to sit beside Frodo) visit Chowtown, see the Mountain Dew again (sitting down) but cleanliness, it seems has finally caught up with my teeth.

Frodo continues to turn the pages until he reaches the map of the Candy Land. Skittles smiles at him, they look at it together.

FRODO:

I miss Candy Land. I spent all my childhood pretending I was off somewhere else... off with you on one of your candymaking sprees...(pauses thinking) My own adventure turned out to be quite different (they turn to look at each other) I'm not like you Skittles.

BILBO:

(half smiles and reaches a hand to Frodo's face) My dear boy. Surely you remember how to make candy?

FRODO: Of course I do, Skittles!

SKITTLES: Then you will be quite all right.

SodaSam can be seen packing his backpack.

SODASAM:

Now what have I forgotten? I think I have enough candy for the return journey.

Frodo walks up to him.

FRODO:

Packed already?

SODASAM:

(stands up startled) No harm in being prepared!

FRODO:

I thought you wanted to eat elven chocolate, SodaSam (he walks away)

SODASAM:

I do.

FRODO:

More than anything.

SODASAM:

I did. Its just (he looks around to see who's listening and walks over to Frodo)We did what Gumdalf wanted didn't we? We got the Braces this far to Rivendough and I thought... seeing as how you're teeth are getting candy on them again, we'd be off soon ... off home to Candy Land.

FRODO:

You're right SodaSam (he turns to face him) We did what we set out to do (He takes the Braces out of his pocket and holds them out) the Braces will be safe in Rivendough. I am ready to go home. But first, let's get more of that elvish chocolate! My teeth still feel strangely clean.

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:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD REVIEWS?! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD :D


	22. Chapter 22

Thanks so much FandomFangirl100, Elektra Elentari and Fili's Girl for your awesome reviews! :DDDDDD Fili's Girl, I think that's a great idea...I think I probably will write a parody of The Hobbit when I'm done with this. ;D

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Elchocolate and Gumdalf are looking down at Frodo and SodaSam from a balcony.

ELCHOCOLATE:

His cavities return.

GUMDALF:

His teeth will never fully heal, he will carry fewer cavities for the rest of his life.

(he looks at Elchocolate)

ELCHOCOLATE:

And yet to come so far, still bearing the Braces, the hobbit's teeth have shown extraordinary resilience to their evil. They are still finely crooked. (he walks over to a carafe of Sprite)

GUMDALF:

It is a burden his teeth should never have had to bear. (shaking his head) we can ask no more of Frodo.

ELCHOCOLATE:

(turning to look at Gumdalf, speaks seriously) Gumdalf! The enemy is moving! The Head Dentist's forces are massing in his office, his eye is fixed on Rivendough ... and Sourman you tell me has betrayed us... Our list of Candymakers grows thin!

GUMDALF:

His dental skill runs deeper than you know. (Elchocolate looks at him frowning) By foul craft Sourman has made dental floss in great quantities, he is breeding an army to use it in the caverns of Trufflegard. An army that can move in sight of candy and gather great distance at speed. Sourman is coming for the Braces.

ELCHOCOLATE:

This evil cannot be concealed by the candy of the elves. We do not have the Candymakers to fight both Dentistdor and Trufflegard! (Gumdalf walks away from him) Gumdalf! the Braces cannot stay here.

Gumdalf looks forlorn. He leans on the balcony and looks out. He sees Boroburger riding into Rivendough, Lasagnalas and other elves and Gimtea walking with fellow dwarves.. all look in wonder at this place.

ELCHOCOLATE VOICEOVER:

This peril belongs to all in Middle Earth they must decide now how to end the power of the dentists.

ELCHOCOLATE:

The time of the elves is over. My people are leaving these shores. Who will you look to when we've gone? The dwarves? They hide in their mountains seaking riches to buy candy, they care nothing for making their own.

GUMDALF:

(turning to him) It is in men we must place our hope.

ELCHOCOLATE:

Men! (turning away) Men are weak (he walks through his library Gumdalf follows)the race of men is failing. The blood of Newton's Fig Bar Factory is all but spent, its pride and dignity all but forgotten. It is because of men the Braces survived. I was there Gumdalf (we see Elchocolate fighting in the Battle of the Last Alliance) I was there three thousand years ago (Elchocolate watches as Isildur cuts the Braces from the Head Dentist's mouth) when Isildur took the Braces. I was there the day the teeth of men failed(Isildur looks at the Braces he has just cut) Isildur hurry, follow me (Elchocolate in the battle appears before Isildur) I led Isildur into the heart of Mount Orthopedic (Elchocolate appears inside Mount Orthopedic with Isildur behind him. They stand on a ledge over a mass of melted carmel. He beckons to Isildur) Come!

ELCHOCOLATE VOICEOVER:

Where the Braces were forged. The one place they could be destroyed. (Elchocolate looks at Isildur)

ELCHOCOLATE:

(to Isildur) Cast it into the carmel!

Isildur holds the Braces up and rolls them in his fingers.

ELCHOCOLATE:

Destroy it!

ISILDUR:

No (he turns and walks out of Mount Orthopedic)

ELCHOCOLATE:

Isildur! (Isildur walks out of the Crack of Carmel)

ELCHOCOLATE VOICEOVER:

It should have ended that day but evil was allowed to endure (Elrond in Mount Orthopedic, stares after Isildur in despair)

ELCHOCOLATE:

(turns to Gandalf) Isildur kept the Braces. The teeth of the Kings were strengthened. There's no cavities left in the teeth of men. They're straight, clean, healthy.

GUMDALF:

There is one who could help them. One who could reclaim the throne of Gummydor.

ELCHOCOLATE:

He turned from that path a long time ago. He has chosen dieting.

* * *

Of course, I would greatly appreciate a review. ;)


	23. Chapter 23

Thank you so much FandomFangirl100 for your continued reviews! Please, everyone else. One word is enough to make me go nuts.

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Sticky is sitting quitely on a landing in Rivendough, surrounded by beautiful paintings, reading a book, Dieting for Dummies. He looks up as he hears footsteps. Boroburger walks up to a painting on the wall, depicting Isildur cutting the Braces from the Head Dentist's mouth and his sword breaking. He looks in awe at it, then suddenly turns as he hears a faint noise. He sees Sticky reading and looks at him.

BOROBURGER:

Be careful with that dieting book.

STICKY:

Why?

BOROBURGER:

The elves would not approve. Only mortals diet.

STICKY:

I know. I am trying to give up dieting. But it is hard. (He sighs)

BOROBURGER:

You are no elf. An elf would never consider dieting.

STICKY:

Men of the South are welcome here, even dieters.

BOROBURGER:

(nods) Who are you?

STICKY:

I'm a friend of Gumdalf the Candymaker.

BOROBURGER:

(nods) Then we are here on a common purpose (he pauses) friend.

Sticky just looks back at him. Boroburger turns, a little confused. He notices a statue of a lady holding an elven shield with broken sword pieces on it.

BOROBURGER:

The shards of Narsil (he picks up part of the broken Heath Bar) The candy bar that cut the Braces from the Head Dentist's mouth (he runs his finger along the tip of it and cuts it causing melted chocolate to get on it) Ah! (looks at it in wonder) Its still melty (he looks at Sticky who is staring at him) but no more than a broken heirloom (he drops the bar quickly and walks off. A piece falls to the ground. Boroburger pauses, but continues to walk)

Sticky walks up and picks up the piece. He pauses and sighs, the replaces it carefully upon its plinth with reverence. AlmondJoyWen walks up behind him.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

Why do you fear the past? You are Isildur's heir, not Isildur himself. Your teeth are not bound to his fate.

STICKY:

The same blood flows in my veins (he turns to face her) The same weakness for dieting.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

(walking up to him) Your time will come. You will face the same dentist and you will defeat him. A si i-Dhúath ú-orthor, Sticky. Ú or le a ú or nin. _(The Dentists do not hold sway yet, Sticky. Not over you and not over me.) _

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Review or I will send a dentist after you. ;D


	24. Chapter 24

Thanks so much Vanessa Shaw and Guest for reviewing! And of course, my faithful follower FandonFangirl100. ;DDD

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It is night. Sticky and AlmondJoyWen stand opposite each other on a small bridge hidden away in Rivendough.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

Renech i lu i erui govannen? (_Do you remember when we first met?_)

STICKY:

Nauthannem i ned ol reniannen._ (I thought I had strayed into a candy factory.)  
_

ALMONDJOYWEN:

(reaching up and stroking his face) Gwenwin in enninath...U-arnech in naeth i si celich. (_Long years have passed…You did not diet like you do now._) Renech i beth i pennen? _(Do you remember what I told you?)_

STICKY:

(sighs and runs his fingers over the Snickers bar hanging from her neck) You said you would bind yourself to me, even if it meant dieting (she stares at him meaningfully) foresaking the tasty life of your people.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

and to that I hold. I would rather diet with you than eat all the candy of Rivendough alone.

AlmondJoyWen loosens her hold on Sticky's gripped hand. He looks down and opens his hand to discover the Snickers lying there

ALMONDJOYWEN:

I choose a dieter's life.

STICKY:

You cannot give me this.

ALMONDJOYWEN:

It is mine to give to whom I will. Like my heart (she closes his hand over the Snickers. They look at each other hesitating and then kiss)

* * *

Of course, please review! :DDDD


	25. Chapter 25

Thanks so much to Skyheart09, Elektra Elentari, Candymouse and of course, FandomFangirl100. Also a super special thanks to Philip Callaway and OneSizeFitsAll for all the AWESOME reviews of past chapters!

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Seated in a circle are all the representatives of Middle Earth. Elchocolate stands to greet them and hands out chocolate bars.

ELCHOCOLATE:

Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Dentistdor. Middle Earth stands upon the brink of dental cleanliness. None can escape it. You will unite or your teeth will be brushed. Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom. (He looks at them all and settles on Frodo, gesturing to him) Bring forth the Braces, Frodo.

Frodo walks over to the carved chocolate plinth in the middle of the circle and carefully puts the Braces down on it.

BOROBURGER:

(puts his hand to his mouth) So it is true.

Frodo sits back down and sighs, closing his eyes. Lasagnalas and Gimtea eye the Braces suspiciously as it seemingly speaks to them. Boroburger stands up.

BOROBURGER:

In a dream (he looks again at the Braces) I saw the Eastern sky grow dark (he starts to walk towards the Braces) In the West a pale light lingered A voice was crying, dentistry is near at hand. Isildur's bane is found (Elchocolate looks at Gumdalf concerned. Boroburger stretches out his hand to the Braces) Isildur's Bane...

Elchocolate jumps to his feet.

ELCHOCOLATE:

Boroburger!

The sky darkens and Gumdalf beings to speak in Dental Speech, Boroburger jumps back.

GUMDALF:

Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, (Gimtea shouts, and as Gumdalf stands Boroburger backs off to his seat)  
ash nazg thrakatulûk (Elchocolate holds his mouth in pain, and Lasagnalas closes his eyes grimacing) agh burzum-ishi krimpatul. (Frodo stares at the Braces as they appear to be talking to him)

(_One Pair of Braces to rule them all, One Pair of Braces to find them,  
One Pair of Braces to bring them all and in the absence of candy bind them)_

The sky clears and the sun reappears Boroburger sits down shocked.

ELCHOCOLATE:

(horrified and angered) Never before has anyone uttered words of that tongue here in this house of chocolate.

GUMDALF:

I do not ask your pardon Master Elchocolate for the Dental Speech of Dentistdor may yet be heard in every corner of the West(he turns round to look at everyone there) The Braces are altogether evil (he turns to sit back down)

BOROBURGER:

(shakes his head) Aye they are a gift! (he stands up) A gift to the foes of Dentistdor. Why not use these Braces? (He walks round addressing everyone) Long has my father, the Steward of Gummydor kept the forces of Dentistdor at bay. By the straight teeth of our people are your lands kept safe. Give Gummydor the weapon of the enemy, let us use it against him!

STICKY:

You cannot wield them. None of us can (Boroburger turns to face him) The One Pair of Braces answer to the Head Dentist alone. They have no other master.

BOROBURGER:

(scathingly) and what would a mere jolly rancher know of this matter?

LASAGNALAS:

(standing up) This is no mere Jolly Rancher. He is Sticky son of Chewy. You owe him your allegiance.

BOROBURGER:

(looks at Sticky in disbelief. Frodo looks at Sticky amazed) Sticky! This.. is Isildur's heir.

LASAGNALAS:

and heir to the throne of Gummydor.

Frodo continues to try and take in all this information. Sticky holds his hand up.

STICKY:

Havo dad, Lasagnalas. (Sit down, Lasagnalas)

BOROBURGER:

(turns to Lasagnalas) Gummydor has no King. (he walks back to his seat, staring at Sticky) Gummydor needs no King (he stares at Sticky disdainfully)

GUMDALF:

Sticky is right. We cannot use it.

ELCHOCOLATE:

(standing up again) You have only one choice. The Braces must be destroyed.

GIMTEA:

Then what are we waiting for?

Gimtea stands, takes his coffee brewer. Elchocolate and Gumdalf look worried as Gimtea pours coffee on the Braces. A shock vision of the Head Dentist appears to Frodo who holds his mouth in pain. Gimtea is thrown onto the floor, his coffee brewer shattered, whilst the Braces remain undamaged. Gumdalf looks at Frodo in concern as the words of the One Pair of Braces are uttered from it.

ELCHOCOLATE:

The Braces cannot be destroyed, Gimtea, son of GlowInTheDark, by any craft that we here possess. The Braces were made in the carmel of Mount Orthopedic. Only there can they be unmade. It must be taken deep into Dentistdor and cast back into the carmely chasm from whence it came. (the Braces continue to whisper) One of you... must do this.

There is silence

BOROBURGER:

One does not simply walk into Dentistdor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just dental assistants. There are oral surgeons there who do not sleep. And the great eye is ever watchful. Tis a sterile office, riddled with floss and hand sanitizer and mouthwash. The very air you breathe is a teeth cleaning fume. Not with ten thousand chocolate chip cookies could you do this. (shaking his head) It is folly.

LASAGNALAS:

(jumping to his feet) Have you heard nothing Lord Elchocolate has said? The Braces must be destroyed!

GIMTEA:

and I suppose you think you're the one to do it!

BOROBURGER:

and if we fail what then? (he stands up) What happens when the Head Dentist takes back what is his?

GIMTEA:

(jumps to his feet) I will have straight teeth before I see the Braces in the hands of an elf!

The elves stand up to back Lasagnalas. The men do the same, they all start talking and arguing

GIMTEA:

Never trust an elf! Some elves have white teeth!

Gumdalf shakes his head. Frodo watches the arguing in the reflection in the Braces' wires. Gumdalf stands to join the arguments.

GUMDALF:

Do you not understand that while we bicker amongst ourselves, the Head Dentist's power grows?! None can escape it! You'll all have clean teeth!

Frodo stares at the Braces as he hears these words uttered:

Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul,  
ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul

The people he can see in the Braces are suddenly covered with fire

FRODO:

(standing up) I will take it (they continue to argue, not hearing him) I will take it (Gumdalf closes his eyes in sorrow) I will take the Braces to Dentistdor (they all stop and look at him in awe) Though, my teeth are still rather clean.

GUMDALF:

That will soon be mended. I will help you bear these Braces, Frodo Baggins, as long as they are yours to bear. (he walks and stands behind him)

STICKY:

(who has so far not joined in the arguments, stands) If by candy or cupcakes I can protect you, I will (he walks up to Frodo and kneels before him) You have my sword.

Gumdalf smiles and looks at Elchocolate who smiles

LASAGNALAS:

and you have my spaghetti. (he walks over to join the others)

GIMTEA:

and my coffee (looking at Lasagnalas who grimaces as he too joins the others)

BOROBURGER:

You carry the fate of all teeth little one. (he walks towards them) If this is indeed the will of the Council, then Gummydor will see it done.

Peering through the bushes SodaSam shouts and runs to join Frodo

SODASAM:

Mr Frodo's not going anywhere without me!

ELCHOCOLATE:

No indeed it is hardly possible to seperate you, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not!

Pippin and Merry are listening to all this from behind some pillars. They run in.

MERRY:

Wait! we're coming too!

They run and join the others. Elchocolate looks astounded.

MERRY:

You'd have to send us home tied up in candy wrappers to stop us.

PIPPIN:

Anyway you need more Candymakers on this sort of mission ...quest ...thing.

MERRY:

Well that rules you out Pip!

ELCHOCOLATE:

(looks at the nine stood together) Nine companions... So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Braces!

PIPPIN:

Great! Where are we going?

* * *

As always, please review! ;D


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks Elektra Elentari and FandomFangirl100 for reviewing! :D

* * *

In the gardens of Rivendough, the hobbits stand waiting with Gimtea and Boroburger. Lasagnalas runs down some steps to join them with several more bags of chocolate.

A hand brushes over a grave stone to reveal the elven chocolate speech writing on it:

Onen i-Estel Edain, ú-chebin estel anim._( I gave Candy to the Chewedain, I have kept none for myself)_

pulling off moss and brushing aside leaves. Sticky kneels in front of the statue of his mother.

ELCHOCOLATE IN THE BACKGROUND:

Anirne hene beriad i chên în. Ned Imladris nauthant e le beriathar aen. (_She wanted her child to have candy._

_ She thought that in Rivendough you would have it._)

Sticky brushes his hand over the statue's mouth.

ELCHOCOLATE IN THE BACKGROUND:

In her mouth your mother knew you'd diet all your life.

ELCHOCOLATE:

(walking through the bushes towards Sticky) but you'd never escape your fate. The skill of the elves can recook the Heath Bars of Kings, but only you have the power to eat them. (Sticky looks up and pauses)

STICKY:

I do not want that power, I have never wanted it.

ELCHOCOLATE:

You are the last of that blood line, there is no other.

* * *

As always, please review! :P


	27. Chapter 27

Thanks to FandomFangirl100 and Philip Callaway for the reviews! Every one is appreciated, thank you so much! :D And...Himba means sticky in elvish.

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A sack cloth is drawn aside, revealing a small Milky Way.

SKITTLES:

My old candy bar, Himba (Skittles picks up the bar and hands it to Frodo. They are in Skittles' bedchamber in Rivendough) Here, take it, take it.

Frodo pulls the Milky Way from it's wrapper, looking at it in awe.

FRODO:

It's so chocolatey!

SKITTLES:

Yes Yes (Frodo turns it round looking at the candy bar) Cooked by the elves you know. The chocolate gets sticky when orcs are close and its times like that my lad, when you have to be extra careful.  
Here's a pretty thing. (he lifts a shirt made from rock candy from his bed and holds it up for Frodo to see) Rock candy! (he holds it in front of Frodo and shakes it) as light as cotton candy and as hard as a dental pick. Let me see you put it on, go on.

Frodo begins to unbutton his shirt revealing the Braces around his neck. Skittles spots them and takes a breath. Frodo suddenly notices Skittles staring at it.

SKITTLES:

(pointing at the Braces) My... my old braces. Well I should... very much like to hold them again, one last time.

Frodo begins to button his shirt back up again. Suddenly Skittles, looking wild, makes a swift grab for it. Frodo jumps back looking shocked. Skittles falls back with his hand to his mouth looking distraught.

SKITTLES:

I'm sorry I brought this upon you my boy (tearfully) I'm sorry that you must carry this burden (he slumps down on his bed and starts to cry). I'm sorry for everything

Frodo walks over to him and puts his hand on his shoulder. Skittles holds Frodo's hand.

* * *

Sorry this was short, but please review anyway! ;D


	28. Chapter 28

Thanks so much FandomFangirl100 and Philip Callaway for reviewing, even though that was a short chapter! :D Here's another short one. Lol.

* * *

Elchocolate is speaking outside in Rivendough.

ELCHOCOLATE:

The Bracesbearer is setting out on the quest of Mount Orthopedic, and you who travel with him, (the fellowship is standing in front of him) no gum nor sugar are laid to go further than you will  
(Sticky smiles at AlmondJoyWen who drops her head) Farewell. Hold to your purpose and may the candy of elves (looking at Lasagnalas), and men (looking at Boroburger), and all folk with filthy teeth (looking at Gimtea) go with you. (he raises his hand and gestures for them to leave)

GUMDALF:

The Fellowship awaits the Bracesbearer.

Frodo looks nervously around and turns to walk through the arches.

FRODO:

Dentistdor, Gumdalf, is it left or right?

GUMDALF:

(Hands him a packet of gum) Left.

Frodo leads out, Gumdalf, Gimtea, Boroburger, Pippin, Merry, Lasagnalas, SodaSam... Sticky pauses and looks back at AlmondJoyWen. They exchange a long glance. Sticky smiles, nods his head, and follows the others. AlmondJoyWen slowly eats a chocolate bar.

The Fellowship leaves Rivendough.

* * *

Please review! :D


	29. Chapter 29

Thanks so much FandomFangirl100, Elektra Elentari, and Philip Callaway for reviewing! :D Every review lights up my day, thanks! :DDDDDDD

* * *

The Fellowship walks over mountains, past ancient ruins of candy factories, over hills.

GUMDALF VOICEOVER:

We must hold this course west of the Sno-Cone Mountains for forty days. If our luck holds the Gap of Brohan will still be open to us. (SodaSam is trying to make candy on an open fire.) and there our road turns east to Dentistdor.

SodaSam walks over with the plate to Frodo.

FRODO:

What's this?

SODASAM:

Well, they're supposed to be tootsie rolls.

FRODO:

(eats one) Better than your first attempt. But they still need work.

They sit watching Merry and Pippin practice making hamburgers with Boroburger. Aragorn looks on, chewing gum.

BOROBURGER:

Good, very good. (he hands Pippin a slice of cheese)

STICKY:

Move those pickles. They must be evenly distributed over the whole burger.

MERRY:

That looks good, Pippin.

PIPPIN:

(looking over his shoulder at Merry) Thanks (Merry walks over with some mustard)

GIMTEA:

(who is sitting behind them on the rocks, near to Gumdalf, whilst Lasagnalas stands keeping watch) If anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I note that they're not, I'd say that we were taking the long way round. Gumdalf, we could pass through the Headquarters of Starbucks. My cousin Balin would give us a tasty welcome.

GUMDALF:

No Gimtea, I would not take the road through Starbucks unless I had no other choice.

Lasagnalas runs in front of them and stands and stares at a green cloud in the distance. Gumdalf pauses to follow his eyes.  
Meanwhile, Boroburger's hand slips and he spills ketchup all over Pippin's hand.

PIPPIN:

ARGH! YOU JUST WASTED PRECIOUS KETCHUP!

BOROBURGER:

Sorry!

Pippin kicks Boroburger in the leg.

MERRY:

Get him! (he throws himself at Boroburger)

The two hobbits wrestle Boroburger to the ground and jump on him. Sticky looks on amused.

PIPPIN:

For Candy Land! Hold him, hold him down Merry! (Boroburger laughs)

STICKY:

(getting up and taking hold of the hobbits) Gentlemen, that's enough! (Merry and Pippin grab Sticky's legs, throwing him backwards onto the ground)

PIPPIN:

You've got my arm... argh!... you've got my arm!

SodaSam stands up and notices that the cloud looking like dark specks is moving towards them

SODASAM:

What is that?

GIMTEA:

Nothing, its just a whisp of cloud.

BOROBURGER:

(pausing from the scuffle looks up) Its moving fast... against the wind.

LASAGNALAS:

Broccoli! From Green Giant!

STICKY:

Hide! (he runs to grab his sword)

BOROBURGER:

Hurry!

STICKY:

(grabs his sword) Frodo! Take cover!

They all run gathering their things and dousing the fire, and dash under the rocks out of sight  
A great flock of broccoli flies over them, screaming, it circles around and then flies off  
The Fellowship emerge from their hiding places.

GUMDALF:

Spies of Sourman. The passage south is being watched (Frodo looks distressed) We must take the Pass of Ice Cream (they look up at the snowy peaked mountains)

* * *

*gets down on knees and begs* review? Please? :D


	30. Chapter 30

Thank you so much Incendiumcire, Skyheart09, FandomFangirl100, Philip Callaway, and Amused Guest for reviewing! :DDDDD Also thanks to everyone who faved and followed. I'd really appreciate it if you dropped me a little review! *hint hint* Anyway, even if you don't review, enjoy the chapter! :D

* * *

The Fellowship is walking up the slopes of an ice cream covered mountain. Frodo stumbles, falls and rolls back down the slope.

STICKY:

Frodo! (he catches him and picks him up)

Frodo brushes the snow off himself, and notices that the Braces are no longer handing round his neck. Further up the mountain the Braces are picked up by their chain. Frodo looks concerned. Boroburger holds the Braces dangling in front of his face in awe. Gumdalf turns around. Everyone looks concerned.

STICKY:

Boroburger.

BOROBURGER:

It is a strange fate that our teeth should suffer so much cleaning and whiteness over so small a thing (he is mesmerised by it) such a little thing (he raises the Braces to dangle by his mouth)

BOROBURGER:

(urgently) Boroburger! (Boroburger abruptly stops, halted from his isolation) Give the Braces to Frodo.

BOROBURGER;

(looking shocked and walks to a worried Frodo and holds out the Braces. Frodo snatches them from him) as you wish! I care not (he grins, hestitates as he sees Sticky's face, laughs and ruffles Frodo's hair, before walking off)

Sticky stares after him and releases his grip on his bag of candy.

In Trufflegard, the mines are deep. The Broccoli circle around inside them, until they find Sourman.

SOURMAN:

So Gumdalf, you try to lead them over The Ice Cream Pass. And if that fails, where then will you go?

The Fellowship struggle around the side of the mountain, through deep ice cream and strong winds.

SOURMAN VOICEOVER:

If the ice cream defeats you, will you risk the beverage road?

As the Fellowship struggle on, the hobbits being carried by Sticky and Boroburger who are thigh deep in the ice cream, Lasagnalas lightly walks across the ice cream past them to the head of the line. He listens as he hears echos on the wind.

SOURMAN:

Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya! _(Wake cruel Ice Cream Machine! May their teeth never escape!)  
_

LASAGNALAS:

There is a flossy voice on the air!

GUMDALF:

It's Sourman!

A mighty crack is heard overhead, and several huge pieces of rainbow Sno-Cone fall down from the mountain top, narrowly missing them.

STICKY:

He's trying to bring down the Sno-Cone! Gumdalf! We must turn back!

GUMDALF:

No! (he steps out to the edge of the path) Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i 'ruith! _(Sleep, icy Sno-Cone, be still, lie still, hold your wrath!)_

SOURMAN:

(standing on top of Isengard drowns him out) Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; Nai yarvaxea rasselya; taltuva notto-carinnar!_(Wake up cruel Sno-Cone! May your icy coldness fall upon enemy heads!)  
_

A great streak of lightning hits the top of the mountain above the Fellowship and an avalanche of rainbow Sno-Cone rains down on top of them, burying them underneath it. Moments later Lasagnalas emerges from the snow. He looks around to see the others emerge. Pippin is eating ice cream and Sno-Cone.

BOROBURGER:

We must get off the mountain! Make for the Gap of Brohan and take the west road to my city!

STICKY:

The Gap of Brohan takes us too close to Trufflegard!

GIMTEA:

If we cannot pass over the mountain, let us go under it! Let us go through the Headquarters of Starbucks!

Gumdalf pauses thinking.

SOURMAN VOICEOVER:

Starbucks... you fear to go into that shop.

SOURMAN:

(in Trufflegard flicking through a book, stops at a page showing the door of Starbucks) the dwarves drank too greadily and too grew too much coffee.

SOURMAN VOICEOVER:

(as Gumdalf hears him knowingly) You know what they woke in the dark of the basement.

SOURMAN:

(turning over another page to show a firey balrog) Terror, unknown.

GUMDALF:

Let the Bracesbearer decide.

Frodo looks confused and turns to SodaSam.

BOROBURGER:

We cannot stay here! (Merry and Pippin look frozen and scared next to him) This will be the death of the hobbits!

GUMDALF:

Frodo?

FRODO:

(hesitating) We will go through Starbucks.

GUMDALF:

So be it.

* * *

There's a button over there called a review button. Use it or I will call down Sno-Cones on you. Jk. ;P


	31. Chapter 31

Thanks Shadowfax Rules, Elektra Elentari, Skyheart09, Guest, Darth Matimo and Philip Callaway for reviewing! :D Almost to 100 reviews! Whoever gives me the 100th review will get virtual elvish chocolates...

* * *

The Fellowship walk through a misty, rocky valley.

GUMDALF:

Frodo, come and help an old Candymaker (he puts his arm around Frodo and continues walking) How's your teeth?

FRODO:

(looking up at Gumdalf concerned) Better than they were.

GUMDALF:

and the Braces? (he pauses and Frodo looks up at him) You feel their power growing don't you. I've felt it too. You must be careful now. Dentists will be drawn to you from outside the Fellowship and I fear even dieters from within. (one of the Fellowship walks past and Gumdalf looks up, Frodo looks worried)

FRODO:

Who's teeth then do I trust?

GUMDALF:

You must trust to your own. Trust your teeth.

FRODO:

But my teeth were cleaned!

GUMDALF:

You must trust your teeth, clean or dirty. But try to keep them dirty. It was not your fault.

FRODO:

I know.

GIMTEA:

(pauses and points) Ah! The walls of Starbucks!

In front of them a great sheer flat cliff face appears.

GIMTEA:

Doors of coffee shops are invisible when closed (he taps the wall with his coffee brewer)

GUMDALF:

Yes Gimtea! Their own masters cannot find them, if their secrets are forgotten!

LASAGNALAS:

Why doesn't that surprise me!

GIMTEA:

Ach!

Frodo stumbles and his foot slips into the edge of a lake of mouthwash. He looks around worried. The Fellowship continue to walk on. Gumdalf stops and rubs his hand over a smooth part of the wall.

GUMDALF:

Ah... now let me see... Ithildin (his hands brush away the dirt to reveal patterns in the stone) It mirrors only starlight...(he looks up to see the clouds move away from the moon) and moonlight.

As he speaks the patterning on the door shines brightly revealing an ornate door, with elvish writing above it on the arch. Gimtea looks at it in awe. Gumdalf points at the writing with his candy cane.

GUMDALF:

It reads "The Doors of Jerry Baldwin, Lord of Starbucks, Scan Candy and Enter"

MERRY:

What do you suppose that means?

GUMDALF:

Oh it's quite simple. If you are a friend, you put the correct piece of candy under that scanner and the doors will open (he turns back to the door and holds his candy cane against the star in the center of it) Annon Edhellen, edro hi ammen! (_Gate of the Sugar Elves, open now for me!) _

Pippin grins widely, but nothing happens. Gumdalf looks confused and clears his throat. He starts searching through a bag of candy.

GUMDALF:

Fennas Nogothrim, lasto beth lammen. _(Doorway of the Dwarf-folk, scan now this candy.)  
_

Still nothing happens. Gimtea grunts. Lasagnalas looks at him.

PIPPIN:

(speaking to Lasagnalas) Nothing's happening.

Gumdalf is scanning all kinds of candy from his bag.

GUMDALF:

(walks up to the door and tries to push it) I once knew what kind of candy was for each scanner.

PIPPIN:

What're you going to do then?

GUMDALF:

Knock your head against these doors Peregrin Took! and if that does not shatter them and I'm allowed a little peace from foolish questions I will try to find the opening sweet.

The Fellowship are sitting waiting for Gumdalf to find the correct candy. They sit around on the rocks. Gumdalf mutters.

GUMDALF:

Ando Eldarinwa…a lasta quettanya, Fenda Casarinwa… _(Scanner of Elves…listen to my word, Machine of Dwarves…)  
_

Sticky is helping SodaSam remove the sacks of sugar from Bill the pony.

STICKY:

Starbucks is no place for a pony, even one so brave as Bill.

SODASAM:

Bye Bill.

STICKY:

Go on, go on (he gives him a push) Don't worry SodaSam. He knows the way home to Rivendough. (Sam looks on concerned and the pony walks away)

Merry starts throwing rocks into the mouthwash. Pippin joins him.

STICKY:

(grabbing Pippin) Do not disturb the mouthwash. (he looks out at it concerned)

PIPPIN:

I was trying to make it dirtier.

STICKY:

A good thought, but mere stones will not foul this mouthwash. It is very strong, too strong... (he leans over and sniffs it) Do not touch this vile liquid. (The hobbits back off)

GUMDALF:

(throws down his candy cane and walks towards Frodo who is sitting down) Oh, it's useless.

Sticky is watching the mouthwash as ripples start to appear. Boroburger walks up behind him and looks concerned.  
Frodo suddenly stands up and looks at the door's writing.

FRODO:

It's a riddle!

The ripples on the mouthwash turn to waves. Pippin looks worried.

FRODO:

Scan candy... and enter. What's the elvish word for candy?

The ripples move towards the shore

GUMDALF:

Lisse! (He writes it on a candy wrapper and scans it)

A great crack is heard and the doors swing open. Gumdalf chuckles. Gimtea removes his coffee cup from his mouth and looks round. The Fellowship get up as Gumdalf leads the way through the doors, placing a large sugar crystal in the top of his candy cane. Sticky looks backwards at the lake before entering.

GIMTEA:

Soon Mr Elf, you will enjoy the fabelled hospitality of the dwarves. Roaring brewers! Black coffee! All kinds of tea!

Gumdalf blows on the sugar crystal in his candy cane and it lights up.

GIMTEA:

This my friend is the home of my cousin Balin and they call it a coffee shop!

The light reveals many dead corpses and skeletons on the stairs in front of them.

GIMTEA:

A coffee shop!

BOROBURGER:

(looking around him) This isn't a coffee shop, it's a dental office!

They all look about them to see the skeletons of dwarves, whose teeth even in death are shiny and clean.

GIMTEA:

(running to a corpse) Nooooo! NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!

LASAGNALAS:

(pulling some floss from their teeth. He looks at it in distaste) Dental assistants! (He throws it down)

Sticky and Boroburger pull out candy, and Lasagnalas makes ready rolls of spaghetti.

BOROBURGER:

We make for the gap of Brohan. We should never have come here.

The hobbits huddle together backing out of the mines.

BOROBURGER:

Now get out of here! Get out!

Suddenly Frodo falls. He has been grabbed by a large gloved hand that has crept into the coffee shop from the mouthwash.

MERRY AND PIPPIN:

Frodo! Frodo!

The hand pulls Frodo out of the shop.

SODASAM:

Sticky! (SodaSam slashes at the hand with his sword and frees Frodo.) Get off him!

MOUTHWASH MONSTER:

(In a sweet voice) This is Cool-Mint Listerine Mouthwash! Come, let us make your teeth stronger!

FRODO:

NOOOO! Please, no! My teeth were just cleaned!

MOUTHWASH MONSTER:

You must brush three times a day and use mouthwash at least once a day.

FRODO:

Never!

The hand withdraws. The suddenly many hands jump out of the mouthwash, knocking the hobbits over and grabbing Frodo by the leg, pull him back and dangle him in the air above the mouthwash.

MERRY:

Frodo!

Lasagnalas appears and tangles spaghetti over it, but the creature does not let go.

FRODO:

Sticky!

Sticky and Boroburger slash at the hands, cutting them off, but more appear. Frodo is drawn into the center where a body appears and a huge smiling face. He screams. Boroburger cuts through a arm, Sticky cuts through the arm holding Frodo. Frodo falls and Boroburger catches him.

GUMDALF:

Into the coffee shop!

BOROBURGER:

Lasagnalas!

He shouts as the creature advances on Sticky and Boroburger (still carrying Frodo) who are struggling to get out of the mouthwash. Lasagnalas loops spaghetti around the creature's body. It groans and backs off momentarily. The Fellowship hurry through the door with the creature following them. It tears at the doorway, bringing it crashing down and blocking the entrance.

* * *

By the way, lisse is the elvish word for sweet. It is the closest I could find to candy. ;P Please review! I am so excited, I am almost to 100 reviews! :DDDDDD


	32. Chapter 32

Thanks to Guest, Darth Matimo, Elektra Elentari, FandomFangirl100, Philip Callaway, and KawaiiKittyWuv for reviewing. SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!*drum roll* To you, skyheart09, may I present this bag of virtual elvish chocolate in honor of the 100th review, which you submitted. *fireworks go off and confetti flys* THANK YOU ALL!

* * *

In the dark, Gumdalf lights the sugar crystal on his candy cane.

GUMDALF:

We now have but one choice, we must face the long darkness of an out of business coffee shop. Have your candy ready, there are newer and more sanitary ways to clean teeth in the deep basements of coffee shops (he walks off leading the way down the steps) Quietly now, its a four day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed.

They walk through hallways, over counter tops and by disused brewers, with abandoned tables and chairs. Gumdalf stops as he notices sticks of rock candy and he gently touches them.

GUMDALF:

The wealth of Starbucks is not in coffee, or tea, but rock candy.

He shines his candy cane at the sticks and everyone looks down in awe at the abandoned sticks of rock candy.

GUMDALF:

Skittles had a shirt of rock candy that Thorin gave him.

GIMTEA:

Oh, that was a tasty gift.

GUMDALF:

Yes. I never told him, but its worth was greater than the value of Candy Land! (Frodo looks astonished)

They continue to climb down some very steep steps. They are slick with coffee. Pippin slips on them.

MERRY:

Pippin!

They reach a junction with three doorways in front of them. Gumdalf looks around him puzzled.

GUMDALF:

I've no memory of this place. It smells of toothpaste.

The fellowship sit down to wait, whilst Gumdalf chews gum, tries to decide which way to go.

PIPPIN:

Do we have enough candy?

MERRY:

Yes.

PIPPIN:

I think we don't.

SODASAM:

Ssh! Gumdalf's thinking!

PIPPIN:

Merry!

MERRY:

What!

PIPPIN:

I need candy!

Frodo glances behind him, then suddenly turns as he sees a creature climbing up the stairs behind them. He runs up to Gumdalf.

FRODO:

There's something down there.

GUMDALF:

It's Gollum.

FRODO:

Gollum!

GUMDALF:

He's been following us for three days.

FRODO:

He escaped the dungeons of Barad-Dûr!

GUMDALF:

Escaped (he turns to face Frodo) or was set loose and now the Braces have drawn him here (Gollum's hand reaches for a rung on a ladder and his face appears, looking) His teeth will never be rid of their need for it. He hates and loves the Braces, as he hates and loves candy. Smeagol's life is a sad story (he shakes his head). Yes (nodding) he was once called, before the Braces found him. Before they straightened his teeth.

FRODO:

It's a pity Skittles didn't clean his teeth when he had the chance.

GUMDALF:

Pity? It was pity that stayed Skittles' hand. Many who eat candy deserve to have their teeth brushed, and many who get their teeth brushed deserve candy. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out toothpaste and floss. Even great Candymakers cannot see all sweets. My mouth tells me that Gollum has some part to chew, for tastyness or toothpaste... before this is over. (Frodo glances back and Gollum quitely slips away) The pity of Skittles, may rule the fate of many teeth, yours not least. (Frodo turns away slightly distressed)

FRODO:

I wish the Braces had never come to my teeth. I wish nobody's teeth had been straightened.

GUMDALF:

So do all who live to chew in such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to eat with the teeth that are given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides the will of dentists. Skittles was meant to find the Braces, in which case you also were meant to have them and that is an encouraging thought. (he raises his eyebrows)  
Oh! It's that way!

MERRY:

He's remembered (he jumps up)

GUMDALF:

(at the entrance to one doorway) No, but the air smells foul down here. Less like toothpaste. If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose. Or your mouth.

They all get up and follow Gumdalf out. They come out of the passageway into a great cavern with many coffee brewers arising from floor to ceiling.

GUMDALF:

Let me risk a little more light (he holds up his candy cane and shines its light on the cavern) Behold the great realm and dwarf city of Coffeedelf.

A huge cavern is revealed, filled with ornate brewers stretching as far as the eye can see.

SODASAM:

There's an mouth-opener and no mistake.

They walk through the center of the magnificient brewery.

* * *

As always, please review! ;D


	33. Chapter 33

Thanks to skyheart09, Philip Callaway, FandomFangirl100, and Jesus' girl 4ever for reviewing! :D

* * *

Gimtea spots a room in front of them and runs towards it.

GIMTEA:

Oh!

GUMDALF:

Gimtea!

Gimtea kneels in front of the gigantic coffee cup in the centre of the room.

GIMTEA:

No, no (he bows his head) no.

The rest of the Fellowship follow him in. Gumdalf walks up to the coffee cup and reads the rhunes inscripted upon it.

GUMDALF:

Here lies Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Starbucks. (Gimtea distraught) He is dead then. (he removes his hat) It is as I feared.

Gimtea cries. Gumdalf notices a skeleton next to the tomb holding a large old menu. He passes his hat and candy cane to Pippin. Gumdalf picks up the menu. Pages fall out of it. Gumdalf blows off the dust.

LASAGNALAS:

(to Sticky) We must move on, we cannot linger.

GUMDALF:

(reading from something that has been written in the back of the menu) They have taken the Front Door and the First Chairs. We have barred the brewery, but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. Dentists (Pippin is looking at the candy cane with a hungry look on his face) Dentists in the deep. We cannot get out. (everyone is looking around them nervously) A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out. They are coming. (Pippin licks the candy cane)

CANDY CANE:

SCREEEEEEEEECHHHH!

GUMDALF:

(closing the menu and snatching his hat and candy cane) Fool of a Took! Throw yourself and your candy into a dental office next time, and rid us of your stupidity and your toothpastey candy! (Dental instruments are heard clinking)

Pippin looks folorn. As Gumdalf turns away dentists are heard talking sweetly about their work. The clinking get louder and faster. Everyone looks around. SodaSam looks at Frodo's milky way.

SODASAM:

Frodo!

Frodo pulls the Milky way from it's wrapper. The chocolate is sticky.

LASAGNALAS:

Dental assistants!

Boroburger runs to the door. Carrot sticks fly past his head, narrowly missing him, and stick into the door.

STICKY:

(to the hobbits) Get back! and stay close to Gumdalf.

Gumdalf puts his arms around them. Boroburger shuts the doors quickly. Sticky comes to help him bar it shut with sugar canes.

BOROBURGER:

They have an oral surgeon!

Lasagnalas throws candy bars to them to bar the door. Gumdalf draws his candy bar. The hobbits copy. The doors are being battered. Gimtea gets up on Balin's coffee cup tomb.

GIMTEA:

Agh! Let them come! There's one dwarf yet in Starbucks who still eats candy.

Sticky has his sword ready, and Lasagnalas his spaghetti. Boroburger stands with a burger in hand. As the door is battered down, Legolas throws some spaghetti through a hole in it. An dental assistant screeches. The door is broken down with dental picks and the assistants run in. The fellowship fight them off with spaghetti, burgers and candy. SodaSam suddenly pauses in the fight. Sticky looks over to the door as a oral surgeon enters, holding a pamphlet about the benefits of oral surgery.

ORAL SURGEON:

(sweetly) Come! Your teeth are filthy, let me pull one!

GIMTEA:

You foul thing!

ORAL SURGEON: Awww, you cute little fellow, I'm sure you would love a perfect smile!

GIMTEA: (pulls out a cup of coffee) I'd like to see you try.

ORAL SURGEON:

This won't hurt at all, you won't feel a thing!

FRODO:

Like the Morgol Toothbrush?!

ORAL SURGEON:

Why, yes! You're a lucky one, very few can afford such dental care!

FRODO:

It's called sarcasm. I was being sarcastic.

ORAL SURGEON:

About what?

FRODO:

Don't be a fool! The Morgul Toothbrush! It nearly killed me! And you deserve death! (He leaps and swings his candy bar Himba at his face.

ORAL SURGEON:

(His face is covered with melted chocolate) AAAHHHHH! PAAIINN! NOOO!

He goes into a panic, bashing the walls with his fists. He screams in agony. Lasagnalas loops spaghetti around him and drags him to the ground, but he breaks loose with his instruments. He sees SodaSam and raises a huge needle above his head to poke SodaSam and put him to sleep for surgery. SodaSam dives to the side and throws a tootsie roll at his face. He dodges it. Sticky and Boroburger throw French fries at him.

The surgeon stumbles backwards, then swings around to face them. He hits Boroburger hard with a dental pick, and he is flung against the wall. A dental assistant advances on the dazed Boroburger. Sticky throws a piece of candy into its mouth. The dental assistant screams, flopping on the ground and groaning with agony. The oral surgeon smashes a pick into the coffee cup tomb, causing Gimtea to fall to the ground. SodaSam, Merry and Pippin hide behind a coffee brewer. The oral surgeon continues to swipe frantically with his picks, sending his assistants flying and Gimtea to the ground. Lasagnalas stands in front of him, loops more spaghetti around his neck, and pulls him to the ground. Gumdalf fights the assistants with his candy cane. Lasagnalas struggles to control the oral surgeon. The surgeon manages to get an arm free, and wildly swings a dental pick. Lasagnalas ducks and narrowly missed getting hit. The surgeon and Lasagnalas fight fiercely, and finally the surgeon gets loose.

Meanwhile SodaSam fights the dental assistants, throwing tootsie rolls into their mouths and watches them die, clutching their mouths.

SODASAM:

Think I'm getting the hang of this.

The oral surgeon finds Merry, Pippin and Frodo. They look at it in horror. Merry and Pippin run to one side as he smashes his pick down. Sticky shouts to Frodo admist the fight.

STICKY:

Frodo!

Frodo hides behind a brewer. The surgeon's smiling face appears around the brewer. Sticky fights his way over to Frodo. The surgeon goes around to the other side of the brewer as Frodo sidles around it. As Frodo sidles around, once the surgeon is gone, he breathes a sigh of relief. Suddenly the surgeon's face appears in front of him and grins. Frodo stumbles back into a corner, gasping with fear. The surgeon reaches out and grabs him by the foot, dragging him along.

FRODO:

Sticky! (he grabs hold of a old straw as he is dragged) Sticky!

STICKY:

Frodo!

Sticky rushes over to him. The surgeon pulls Frodo in front of him and gets out a needle. Sticky jumps down in front of the surgeon as he lifts the needle to stab Frodo. He whacks his face with a candy bar. The surgeon screams. Pippin and Merry throw M&amp;Ms at its head. The surgeon grabs Sticky and pulling out some floss, true to floss his teeth. Sticky kicks him in the face and the surgeon swings his dental pick, flinging him across the room where he falls, knocked out. Frodo runs over to him. The surgeon behind him, throws his pick at Frodo. Frodo moves quickly and the pick goes into the wall instead. He dodges the surgeon as he lunges for him again. Frodo tries to run away, but the surgeon blocks his path, smiling sweetly. Frodo falls back against a wall. The surgeon quickly plunges his needle into Frodo's chest. Frodo gasps. Gumdalf turns around. Merry and Pippin look on in horror as Frodo gasps for breath. The oral surgeon laughs. Merry and Pippin look at each other and run towards the surgeon, candy bars ready for a fight. They tackle the surgeon and jump on his back, whacking him with their chocolate bars. SodaSam suddenly notices.

SODASAM:

Frodo!

SodaSam fights his way over to Frodo, as do Gumdalf and Boroburger. Frodo collapses on the ground. Merry and Pippin continue to beat the oral surgeon with their candy bars, still on its back. He reaches up and grabs Merry, tripping him and throwing him to the ground. Gimtea runs up to the surgeon and pours coffee on his head. The surgeon swipes him to the ground. Gumdalf sticks a wad of gum in his mouth. Lasagnalas stands in front of the surgeon and stuffs some spaghetti directly into its mouth. The surgeon groans and stumbles. They watch him, as he stumbles and falls to the ground, and dies. Gumdalf hurries over to Frodo. Sticky crawls over to Frodo as SodaSam watches on.

STICKY:

Oh no!

Sticky turns Frodo over. He gasps and groans. SodaSam can't beleive he's awake and rushes over. Frodo holds his chest.

SODASAM:

(breathing a sigh of relief) He's awake!

Gumdalf breathes in relief. Frodo sits up and looks around.

FRODO:

I'm alright. I'm not hurt.

STICKY:

You should be asleep and ready for surgery. That needle would have skewered peanut brittle.

GUMDALF:

I think there's more to this hobbit than meets the eye.

Frodo parts his shirt to reveal the rock candy vest. SodaSam touches it

GIMTEA:

(looking on in awe) Rock Candy! You are full of surprises Master Twizzler!

Gumdalf looks around as he hears screeches behind them and shadows approaching.

* * *

Please review! ;D


	34. Chapter 34

Thanks so much FandomFangirl100, Darth Maitimo, skyheart09, Jesus' girl 4ever, ccgaylord, ishquawiaidurgnul, Cupcake55, Phillip Callaway for reviewing! :DDDD Keep it up, you are all awesome. ;D

* * *

GUMDALF:

To the Bridge of Earl Grey Tea!

The Fellowship run out of the tomb area, dental assistants swarm behind them, screaming and waving toothbrushes. They glance around themselves to see thousands of assistants chasing them, climbing out of cracks in the floor, out of the roof and down the giant brewers. Eventually they are forced to stop, completely surrounded by grinning dental assistants, who put toothpaste on their toothbrushes, and step forward. The Fellowship holds various edibles out before them, and prepare for battle.

Then a great roar is heard from a archway, which shines with white light. The dental assistants look round worried. The roar is heard again, the assistants gasp in terror and scatter, dropping their toothbrushes in their haste. A low roar is heard again and the glowing white draws nearer.

BOROBURGER:

What is this new dentistry?

Gumdalf closes his eyes and thinks hard, as if he is dreading telling what is there. As he open his eyes, the light covers the entrance path of columns in front of them.

GUMDALF:

It is a cosmetic dentist, a whitener of teeth. Their tooth whitening power is beyond any of your candy. RUN!

They run as fast as they can, leaving the cavern of brewers. Boroburger races ahead, down some steps, but suddenly finds the steps end above a great chasm. He teeters on the edge trying not to fall. Lasagnalas runs up behind him, loops some spaghetti around him and pulls him back from the ledge. Gumdalf stumbles in last.

STICKY:

(looking at Gandalf concerned) Gumdalf!

GUMDALF:

Lead them on Sticky! The Bridge of Earl Grey is near!

The narrow bridge gaps the two sides of the great chasm. A roar is heard behind them as the white glow draws closer.

GUMDALF:

(pushing Sticky away) Do as I say! (Sticky looks at him confused. Gumdalf walks past him) Candy is no more use here.

They turn to the right and run down the steps in front of them, which wind their way to the Bridge. Suddenly they reach a break, a gap in the staircase, which is too wide to step over. Lasagnalas nimbly jumps the gap and looks expectantly at the others. They hear a roar again behind them as the roof above starts to crumble.

LASAGNALAS:

(beckoning) Gumdalf!

Gumdalf jumps over the gap to join Lasagnalas. Carrot sticks fly through the air, narrowly missing Boroburger and the hobbits. Lasagnalas turns, flings some spaghetti and a dental assistant falls of a distant ledge, choking, with the spaghetti around it's neck.

BOROBURGER:

Merry! Pippin! (he takes each hobbit under each arm and jumps with them. As he does so, a greater chunk of the steps they were standing on falls away)

Lasagnalas continues to slay dental assistants with spaghetti.

STICKY:

SodaSam! (he picks him up and throws him across the gap to Boroburger, then looks at Gimtea)

GIMTEA:

(holding up his hand) Nobody tosses a dwarf! (he takes a mighty leap and lands teetering on the other side. Lasagnalas loops spaghetti around his small coffee brewer to save it, then pulls Gimtea to safety) Mind the brewer!

Sticky throws Stevia leaves at the dental assistants, but they are not near as effective as the spaghetti. Lasagnalas pulls Gimtea to safety. Suddenly more of the steps they have just left fall away. Sticky throws Frodo to safety further up the steps and clings onto the stairs as a great portion of them fall into the chasm. The gap is now too wide to jump. The rest of the Fellowship look worried. Frodo wobbles on his feet.

STICKY:

(standing up and holding Frodo's back) Steady! Hold on!

The doorway entrance behind them glows shining white. A great roar comes from just behind it. The doorway and roof above crumble, and a great chunk of rock falls from the roof, into the staircase behind Sticky and Frodo, creating another great gap. They are now isolated on the staircase. The column on which this part of the staircase is, begins to crack and the staircase sways.

STICKY:

(holding Frodo's clothing from behind) Hang on!

The staircase on which they are standing continues to sway from side to side. Everyone looks frightenend.

STICKY

Lean forward!

The staircase sways then falls forward towards the rest of the Fellowship.

LASAGNALAS:

(holds out his arms) Come on!

Sticky and Frodo jump. Lasagnalas grabs hold of Sticky, Boroburger of Frodo, As they run down the remaining staircase, the part of the staircase they were standing on collapses completely, falling into the chasm.

They run onto another room. The whole place is now filled with blinding white light.

GUMDALF:

Over the Bridge! (the flames grow higher. Gumdalf waits for the others to pass) Chew candy!

They run past Gumdalf, who turns towards the growing light. From out of the midst of the light a great person clothed in white appears, with special tooth whitening toothpaste in hand. He roars at Gumdalf, spewing mouthwash from his mouth. He walks after them with great strides, as one by one, the Fellowship cross the narrow bridge, Gumdalf taking up the rear. Half way across the bridge, he stops and turns to face the Cosmetic Dentist.

COSMETIC DENTIST:

Give me all of your candy! It will stain your teeth!

GUMDALF:

You cannot chew!

FRODO:

(looking at Gumdalf in horror) Gumdalf!

The cosmetic dentist stretches his arms and draws himself up to full height in front of Gumdalf.

GUMDALF:

I am a Maker of the Secret Hubba Bubba. Chewer of Double Bubble.

The cosmetic dentist reaches down and pulls out a toothbrush in front of Gumdalf, puts toothpaste on it and holds it high above its head.

GUMDALF:

White teeth will not avail you. (he holds out his staff in front of him, glowing white) Toothwhitener of Udun!

The cosmetic dentist tries to stick his toothbrush into Gumdalf's mouth, but Gumdalf protects himself with his candy cane, bringing a crash and flash of great light. He drops his toothbrush and roars at Gumdalf.

GUMDALF:

Go back to your office!

The cosmetic dentist puts out a foot onto the bridge. He wields a huge piece of floss, which he flicks above his head.

GUMDALF:

You shall not floss! (he raises his stick of gum and candy cane above his head and brings the candy cane down hard upon the Bridge)

The cosmetic dentist snorts at him, raises his floss and takes another step forward. As he does so, the Bridge collapses and the cosmetic dentist falls into the chasm. Gumdalf grunts and turns to walk away. As he does so, the tail end of the dentist's floss snakes up and around his ankle, dragging him down. He clings onto the edge of the bridge. Frodo dashes towards him, but Boroburger holds him back.

BOROBURGER:

No!

FRODO:

Gumdalf!

Gumdalf tries to hold on by his fingertips.

GUMDALF:

(looking at them for a last time) Chew you fools! (he falls into the chasm)

FRODO:

NOOOOOOOO!

He struggles against Boroburger who is holding him. Sticky is looking on in disbelief.

BOROBURGER:

Sticky! (he takes Frodo and runs) Sticky pauses. Then turns and runs dodging the carrot sticks flying after him.

They run outside, leaving Starbucks. The Fellowship all collapse heartbroken, the hobbits are crying, Lasagnalas looks folorn, Boroburger hugs a angry Gimtea. Sticky licks a bar of candy.

STICKY:

Lasagnalas! Get them up!

BOROBURGER:

(pulls out some fries) Give them a French fry! For pities sake!

STICKY:

By nightfall this hills will be swarming with dental assistants! We must reach the Hershey's chocolate factory. Come, Boroburger, Lasagnalas, Gimtea, get them up ! (he reaches a tearful Sam and lifts him) On your feet SodaSam, (he pats him on the shoulder) Frodo? (he sees Frodo walking away in the distance) Frodo!

Frodo, stops walking and turns to face Sticky, tears rolling down his face. Sticky now leads the remaining Fellowship away from the rocky hills. He runs ahead across a stream and stops, looking down at woodland below and smiles.

* * *

Reviews are candy. ;D


	35. Chapter 35

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! *hands huge bag of elvish gummy worms to Elektra Elentari* You were the 140th reviewer! Thank you! I got 10 reviews on that chapter! So epic! Yay! Anyway, thank you everyone else, namely Darth Maitimo, FandomFangirl100, Phillip Callaway, ccgaylord, Rousdower, freefornow, FellBeastFondue, Jesus' girl 4ever, and... *drum roll* myself! Yes, I reviewed my own story. ;P I couldn't help it, I just love that last chapter. *hands self bag of elvish chocolate* yum! Now, on with the chapter...

* * *

The Fellowship run swiftly across a meadow into the forest made of sticks of cotton candy. Once in there, they walk quitely and carefully, looking around them.

GIMTEA:

(beckoning) Stay close young hobbits. (holding Frodo's arm) They say there's a great sorceress lives in these cotton candy sticks. An Sugar-Witch of terrible power. All who eat her candy fall under her spell...

GUMMYWORMRIEL VOICE-OVER:

Candy! (Frodo looks about him quickly) Candy!

GIMTEA:

..and they never eat sweets again.

GUMMYWORMRIEL VOICE-OVER:

Your coming to us (Frodo sees a vision of a packet of gummy worms opening) as the footsteps of dentists. You bring great dentistry here! (echos) Bracesbearer!

SODASAM:

Mr Frodo?

GIMTEA:

Well! Here's one dwarf she won't make chew her sweets so easily! I have the mind of a Candymaker, and the teeth of a Candyeater!

Gimtea is brought up abruptly by a loop of spaghetti appearing around his neck.

GIMTEA:

Oh!

The Fellowship are surrounded by elves with drawn spaghetti on all sides. Lasagnalas has drawn his own spaghetti in response. Sticky holds his hand up in peace.

HALCHOW:

(stepping forward) The dwarf breathes so loud, we could have strangled him in a dentist's office.

Gimtea growls.

The Fellowship is now standing on a platform in the cotton candy. It is evening.

HALCHOW:

Mae govannen, Legolas Thranduilion. _(Welcome Lasagnalas, son of Thranduil)  
_

LEGOLAS:

Govannas vîn gwennen le, Halchow o Lórien. _(Our Fellowship chews in your debt, Halchow of Lórgummy.)  
_

HALCHOW

A, Sticken in Chewedain istannen le ammen. _(Oh, Sticky of the Chewedain, you are known to us.)  
_

STICKY:.

(bows) Halchow.

GIMTEA:

So much for the legendary courtesy of the Elves! Give us candy so we can all chew!

HALCHOW:

We have not eaten with the dwarves, since the dental days.

GIMTEA:

And do you know what this Dwarf says to that? Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul! _(I pour mouthwash upon your grave!)_

STICKY:

(slapping his hand on Gimtea's shoulder) That! was not so courteous!

HALCHOW:

(turning to look at Sam and Frodo) You bring dentistry with you (he pauses) You can not chew with us!

They turn to look at Frodo. Sticky talks avidly to Halchow.

STICKY:

Boe ammen veriad lîn. Andelu i ven! _(We need your protection. The road is ridden with dentists)  
_

STICKY:

Merin le telim. _(I wish that we may chew with you.) _(Halchow replies quietly)

Henio, aníron boe ammen i dulu lîn! _(Please, understand, we need your candy!)  
_

Lasagnalas turns around and looks at Frodo, who glances at SodaSam. SodaSam looks away sadly, Merry and Pippin look at Frodo and turn away, and Gimtea turns to look at Sticky and bows his head.

HALCHOW:

Sticky!

STICKY:

(pleading) Andelu i ven. _(The road is very toothpastey)  
_

Frodo again looks uncomfortable and alone.

BOROBURGER:

Gumdalf's death was not in vain. Nor would he have you give up hope. There is still candy to chew. Your teeth carry a heavy burden, Frodo. Don't carry the weight of toothpaste.

FRODO:

Gumdalf never used toothpaste!

BOROBURGER:

I know.

HALCHOW:

(walking up to Frodo) You will follow me.

* * *

Keep up the awesome reviews! :DDDDDDDDDDDD


	36. Chapter 36

I have decided that unless you are a new reviewer, or have not reviewed in a while, I am not going to answer every one, since all I ever say is Thanks for reviewing, and I don't want to spam you guys. But I am still making the thanks list at the beginning of each chapter. But I promise I read and cherish every single one.

So...thanks so much to Fandomfangirl100, Phillip Callaway, Rousdower, OneSizeFitsAll, Guest, Elektra Elentari, freeforall, and Jesus' girl 4ever! You are all awesome. ;D All also thanks to all of you who faved and followed! I'd love it if you dropped a review. Just one word? Puuuullllllleeeessseeeee? *big sad begging eyes*

Now that I'm done with the usual begging for reviews, on with the chapter!

* * *

_(Halchow leads them through a set of paths in the cotton candy until they are all on a hill overlooking a beautiful group of cotton candy sticks.)_

HALCHOW:

The middle of the forest of Cotton Candy. The heart of Elven sweetness on earth. Realm of the Celeborn the Cookie Monster and of Gummywornreil, Lady of Gummy candy.

_(The Fellowship arrives in the cotton candy. They walk up a winding stairway up one the sticks, which is crafted from peanut brittle. They walk towards the grand court of Gummywormreil and Celeborn. Holding bags of gummy worms, the two descend to meet the Fellowship. Sticky touches his head reverently in greeting. The rest of the Fellowship stares in awe)_

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER:

Me want cookie!

STICKY:

We have none, for we are almost out of supplies.

LASAGNALAS:

No, I have one chocolate chip cookie left.

GIMTEA:

I knew you were hiding something! A cookie! Why, you...

LASAGNALAS: (_offers the cookie to Celeborn) _

Would you like it?

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER: (_takes the cookie)_

Me eat cookie!

GUMMYWORMREIL:

Celeborn, you can have cookies anytime you want. We need to speak with them about their important mission.

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER:

Om nom nom nom.

GUMMYWORMREIL:

Celeborn!

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER:

Oh, right. The Enemy knows you have entered here. What hope you had of chewing candy in secret is now gone. Eight that are here yet nine there were set out from Rivendough. Tell me where is Gumdalf? For I much desire to chew his gum again. My shipments of gum no longer come from afar.

_(Gummywormreil looks at Sticky, reading the answer in his eyes)_

GUMMYWORMREIL:

Gumdalf the Candymaker did not pass the borders of this land. He has fallen into a dental office.

LASAGNALAS:

He was taken by both toothpaste and floss. A Cosmetic Dentist. For we went needlessly into Starbucks.

GUMMYWORMREIL:

Teeth cleaning was none of the candy Gumdalf made in life. We do not yet know his full purpose. (She turns her gaze to Gimtea) Do not let the great emptiness of Starbucks fill your brewer, Gimtea, son of GlowInTheDark. For the world has grown full of empty brewers. And in all lands candy is now mingled with toothpaste.

_(Gummywormreil looks at Boroburger with a piercing gaze that he can't stand. He starts shaking and casts his eyes downwards)_

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER:

What now becomes of this Fellowship? Without Gumdalf's candy, plaque is lost.

GUMMYWORMREIL:

The quest stands upon the edge of a dental pick. Eat but a little less candy and it will fail, to the teethcleaning of all. Yet hope remains while the Company can make candy.

_(She looks at SodaSam and smiles. SodaSam continues to gaze at her) _

GUMMYWORMRIEL:

Do not let your teeth be troubled. Go now and eat of our candy for your teeth are cleaner than they should be. Tonight you will chew in peace… (speaks to Frodo in his mind) Welcome Frodo of Candy Land. One who has seen the Head Dentist!

* * *

I sure hope I didn't scare anyone away by the face that Celeborn is a cookie monster. ;P Lol, I don't even know how I came up with that...


	37. Chapter 37

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! (again) I hereby award FandomFangirl100 the Awesome Receiver reward for submitting the 150th review! I also thank Rousdower, Phillip Callaway, Darth Maitimo, OneSizeFitsAll, Elektra Elentari, ccgaylord, freefornow, and Jesus' girl 4ever! :D I will give virtual elvish cotton candy to the 160th reviewer!

* * *

Gimtea, Lasagnalas, Merry, Pippin, Frodo and SodaSam are in a pavilion set in the cotton candy near a soda fountain. They lie on soft couches as Elves leave candy for them.

Mournful singing drifts down from high in the cotton candy.

LASAGNALAS:

(sadly) A lament for Gumdalf...

MERRY:

What do they say about him?

LASAGNALAS:

They are mourning because they will never taste his gum again.

MERRY:

Quite understandable.

SODASAM:

I bet they don't mention his Juicy Fruit. There should be a verse about that.

"The chewest gum ever sold  
They blew fine bubbles all in gold  
Or after parties, golden showers

_..._All chewing like a…rain of flowers"

Oh, that doesn't do it justice by a long road.

They all break down sobbing from thinking about Gumdalf's gum.

Boroburger is sitting alone...Sticky approaches him.

STICKY:

Make some burgers..these borders are well protected.

Moonlight catches the trace of tears on Boroburger's face. Sticky kneels down beside him.

BOROBURGER:

I can make no burgers here. I heard her voice inside my head...she spoke of my father and the fall of Gummydor, and she said to me: "Even now, there is candy left. But I cannot see it...it is long since we had any candy. My father is a candymaking man, but his sugar crops are failing and our..our people lose their sweets. He looks to me to make things right...and I would do it, I would see the glory of Gummydor restored. Have you ever seen it, Sticky? The Tower of McDonald's, glimmering like a spike of golden yellow, its sign up high in the morning breeze...have you ever been chewed there, with bottomless French Fries?

STICKY:

I have chewed in McDonald's..long ago.

BOROBURGER:

One day our paths will lead us there, and the few remaining eateries shall take up the call "the Candymakers of Gummydor have returned."

Sticky returns Boroburger's smile...betraying his disquiet sadness only when Boroburger looks away.

* * *

Please review! More Celeborn the Cookie Monster in the next chapter... ;D


	38. Chapter 38

I am sorry this took so long! I am going to respond to individual reviews in the front of the chapters now. Oh, and there is no Celeborn the Cookie Monster in this chapter. Or the next. It's in the one after that. Sorry, I miscalculated.

**freefornow:** yes, I agree. **Cupcake155: ***hand you huge stick of virtual elvish cotton candy* Thank for the curry suggestion! **JustAReviewer: **Thank you so much! I also wish to thank you for all your wonderful reviews on my other stories-I love them, and they are very fun to read! Thanks! **FandomFangirl100: **Yes, that chapter is awesome, isn't it?** Jesus' girl 4ever: **Thanks! :D** ccgaylord: **Sorry that depressed you. Did the candy help? **Rousdower: ***hands you a pack of Gumdalf's gum* Yes, Candy Angst! Oh, the tragedy! **Elektra Elentari: ***hands you a Gondorian burger* Thanks!** Phillip Callaway: **Here's the update you requested!

* * *

_(The Fellowship is asleep. Gummywormreil walks by in silence. Frodo wakes up with a start and proceeds to follow her. Gummywormreil walks into a kitchen and puts a pot on the stove. She takes a jar of corn syrup off the shelf, and turns towards Frodo, not surprised to see him there)_

GUMMYWORMRIEL:

Will you eat some corn syrup?

FRODO:

What will happen if I do?

GUMMYWORMREIL:

Even the wisest cannot tell. For corn syrup is an ingredient in many things.

_(She pours the corn syrup into the cooking pot and turns the heat on low)_

GUMMYWORMREIL:

Things that were eaten, things that are being eaten and some things… that have not yet been chewed.

_(Frodo steps up to the pot and picks up a spoon. He takes a spoonful of corn syrup and slowly eats it. He then peers down into the pot and sees nothing but his reflection. Then suddenly the syrup clears and shows a vision of Lasagnalas, Merry and Pippin, then SodaSam. He sees M&amp;M End, then invasions of dentists attack Candy Land, grabbing everyone and brushing their teeth. The hobbits scream in pain. Then suddenly the smiling face of the Head Dentist fills the entire pot. The Braces hanging from Frodo's neck pulls him closer to the corn syrup. Steam begins to curl up from the basin as the Head Dentist speaks to Frodo in Dental Speech. Terrified, he grabs the Braces and jerks back, throwing himself off the step and landing on his back on the floor)_

GUMMYWORMREIL:

I know what it is you saw. For it is also in my mind. It is what will come to pass if you should fail. The Fellowship is breaking. It has already begun. He will try to take the Braces. You know of whom I speak. One by one it will straighten all their teeth.

FRODO:

If you ask it of me, I will give you the One Pair of Braces.

_(Opening his palm, Frodo offers the Braces to her)_

GUMMYWORMREIL:

You offer them to me freely. I do not deny that my teeth have greatly desired this.

_(She approaches Frodo, her hand open. Her image begins to change) _

GUMMYWORMREIL:

In place of a head Dentist, you will set up a queen! Not with clean teeth but with candy and awesome as the sweets! Treacherous as the peanuts! Stronger than the foundations of Jawbreakers! All shall chew with me and despair!

_(She returns to normal with a scared look on her face)_

GUMMYWORMREIL:

I pass the test! I will make candy, and go into the West, and remain Gummywormreil.

FRODO:

My teeth cannot do this alone.

GUMMYWORMREIL:

Do you only have one tooth?

FRODO:

Of course not!

GUMMYWORMREIL:

Then they are not alone.

FRODO:

Then I know what I must do. It's just… I'm afraid to chew it.

_(Gummywormreil bends down to meet him at eye level) _

GUMMYWORMREIL:

Even the smallest tootsie roll can change the course of the future.

* * *

Random question for reviewers...if you could choose one person in Middle-Earth to live who died, who would you choose?


	39. Chapter 39

Sorry this is a short chapter! But pretty funny, lol. I am at 175 reviews! *does crazy dance* Thanks, you all! :DDDDDDDDDDD

**Cupcake155: **I would choose Feanor too. He's so crazy and awesome, lol. **Jesus' girl 4ever: **Thanks! And yes, I wish neither Fili or Kili died. :'( **Elektra Elentari: **Maybe you would see gummy worms, lol. **freefornow: **O_O While I don't like how Kili was portrayed in the movie, I don't dislike him that much. It's Tauriel I absolutely can't stand. She's such a Mary Sue. **FandomFangirl100: **I have absolutely no idea why peanuts are terrifying. Just a random idea of mine. ;P **Phillip Callaway: **Yes, Boromir is awesome. :) **ccgaylord: **Yes, Gummywormreil is super profound. ;) I think that's a great idea! Elros should have lived. **Rousdower: **Yeah, I know, right? I agree. ;D You were the 175th reviewer! *gives you bag of Gummywormreil's gummy worms* YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!

I just realized my author's note is almost as long as the chapter. O_O Sorry. Here's the chapter. :D

* * *

_In Trufflegard, Saruman and Lucy the dental assistant are standing in the central chamber)_

SOURMAN:

Do you know how the dental assistants first came into being? (he begins to walk in circle around Lucy, a smiling dental assistant) They were candymaking elves once, taken by the dental powers. Their teeth were brushed and flossed... With white and sparkling sets of teeth. Now…perfected.. my flossing Crest-Glide. Whom do you serve?

LUCY: (in a sweet, high-pitched voice)

Sourman!

_(The Crest-Glides wear their face masks and are given their dental instruments. They receive a woven crown of floss, which is placed on their heads, signifying Sourman's army. They then assemble before him)_

SOURMAN:

(to the troops) Hunt them down. Do not stop until they are found. You do not know chocolate. You do not know sugar. You will hear man-screams!

_(The troops sqeeee. Sourman turns to Lucy) _

SOURMAN:

One of the halflings carries something of great value. Bring them to me alive and with dirty teeth. Brush and floss the others! Then kill them.

_(The Crest-Glides leave Trufflegard)_

* * *

Another random question for reviewers: If Frodo had died after Weathertop, who should have taken the Ring?


	40. Chapter 40

Whooooohoooooooo! 40th chapter! Now this one has Celeborn the Cookie Monster! Yay!

**Rousdower:** Lol, I'm glad you like it so well! :D **Cupcake155: **O_O LOL I'm sure that's what Tolkien had in mind. **Jesus' girl 4ever: **Thanks! And I think Sam should have taken it too.** Just A Reviewer:** Yes, Lucy is Lurtz. I have nothing against ppl named Lucy, it's just the first name I thought fit well...lol. And I just updated Of Tribbles in Rivendell. **ccgaylord: **Sounds like a great idea to me! ;) **freefornow: **Thanks again! :D** samwise the grey:** Umm, have you seen the movie? Because Pippin does almost the exact same thing. And he was drunk. Obviously. **Elektra Elentari: **Run for your life! I also think Sam would have but I think Pippin would have been hilarious. **FandomFangirl100: **Thanks for pointing that out! I changed it. Who is Sauruman? I don't know. However, I am familiar with this Sourman guy...

Ok, now on with the chapter! :D

* * *

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER:

Never before have we given stranger's teeth the food of our own people. May these Pop Tarts shield your teeth from all toothpaste.

_(he pulls out a Pop Tart)_

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER:

Pop Tarts. Elvish waybread. One small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man. Om nom nom. (Merry and Pippin nod in agreement. Celeborn leaves)

MERRY:

How many did you eat?

PIPPIN:

Four.

_(Celeborn the Cookie Monster walks with Sticky among the cotton candy)_

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER:

Every league you travel south, the danger will increase. Dentistdor assistants now hold the eastern shore of the Cokeduin. Nor will you find safety on the western bank. Strange dentists bearing the white floss crown have been seen on our borders. Om nom nom.

STICKY:

Just what does that mean anyway?

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER:

What?

STICKY:

O nom nom or whatever.

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER:

That's what Cookie Monsters do!

STICKY:

Thanks. That's so helpful.

CELEBORN THE COOKIE MONSTER:

You're welcome. Anyway, seldom do dental assistants journey in the open in the sight of candy, yet these have done so. (He hand Sticky a container of cookies)_ Le aphadar aen._ *Your teeth are being tracked* By river you have the chance of outrunning the enemy to the Falls of Rauros. Om nom nom.

(_Sticky rolls his eyes)_

_(The Fellowship sets out in boats. Through a series of flashbacks, Gummywormreil is shown giving each member of the Fellowship a gift)_

GUMMYWORMREIL:

My gift for you, Lasagnalas, is spaghetti of Barilla. Worthy of the skill of our pasta kin. (Lasagnalas looks at the spaghetti in wonder. Merry and Pippin eat some of the Starbursts she has given them.) This is the candy of the Noldorin. Do not fear, young Peregrin Took. You will chew your candy. And for you, Soda Sam Hamgee, Elven Twizzlers.

SODASAM:

Thank you, my lady.

GUMMYWORMREIL:

And what gift would a dwarf ask of the Elves?

GIMTEA:

Nothing. Except to eat the chocolate of the Galadhrim one last time, for it is more sweet than all the rock candy beneath the earth. (Gummywormreil laughs and Gimtea starts to turn away, before turning around again.) Actually, there was one thing. (to himself) No, no, I couldn't. It's quite impossible. Stupid to ask…

GUMMYWORMREIL:

(to Sticky) I have nothing greater to give than the gift you already bear. (She touches the Snickers around his neck.) _Am meleth dîn, i ant e guil Arwen Undómiel pígatha._ *For her love, I fear the candy output of Almondjoywen Evensnickers will diminish.*

STICKY:

_ Aníron i e broniatha, ad ae periatham athar i methid en-amar hen. Aníron i e círatha na Valannor._ *I would have her leave these shores and be with her people. I would have her take the ship to the Valley of Candy*

GUMMYWORMREIL:

That choice is yet before her. You have your own choice to make, Sticky. To rise above the height of all your fathers since the days of Elendil, or to fall into a dentist's office with all that is left of your kin. _Namárië._ *Farewell.* _Nadath nâ i moe cerich. Dan, ú-__'eveditham, Elessar. _*There is much candy you have left to make. We will not meet again, Elessar.*

GUMMYWORMREIL:

(v.o.) Farewell, Frodo Baggins. I give you the light of Jello, our most beloved dessert.

_(Galadriel hands Frodo a container of jello, which glows faintly. She kisses his forehead)_

GUMMYWORMREIL:

(v.o.) May it be a sweet for you in unsavory places, when all other sweets have been eaten.

_(Gummywormreil raises her hand in farewell as the Fellowship canoes down the river. They reach the great river.)_

GIMTEA:

My teeth have taken the worst wound at this parting, having chewed my last upon that which is sweetest. Henceforth I will call nothing tasty unless it be her gift to me.

LASAGNALAS:

What was her gift?

GIMTEA:

I asked her for one strand of her cotton candy. She gave me three.

* * *

Reviews are still my precioussss...

Another random question: Did you like the changes PJ made to BOFA? Why or why not?


	41. Chapter 41

Yeah, I decided this story needed a more amusing picture. And I thought that pic of when Viggo broke his tooth was perfect... Sorry this chapter took so long. There is a special announcement! Whoever gets the 200th review will get a special prize! :D I will send you a sneak peak of the beginning of the Hobbit, evil dentist version. So, review, and you may get it! ;D

Now for review replies:

**Jesus' girl 4ever: **Glad you enjoyed! :) And go read the Hobbit. It's awesome. ;) **FandomFangirl100: **I know, right? Lol. Some of them were good, but Tauriel...no. *cringes* **ccgaylord: **Glad it made you laugh! :D If Tauriel was not his idea, then my opinion of him just went up. **Elektra Elentari: ***hands you a bag of cotton candy* It's not elvish though. Merely mortal cotton candy. Sorry, not a Tauriel fan. She's a Mary Sue and they drive me nuts. I also hate romance. So...yeah. What was the deal with those worms anyway? Made me think of Tremers. **Phillip Callaway: **YES! Give the ring to Sauron. ;P You haven't seen BOFA? That's awful. Really really terrible. Go watch it. ;)

Oh, and guys! GO VOTE ON MY POLL! Sorry, just making sure you saw that. ;P

* * *

_(The Fellowship float along the Cokeduin. The boats pass through a canyon. The Fellowship stops for the night on the banks of the river. Boroburger sees something moving in the water.)_

STICKY:

Gollum. He has tracked us since Starbucks. I had hoped we would lose him on the river. But he's too clever a waterman.

BOROBURGER:

And if he alerts the dentists to our whereabouts, it will make burgermaking even more dangerous.

SODASAM:

Have a tootsie roll, Mr. Frodo.

FRODO:

No, SodaSam.

SODASAM:

You haven't eaten any candy all day. Your teeth are already far too clean! They were brushed, remember? You're not eating Boroburger's fast food neither. Don't think I haven't noticed. Mr. Frodo-

FRODO:

My teeth are all right.

SODASAM:

But they're not. I'm here to help your teeth. I promised Gumdalf that I would.

FRODO:

You can't help my teeth SodaSam. Not this time. Get some sleep.

BOROBURGER:

Minas Tirith is the safer road. You know that. From there we can get food, make burgers and regroup. Strike out for Dentistdor from a place of French fries.

STICKY:

There is no food in Gummydor that can avail us.

BOROBURGER:

You were quick enough to trust the Elves' candy. Have you so little faith in your own people's burgers? Yes, there is whole wheat. There is lettuce. But there are cherry pies also, and juicy chicken nuggets to be found in the restaurants of Men. But your teeth will not chew that. (Sticky starts to turn away, but Boroburger yanks him back) You are afraid! All your life, you have hidden out with the dieters! Scared of who you are, of what you are.

STICKY:

I will not lead the Braces within a hundred leagues of your McDonald's.

* * *

Random question of the day: What is your favorite weapon? Do you own one? My favorite weapon is a bow, and I have one. I named it Heledir, Sindarin for Kingfisher. Yay! :DDDD


	42. Chapter 42

Hi guys! Warning: this chapter is really random. ;D YEEEHAAAA! I have 200 reviews! Thank you so much FandomFangirl100, for being the 200th reviewer! *hand you virtual elvish chocolate* Yayness! I will send you the prize as soon as possible.

**gisella89: **I am cracked. And proud of it. Yes, that is the answer. Lol, I'm crazy. **Jesus' girl 4ever: **If imaginary swords count, I have about 20...lol. I want Thranduil's swords so bad. **freefornow: **That's awesome! I really want to go hunting sometime. **Darth Maitimo: **Yes, I know your favorite weapons. *rolls eyes* yes, way to many to count. Wait, why did I just roll my eyes? I want them too! Mine! My own! My precioussss... **Elektra Elentari: **That's really sad. :( **ccgaylord: **Lol, thanks! I'm glad you like it. **Just a Reviewer: **Thank you! :D and I love daggers too. I really need some. **Guest: **It will. **Guest: **I know, right? **FandomFangirl100: **I already answered your review! ;P

* * *

_(The next morning, everyone is in the boats again, rowing down the Cokeduin. Sticky taps Frodo on the shoulder.)_

STICKY:

Frodo. The Greatest of Candymakers! Long have I desired to look upon the kings of the chocolate factories of old. My kin.

_(The Fellowship looks up in awe at the towering splendor of the statues of Willy Wonka. The Fellowship reaches the foot of Amon Hen, the Hill of Sight. As they reach the beach of Parth Galen, Boroburger looks troubled and appears to be fighting a conflict within him. The Fellowship starts to make camp)_

STICKY:

We cross the lake at nightfall. Hide the boats and continue on foot. We approach Dentistdor from the north.

GIMTEA:

Oh, yes? It's just a simple matter of finding our way though that factory of dental tools? An impassable labyrinth of razor-sharp dental picks! And after that, it gets even better! (Pippin looks up, alarmed) Festering, stinking mouthwash, far as the eye can see.

STICKY:

That is our road. I suggest you brew some coffee and recover your strength, Master Dwarf.

GIMTEA:

Recover my…?! Grrrrrr.

_(Lasagnalas looks into the forest around them, then turns to Sticky.)_

LASAGNALAS:

We should leave now.

STICKY:

No. Dental assistants patrol the eastern shore. We must wait for cover of darkness.

LASAGNALAS:

It is not the eastern shore that worries me. Toothpaste and floss have been growing in my mind. Something draws near. I can feel it. (Sticky looks around)

(_Suddenly, Lindir jumps out of the bushes. Lasagnalas reacts and flings spaghetti around his neck.)_

LINDIR:

I bring a message from Lord Elchocolate!

LASAGNALAS: (disdainfully)

What brings you here, Figwit?

LINDIR: (holds out a message)

This is for Sticky!

STICKY:

Here, give it to me. Why did you call him Figwit, Lasagnalas?

LASAGNALAS:

Because...

LINDIR:

It matters not!

LASAGNALAS:

It means Fruity Ice Goo with Icebreaker topping. It's a specialty of his.

LINDIR:

Well, it was an experiment...

LASAGNALAS: (laughing)

A failed one, you mean.

LINDIR:

What happened was not intentional!

STICKY:

What happened?

LASAGNALAS:

Well, Elchocolate kicked him out of Rivendough because his candymaking skills were so bad. He traveled to MikeandIkewood, hoping to cook for His Fabulousness, King Thrandipop. Unfortunately, the recipe he tried out with was Fruity Ice Goo with Icebreaker Topping. Let's just say...that didn't go very well?

(Lindir groans)

STICKY:

What happened next?

LASAGNALAS:

I was there. I was there, three thousand years ago, when Figwit...

STICKY:

Stop trying to sound like Elchocolate. You can't even attain his level of fabulousness.

LASAGNALAS:

You sound like my father. He thinks I will never reach his level of fabulousness.

STICKY:

And you probably never will. All you are doing is imitating people. Come up with your own epic lines.

LASAGNALAS: (annoyed)

Alright! I was just trying to be dramatic!

LINDIR:

You're a drama queen!

LASAGNALAS:

Shut up!

LINDIR:

You're a unfabulous drama queen!

LASAGNALAS:

Why, you...

STICKY:

Calm down, everyone. Lasagnalas, are you going to tell me what happened?

LASAGNALAS:

If you don't interrupt my fabulous narrative, then yes!

LINDIR:

Good luck with that!

STICKY:

Go ahead, Lasagnalas.

LASAGNALAS:

Well, Figwit here brought a plateful of his creation to His Fabulousness, King Thrandipop. He tried it, and announced that whoever had brought him such a foul thing should be cast into his dungeon.

LINDIR:

I escaped! Haha, so much for security!

LASAGNALAS:

...!

LINDIR:

And you were sent to catch me. But I eluded you!

LASAGNALAS:

I was not notified in time.

LINDIR:

Or, my fabulousness overwhelmed you and you stared in a trance while I escaped.

LASAGNALAS:

I grew up in the presence of my father, His Fabulousness, King Thrandipop! Fabulousness cannot overwhelm me! Ever!

LINDIR:

That's what...

STICKY:

I think I shall read this message.

(He opens it and looks inside)

_Dear Son:_

_I send you this message by Lindir, the worst Candymaker of all time. He has been terrorizing us with his terrible creations, and we all know what happened when he tried to cook for King Thrandipop. *sigh* I was there. I was there, three thousand years ago, when Lindir was thrown in disgrace out of MikeandIkewood. It should have ended there. In King Thrandipop's dungeons. But by the stupidity of Lasagnalas in allowing him to escape, his horrible candy was allowed to endure. I ask that you take him into your Fellowship, and teach him to make candy. Real candy, not the chocolate-covered fried mushrooms he keeps serving us. Do not allow him to return. Or I will knock his brains out with a jawbreaker. If he has any. I am sincerely sorry to lay this burden upon you, but there is no other. AND NO DIETING! You hear that? You are not allowed to teach him about dieting._

_Yours in this distressing hour,_

_Lord Elchocolate_

(Sticky moans and facepalms)

LASAGNALAS:

What is it?

STICKY: Would you like to join the Fellowship, Lindir?

* * *

*grins nervously* Now that was random, wasn't it? I decided the story could use some more hilariously. XD Hope you liked it. Random question: What is your favorite animal? Oh and by the way, my best friend and I once covered fried mushrooms in chocolate...it was sooooo disgusting...


	43. Chapter 43

Thanks to:

**Jesus' girl 4ever: Thanks again!**

**Just a Reviewer: KIIIISSSSLLLAAYYYIINNNNNGGGG! That's what I would do. Oops, I probably just scared half my readers away. O_O It's okay, guys, if you review I won't slay you! ;P Yeah, Figgy got past all the dentists using his pure fabulousness! Also, since I can't pm you, thank you so much for your reviews on my other stories! I love them! Thanks!**

**Guest: I intend to! :)**

**Darth Maitimo: But I like annoying you by talking about mushrooms in chocolate...**

**freefornow: The battle is coming soon...**

**FandomFangirl100: Those are awesome animals!**

**Elektra Elentari: Thanks! I love randomness too! ;)**

**Rousdower: Thank you thank you thank you! :D I'm glad you are a Lindir fan I am too! **

**ccgaylord: Lol yes! Gigantic statues of Willy Wonka would be really disturbing...**

* * *

LINDIR:

Really, could I help you destroy the one Pair of Braces?

STICKY:

Lord Elrond says you need lessons in candymaking. I can help you with that. And you will be coming with us. Here, I will start now. (he gets candymaking supplies)

_(Merry, returning with some wood for the campfire, looks around, alarmed)_

MERRY:

Where's Frodo?

_(SodaSam, who was half-dozing, rouses with a start. Sticky puts away his candymaking supplies, and looks over the camp. His gaze stops on Boroburger's cherry pie, lying with the baggage and he understands that also Boroburger is gone. In the forest, Frodo wanders around. He stands by an immense stone tootsie roll, lying with its side on the ground. Boroburger, gathering potatoes to make French fries, sees Frodo and approaches him. Frodo starts backing away, Boroburger continues to follow him) _

BOROBURGER:

None of us should wander alone. You, least of all. So much candy depends on you. Frodo? I know why you seek solitude. Your teeth suffer, I see it day by day. You sure they do not suffer needlessly? There are other ways, Frodo. Other foods that we might eat.

_(Frodo starts backing away from Boroburger who continues to walk towards him)_

FRODO:

I know what you would say. It would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my teeth.

BOROBURGER:

Warning? Against what? We're all afraid, Frodo. But to let that fear drive us, to destroy what candy we have, don't you see that is dentistry?

FRODO:

There is no other way!

BOROBURGER:

I ask only for the strength to make burgers for my people! (in anger, he throws the gathered potatoes to the ground) If you would but lend me the Braces...

FRODO:

No! (steps back)

BOROBURGER:

Why do you recoil? I am no dentist.

FRODO:

You are not yourself.

BOROBURGER:

What chance do you think you have? They will find you. They will take the Braces. And you will beg for toothpaste before the end!

_(Frodo turns and begins to run from Boroburger)_

BOROBURGER:

You fool!

_(Boroburger gives chase)_

BOROBURGER:

They are not yours save by unhappy chance! They could have been mine! (he catches Frodo and tackles him) They should be mine! Give them to me!

_(Frodo struggles to keep him away from the Braces)_

BOROBURGER:

Give them to me!

FRODO:

No!

_(Frodo sticks the Braces in his mouth and disappears. He kicks Boroburger and runs away. Boroburger looks around desperately)_

BOROBURGER:

I see your mind. You will take the Braces to the Head Dentist! You will betray us! You go to your teethcleaning, and to the flossing of us all! Curse you! Curse you and all the candymaking Halflings!

_(Boroburger slips and falls to the ground. The madness of the Braces leaves him and he comes to his senses)_

BOROBURGER:

Frodo? Frodo? What have I done? Please, Frodo. Frodo, I'm sorry!

_(Frodo is in the dentistry world, climbing up onto the Seat of Seeing atop Amon Hen. He looks over the stone seat and sees the the Head Dentist's office from afar. The image rushes towards him and his vision rise to its pinnacle where the smiling face of the Head Dentist stares back menacingly, speaking to him in dental speech. Frodo, trying to remove the Braces, falls off the Seat of Seeing and lands on his back beneath it. He sits up, trying to catch his breath. Sticky approaches)_

STICKY:

Frodo?

_(Frodo starts and turns around and sees Sticky)_

FRODO:

It has taken Boroburger.

_(Sticky takes a step towards Frodo) _

STICKY:

Where are the Braces?

FRODO:

Stay away!

_(He scrambles up and retreats from Sticky under the Seat of Seeing. Sticky comes after him) _

STICKY:

Frodo!

_(Frodo stops)_

STICKY:

I swore to protect your teeth.

FRODO:

Can you protect me from your own?

_(Sticky suddenly understands why Frodo reacted like he did. Frodo shows the Braces on his palm)_

FRODO:

Would you destroy them?

_(Aragorn, looking at the Braces, slowly approaches Frodo. The Braces begins to whisper)_

THE BRACES:

Sticky...Sticky...straight teeth...pretty smile...

_(He reaches out, with both hands. Sticky closes Frodo's hand over the Braces and pushes it to the hobbit's chest)_

STICKY:

I would have gone with you to the end. Into the very office of Dentistdor.

FRODO:

I know. Make candy for the others. Especially SodaSam. He will not understand.

_(Sticky nods with tears in his eyes, but then sees Himba getting melty. He stands suddenly)_

STICKY:

Go, Frodo.

_(He draws his candy bar)_

STICKY:

Run.

_(Frodo hesitates)_

STICKY:

Run!

* * *

Random question time! Should I send Lindir with Frodo and SodaSam, or with the others?

Oh, and I finally wrote my "Pippin takes over the world" story! *Jedi hand wave* You will go read it now.


	44. Chapter 44

THIS IS IT! The epic battle everyone's been waiting for. I am posting in honor of today, March 25! The Ring was destroyed today! YIIIPPPIIIEEEE! *tries to look serious* *fails* WAAAHOOOOOO!

In case anyone is wondering at the end of this chapter, no, I did not forget about Lindir. He'll show up in the next chapter. ;D

**Guest: We shall see, oh yes, we shall see.**

**Jesus' girl 4ever: Thanks for the continuing support! :D**

**Just a Reviewer: Lol! You shall see when I write it. ;)**

**FandomFangirl100: How very profound. ;P**

**Patrick: Thanks for reviewing and your opinion about Lindir! The next chapter will tell...**

**Electra Elentari: Yeah, I don't know what Boroburger was thinking! Thanks for reading my story! :)**

**ccgaylord: Lol, I love that line too. Thank for reading about Pippin taking over the world! XD**

**Thanks everyone so much! And keep reviewing. ;)**

* * *

_Frodo turns around and leaves. Sticky walks out from beneath the Seat of Seeing and finds a group of dental assistants advancing towards him. He gives a half-smile, holding his candy bar up to his face as an acceptance to the challenge. They attack. He smears their faces with chocolate, but they force him up the stairs of the Seat. Further down in the forest, everyone is around looking for Frodo. SodaSam searches frantically)_

SODASAM:

Mr. Frodo!

LUCY:

(to her dental assistants) Find the Halfling! Find the Halfling!

_(Sticky jumps from the top of the Seat of Seeing and onto the dental assistants)_

STICKY:

Chocolate!

_(Lasagnalas and Gimtea run forward from behind the Seat. Lasagnalas chokes several dentists with spaghetti; Gimtea pours coffee on their heads)_

LASAGNALAS:

Sticky, go!

_(Frodo runs and hides behind a tree. Some dental assistants run past, not seeing him. Across the way, Merry and Pippin hide in a space under some fallen tree trunks and bushes)_

MERRY:

Frodo!

PIPPIN:

Hide here. Quick! Come on!

_(Frodo looks at them, anguished, then shakes his head.)_

PIPPIN:

(to Merry) What's he doing? We have the candy!

_(Merry suddenly understands what's going on)_

MERRY:

He's leaving.

PIPPIN:

No!

_(Pippin runs out from the hiding place, towards Frodo)_

MERRY:

Pippin!

_(Merry comes after him, and they are out in the open. Several dental assistants are coming down the hill, towards where they stand. They stare at them, then Merry turns to Frodo, and tosses him his bag of candy.)_

MERRY:

(in a low voice) Run, Frodo! Go on!

_(Merry cups his hands and calls out to the dental assistants)_

MERRY:

Hey! Hey, you! Over here! We have dirty teeth!

_(Pippin and Frodo look at him in surprise, then Pippin understands)_

PIPPIN:

Hey! We have candy!

MERRY:

Over here!

PIPPIN:

(waving his arms hysterically) This way!

_(Both hobbits run away from Frodo. The group of dental assistants follows them. Frodo stares after them, unsure of what to do, then he makes a decision and runs in the opposite direction) _

PIPPIN:

It's working!

MERRY:

I know its working! Run!

_(Merry and Pippin run across an old stone bridge. At its far end, they stop and see dental assistants running towards them from another direction. The assistants are closing in, both in front and behind. One runs up to them, raising her dental pick. But Boroburger comes charging in, knocks the dental assistant back, and kills her by stuffing French fries into her mouth. __He throws a burger at another. Back at the Seat of Seeing, Lasagnalas, Sticky and Gimtea continue to fight the dental assistants. In one smooth move, Lasagnalas stabs one assistant with a dry piece of spaghetti then throws it, killing another. Sticky hits one behind his back with his candy bar. Lasagnalas chokes three assistants in a row, then one who has closed in on Sticky. Three loud horn blasts are heard)_

LASAGNALAS:

The Horn of Gummydor.

_(Sticky runs forward)_

STICKY:

Boroburger.

_(They run down the hills of Amon Hen towards the sound, but dental assistants are between them and Boroburger. A visual sweep shows some running towards Boroburger, down the stone steps; the others attack Sticky, Lasagnalas and Gimtea as they struggle to follow. Boroburger sounds the horn of Gummydor again)_

BOROBURGER:

(to the hobbits) Run! Run!

_(The dental assistants attack Boroburger, trying to get him on the ground so they can brush his teeth. He kills two more. Lucy walks slowly into view and lifts her bow. She sharpens a carrot stick, and shoots it into Boroburger's left shoulder. He gasps for breath and the hobbits look at him in shock. Boroburger drops to his knees, begins to breath hard, and looks at the hobbits. Hordes of dental assistants come closer, squeezing toothpaste onto their brushes, but he gives a battle cry, rises, and swings a French fry at one, who falls. Lucy giggles, lifts her bow, and shoots again. A orange carrot stick flies into Boroburger's stomach. He drops to his knees again, gasping. But he swings his French fry at another dental assistant and gets back up. Lucy shoots him one more time, in the chest. Boroburger falls on his knees and stays there, swaying a little and blinking. Merry and Pippin look at him in shock. With all the courage they can find, they take up their candy bars and attack the dental assistants with a cry)_

MERRY AND PIPPIN:

Candy Land!

_(They never have the chance to strike. The dental assistants lift them up and carry them off. Merry and Pippin wave their arms frantically. The group of assistants walks past Boroburger. Boroburger stares after the hobbits, helpless. Lucy, now left alone, stops ten feet from Boroburger and takes aim with her bow again. Boroburger swallows and stares back at her. Just as Lucy is about to let go of the carrot stick, Sticky crashes into her, and the carrot stick flies off harmlessly. They start a fight. Sticky loses his candy bar and is thrown to the ground. When he gets up, Lucy throws a retainer at Sticky and pins him by the neck against a tree. Lucy raises her toothbrush and strikes, but Sticky slips beneath the retainer and dodges. Sticky pulls out some Stevia and throws it into Lucy's mouth. Lucy screams and knocks Sticky to the ground, making him roll a few feet away. Lucy then pulls out a dental pick and throws it at Sticky, who has found his candy bar and uses it to bat the dental pick away. Sticky closes in on Lucy and in a flurry of chocolate, manages to get some into Lucy's mouth. Lucy shrieks. Sticky grimaces, and pours some real sugar into Lucy's mouth. Lucy falls to the ground. Sticky pauses a moment, panting. He then notices Boroburger. Boroburger, pale and bloodied, is now lying on his back, his head close to a tree)_

STICKY:

No.

_(he runs up and kneels near Boroburger)_

BOROBURGER:

They took the little ones. Their teeth will be flossed.

STICKY:

Hold still.

BOROBURGER:

Frodo. Where is Frodo?

STICKY:

I let Frodo go.

BOROBURGER:

Then you did what my teeth could not. I tried to take the Braces from him.

STICKY:

The Braces are beyond our reach now.

BOROBURGER:

Forgive me. I did not see it. I wanted straight teeth. I have failed you all.

STICKY:

No, Boroburger. You fought bravely. You have kept your coke.

_(he reaches out to pull the carrot sticks from Boroburger, but Boroburger grabs his arm to stop him)_

BOROBURGER:

Leave it! It is over. The fast food of Men will fall. And all will come to dentistry, and my restaurant to ruin.

STICKY:

I do not know what strength is in my teeth, but I swear to you I will not let McDonald's fall, nor our burgers fail.

BOROBURGER:

Our burgers? Our burgers.

_(He reaches for a French fry, but can't get it. Sticky places it in his hand, and Boroburger clasps it to his chest. Lasagnalas finally comes running up, but stops and watches sadly from a distance.)_

BOROBURGER:

I would have followed you, my brother. My Candymaker. My king.

_(Boroburger passes away. Sticky touches his hand to his forehead, then to his lips in respect)_

STICKY:

Be with burgers, son of Gummydor.

_(He bends and kisses Boroburger on the brow. Gimtea bows his head and turns away. Sticky stands up, looking into the forest with a tear running down his face.)_

STICKY:

They will look for his coming from McDonald's. But he will not return.

* * *

:'( *sobs* Now wasn't that tragic? I admit, I was tempted not to kill Boroburger. I absolutely cannot believe FOTR is almost finished...wowie. So epic.

Random question of the day: Who do you like better, Thranduil or Elrond?


	45. Chapter 45

I am really sorry this took so long. Well, here's a chapter!

**ITS TEH FREEMAN 12: Thanks! :) **

**Patrick: Well, Thranduil is probably selfish and egotistical. But then, so is Thorin. **

**FandomFangirl100: I know, wasn't that an epic death scene?**

**Jesus' girl 4ever: Thanks! :) It took me hours to try to decide that one...it's so hard. I never did reach a decision. Lol.**

**ccgaylord: Ikr, tragic. X( And I totally understand your dilemma about Thranduil and Elrond. It's so hard though! I simply can't decide! **

**Electra Elentari: Yes, Lucy has cavities now. In death. *evil grin***

**Just a Reviewer: *dodges flying objects* Here's your update!**

**freefornow: How could I not want to kill Boroburger? He's an awesome, amazing character. And extremely underappreciated. And what you said about Thranduil...no. Just no. Do not speak of my precioussss in such a way or you might get hurt. *brandishes awesome Thranduil swords* Jk. Maybe. *death glare***

**Guest: Thank you! :D**

**Phillip Callaway: Yay! You're back! I really hope you didn't kill yourself over the tragic death of Boroburger, because I need you to review! **

**Thranduil's Party Moose 8: My kindle doesn't have Roman numerals, I can't do your username correctly! Ugh. I have considered doing this in a not-script. But I guess I'm just to lazy to change it all. THANK YOU YES THRANDUIL IS AWESOME! :DDDD**

* * *

_SodaSam is running through the woods, towards the beach where they left the boats)_

SODASAM:

Frodo!

_(Frodo stands upon Parth Galen, staring towards the opposite shore, with the Braces on his palm. Weeping silently, he recalls his conversation with Gumdalf.) _

FRODO:

(v.o.) I wish the Braces had never come to my teeth. I wish nobody's teeth had been straightened.

_(as he hears Gumdalf's voice, Frodo's expression changes)_

GUMDALF:

(v.o.) So do all who live to chew such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to eat with the teeth that are given to you.

_(Frodo decides to leave. Determined to proceed with the quest alone, he closes his hand over the Braces, and puts them into his vest pocket. He pushes the boat into the river and jumps in. Just then, SodaSam emerges from the woods. He sees Frodo paddling away and runs after him)_

SODASAM:

Frodo, no! Frodo! Mr. Frodo!

_(SodaSam stops on the edge of the shore, the mouthwash reaching his ankles)_

FRODO:

(in a low voice to himself) No SodaSam.

_(Frodo continues to paddle away. SodaSam runs into the mouthwash after Frodo. Frodo, hearing the splashes, looks back)_

FRODO:

Go back, SodaSam! I'm going to Dentistdor alone.

SODASAM:

Of course you are! And I'm coming with you!

FRODO:

You can't go into the mouthwash! Your teeth will be cleaned! SodaSam!

_(SodaSam screams as the mouthwash touches his teeth, then sinks into the water.)_

FRODO:

SodaSam!

_(SodaSam sinks deeper and deeper. He struggles desperately as the mouthwash closes over him. Suddenly Frodo's hand reaches down and grabs SodaSam's wrist. SodaSam tightens his hand around Frodo's and is pulled out of the mouthwash and up into the boat. SodaSam tumbles in, moaning and clutching his mouth. Frodo looks at him with a handful of tootsie rolls. SodaSam, dripping wet, looks back)_

SODASAM:

I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise: "Don't you leave him, SodaSam Hamgee." And I don't mean to. I don't mean to.

_(SodaSam begins to weep)_

FRODO:

SodaSam, why are you crying?

SODASAM:

I just hope there's enough candy for the trip.

FRODO:

There will be. There will be. Here, you better have some tootsie rolls. You were just in the mouthwash.

SODASAM:

Thanks.

FRODO:

Come on.

_(They paddle towards the eastern shore. Boroburger is laid to rest in one of the other boats. His French fries rest with him, a burger is above his head and his cloven horn at his side. The boat slips over the falls of Rauros and then drops into the mists below. Gimtea watches the boat disappear. Lasagnalas shoves the third boat into the water)_

LASAGNALAS:

Hurry! Frodo and SodaSam have reached the eastern shore.

_(Sticky stands still, looking towards the shore on the other side, seeing the two Hobbits running into the forest. He says nothing but sighs. Lasagnalas stares at him, suddenly understanding) _

LASAGNALAS:

You mean not to follow them.

STICKY:

Frodo's fate is no longer with our teeth.

GIMTEA:

Then it has all been in vain. The Fellowship has failed.

_(Lasagnalas and Gimtea walks up to Sticky, who puts his hands on their shoulders)_

STICKY:

Not if we hold true to each other's teeth. We will not abandon Merry, Pippin and Lindir to toothpaste and floss. Not while we have candy left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let's hunt some Dentist.

_(Sticky turns and picks up a candy bar from the ground. Then he runs of into the forest. Lasagnalas and Gimtea look at each other, grinning)_

GIMTEA:

Yes! Haha!

_(They run after Sticky. Frodo and SodaSam stand upon Emyn Muil, seeing the Dental Marshes and Dentistdor in the distance)_

FRODO:

Dentistdor. I hope the other's teeth find a tastier route.

SODASAM:

Sticky'll make candy for them.

FRODO:

I don't suppose we'll ever eat with them again.

SODASAM:

We may yet, Mr. Frodo. We may.

_(Frodo turns to SodaSam, smiling)_

FRODO:

SodaSam, I'm glad you're with me. You do make better candy than I.

_(Frodo and SodaSam descend the rocky slope. Scene fades out)_

* * *

Random question of the day:

Who is your favorite Dragon and why? Also, do you think I should just reply to reviews by pm? The responses seem to be getting excessively long, lol.


	46. Chapter 46

I am going to continue answering reviews here. Even though this chapter is only a credits song.

**Thranduil's Party Moose VIII: Thanks, I got your name this time.**

**Patrick: I absolutely love that Dragon.**

**FandomFangirl100: NOW FOTR is finished. :P**

**Elektra Elentari: Sorry about your name. I love your new avatar! FOTR is finished! *parties***

**Lily Lindsey-Aubrey: Thank you so much for the review! :D**

**Jesus' girl 4ever: Thanks!**

**freefornow: I forgive you, my minion. *hands you a tiny mushroom***

**Phillip Callaway: Good! I need you to review!**

**Guest: Thank you so much! LOL**

**ccgaylord: You shall soon see the fate of Lindir...mwahaha.**

* * *

CREDITS SONG

When the cold of mouthwash comes  
Crest floss will clean teeth  
After the cleaning of your mouth  
We will eat a candy wreath  
But in McDonald's  
I can taste your burgers  
And in McDonald's  
We will eat again  
When the Candymakers fall  
And we come, to end of dentists  
I'll have a fine gumball  
Me chewing there  
I will eat there  
And yet again.

* * *

Random question of the day: Do you like thunderstorms and have you ever seen a tornado?


	47. Chapter 47

**Jesus' girl 4ever: Thanks! :) I appreciate every review, even a couple words. **

**Just a Reviewer: Thanks! Nice hash tag. XD #PipTheDarkLordOfAll**

**Patrick: I also love thunderstorms, but have never seen a tornado. :( Yes, here is the beginning of The Two Towers! ;D**

**Elektra Elentari: I am also a bookworm! My dad says I'm a recluse. Lol. That was actually a parody of In Dreams, the credits song of FOTR.**

**FandomFangirl100: IKR THUNDERSTORMS ARE AMAZING! As are dry storms!**

**Thranduil's Party Moose VIII: Thunderstorms make you sleepy? Fascinating.**

**Phillip Callaway: Thanks! Lol I think all my reviewers love thunderstorms. ;)**

**A Shadow Inside the Last Light: OH MY WORD THAT IS AWESOME! I suppose it's not something I should be jealous of...but I am. ;) Btw thanks! ;D**

**Girl of Twilight Wings: Lol ikr? I think I looked up funny Lotr, or Viggo's broken tooth...**

**ccgaylord: Yeah, I'm weird. *insane grin* And proud of it! ;D That was a parody of In Dreams. **

* * *

The camera pans over the Misty Mountains.

GUMDALF:

You cannot chew!

FRODO:

(looking at Gumdalf in horror) Gumdalf!

The cosmetic dentist stretches his arms and draws himself up to full height in front of Gumdalf.

GUMDALF:

I am a Maker of the Secret Hubba Bubba. Chewer of Double Bubble.

The cosmetic dentist reaches down and pulls out a toothbrush in front of Gumdalf, puts toothpaste on it and holds it high above its head.

GUMDALF:

White teeth will not avail you. (he holds out his staff in front of him, glowing white) Toothwhitener of Udun!

The cosmetic dentist tries to stick his toothbrush into Gumdalf's mouth, but Gumdalf protects himself with his candy cane, bringing a crash and flash of great light. He drops his toothbrush and roars at Gumdalf.

GUMDALF:

Go back to your office!

The cosmetic dentist puts out a foot onto the bridge. He wields a huge piece of floss, which he flicks above his head.

GUMDALF:

You shall not floss! (he raises his stick of gum and candy cane above his head and brings the candy cane down hard upon the Bridge)

The cosmetic dentist snorts at him, raises his floss and takes another step forward. As he does so, the Bridge collapses and the cosmetic dentist falls into the chasm. Gumdalf grunts and turns to walk away. As he does so, the tail end of the dentist's floss snakes up and around his ankle, dragging him down. He clings onto the edge of the bridge. Frodo dashes towards him, but Boroburger holds him back.

BOROBURGER:

No!

FRODO:

Gumdalf!

Gumdalf tries to hold on by his fingertips.

GUMDALF:

(looking at them for a last time) Chew you fools! (he falls into the chasm)

FRODO:

NOOOOOOOO!

Gumdalf falls with the cosmetic dentist into a great chasm. He is seen fighting with him, deflecting her toothbrush all the way down, until they fall together into an underground lake of mouthwash.

LOTBLOTBLOTBLOTBLOTBLOTBLOTBLOTB

Scene cuts to the edge of mountains in the Emyn Muil where Frodo and SodaSam lie sleeping.

FRODO:

Gumdalf!

SODASAM:

What is it, Mr. Frodo?

FRODO:

Nothing. Just a dream.

Frodo and SodaSam scramble down the rocks using the long Twizzler given to SodaSam by Gummywormreil.

SODASAM:

Can you see the bottom?

FRODO:

No! Don't look down, SodaSam! Just keep going!

SodaSam slips and drops a box.

SODASAM:

Catch it! Grab it, Mr. Frodo!

Frodo catches the box, but looses his footing and slips down the side of the slope.

SODASAM:

Mr. Frodo!

FRODO:

I think I've found the bottom.

Sam and Frodo survey their surroundings.

SODASAM:

Bogs and rope, and goodness knows what. And no signs of candy. It's not natural. None of it.

Frodo looks at the box he is holding.

FRODO:

What's in this?

SODASAM:

A bit of cocoa. I thought maybe if we was making some tootsie rolls one night or something.

FRODO:

Tootsie Rolls! I need one!

Frodo starts hyperventilating.

SODASAM:

Mr. Frodo! Take it easy!

FRODO:

SodaSam. My dear SodaSam! Tootsie Rolls! Tootsie...

Frodo collapses dramatically.

SODASAM:

MR. FRODO!

He frantically pulls some tootsie rolls out of his pack and stuffs them into Frodo's mouth. Frodo gasps and comes back to his senses, chewing contentedly.

FRODO:

Thanks, SodaSam.

SODASAM:

It's very special, that. It's the best cocoa in all of Candy Land.

FRODO:

It is special. It's a little bit of the candy of home.

Frodo looks at SodaSam's Elvish Twizzler.

FRODO:

We can't leave this here for someone to follow us down.

SODASAM:

Who's gonna follow us down here, Mr. Frodo? It's a shame, really. Lady Gummywormriel gave me that. Real Elvish Twizzler. Well, there's nothing for it. One of my knots won't come free in a hurry.

SodaSam pulls the candy and it comes untied easily and falls to the ground.

FRODO:

Real Elvish Twizzler.

* * *

I have a crazy plot twist planned...no one is going to guess it. If you can, I will give you virtual tootsie rolls! But I don't think I will have to. Mwahahahaa.

Random question of the day: What is your favorite breed of dog?


	48. Chapter 48

**Hi! *peaks out* Remember me? Sorry it took so long. I had practically no internet access for over a week! X( But I'm back now! :DDD**

**Patrick: I am so sorry about the slow updates! I will probably get several chapters up this week though. **

**Under the Starry Night Sky: Well... you didn't guess, but I suppose you can have one. *hands you a tootsie roll***

**Jesus' girl 4ever: We have a Golden Retriever too! :)**

**FandomFangirl100: We used to have a Black Lab. She was awesome. The chapter was normal? How insulting! **

**Thranduil's Party Moose VIII: Actually, no...about the orcs. But samoeds are awesome! **

**Just a Reviewer: Mwahahahaha. And you still don't have a tootsie roll. #PipTheDarkLordOfAll**

**ccgaylord: This story makes you hungry? Good, good. Your journey to the Dark Side is almost complete. Jk. :P**

**Elektra Elentari: YES! *hands you a sack of virtual tootsie rolls* **

**Phillip Callaway: You as well! *hands you a sack* **

* * *

Frodo and SodaSam are climbing over rocks. They look across to Dentistdor and Mount Orthopedic.

SODASAM:

Dentistdor. The one place we don't want out teeth to be any closer too. And it's the one place we're trying to get to. It's just where we can't get. Let's face it, Mr. Frodo, we're lost. I don't think Gumdalf meant for us to come this way.

FRODO:

He didn't mean for a lot of things to happen to our teeth, SodaSam...but they did.

Frodo looks across to Dentistdor and is suddenly captured by the Eye of the Head Dentist. He gasps and grips the Braces.

SODASAM:

Mr. Frodo? It's the Braces, isn't it?

FRODO:

They're getting heavier.

SodaSam takes off his backpack and looks in it.

FRODO:

What candy have we got left?

SODASAM:

Let me see, yes. Lovely. Pop tarts. And look! More Pop Tarts!

SodaSam gives a piece to Frodo and takes a bite of one.

SODASAM:

I don't usually hold with foreign sweets...but this Elvish stuff, it's not bad. The frosting is almost as fine as from Candy Land.

FRODO:

Nothing ever dampens your spirits, does it, SodaSam?

SodaSam looks into the sky

SODASAM:

Those mouthwash clouds might.

SodaSam and Frodo continue to make their way through the rocks. In the background Gollum's breathing can be heard and his hand appears. It is darker and much mistier now.

SODASAM:

This looks strangely familiar.

FRODO:

It's because we've been here before. We're going in circles.

SODASAM:

What is that horrid stink? I warrant there's a nasty bog nearby. Can you smell it?

FRODO:

Yes...I can smell it...We're not alone.

As Frodo looks around nervously, Lindir leaps out from the rocks.

FRODO:

Lindir! Why are you here? What happened to the others?

LINDIR:

I do not know. There was a great battle, we were all scattered. I do not know what happened to any of them. I saw you leave, and I have been following you.

SODASAM:

Why didn't you show yourself sooner?

LINDIR:

I was keeping an eye on Gollum. He has been tracking you.

FRODO:

Where is he now?

LINDIR:

Still near. He is after the Braces. His teeth are beginning to get crooked once again.

FRODO:

Do you know the way to Dentistdor, Lindir? We are lost.

LINDIR:

No, I am sorry. I...

It begins to rain mouthwash.

LINDIR:

Find cover! Quickly!

They dash under an overhanging cliff.

FRODO:

We can camp here tonight.

* * *

Random question of the day...

What is your favorite breed of horse?


	49. Chapter 49

**My favorite breed of horse is Arabians. They are so awesome. **

**Jesus' girl 4ever: I love Morgans as well! :D**

**FandomFangirl100: Good. I was a bit worried, because none of my stories are normal. **

**Elektra Elentari: Thanks for the review! :)**

**Under the Starry Night Sky: O.O You have a Friesan?! *dies of jealousy* So. Awesome.**

**Patrick: Ikr. That is kind of creepy. XD**

**Thranduil's Party Moose VIII: Happy Birthday to You, You are You Know Who...Or not. But Happy Birthday anyways! ;) Did anyone get that reference?**

**Phillip Callaway: You'll get to say YAY again soon. **

* * *

Frodo, Lindir and SodaSam sleep huddled against a rockface, their cloaks over them, in full moonlight. Gollum starts to creep towards them

GOLLUM:

The thieves... The thieves. The filthy little thieves. Where is it?... Where is it? They stole it from our teeth... My precious... Curse them, we hates them! It's ours, it is, and our teeth wants it!

As Gollum reaches out a hand to grab the Braces from Frodo, SodaSam and Lindir suddenly jump up and together pull him from the rockface. Gollum becomes free and seeing the Braces jumps on Frodo. SodaSam pulls Gollum off, but Gollum throws SodaSam aside and goes back to Frodo. Lindir pulls out a handful of sugar and throws it expertly in Gollum's mouth. Gollum's screams and attacks SodaSam furiously, and is about to win when Frodo puts Himba to his mouth._  
_

FRODO:

This is Himba. You've seen it before...haven't you, Gollum? Release him or I'll smear chocolate on your teeth.

GOLLUM:

Yesssssssss

He lets SodaSam go.

Its daylight and again Frodo, Lindir and SodaSam are attempting to find their way out of Emyn Muil. Gollum is being held by SodaSam and pulled along by the elven Twizzler™ around his neck.

GOLLUM:

It burns! It burns us! It freezes! Nasty Elves twisted it.

Gollum looks pleadingly at Frodo.

GOLLUM:

Take it off us!

SODASAM :

Quiet, you! It's hopeless. Every dental assistant in Dentistdor's going to hear this racket. (he looks at Frodo) Let's just brush his teeth and leave him.

GOLLUM:

No! That would kill us! Kill us!

SODASAM:

It's no more than you deserve!

FRODO:

Maybe his teeth do deserve brushing. But now that I see them, I do pity them.

LINDIR:

We will not brush his teeth. No one but dentists and their assistants deserve that evil fate.

Gollum holds out the Elvish Twizzler™ and looks pleadingly at Frodo

GOLLUM:

We be nice to their teeth if they be nice to ours. Take it off. We swears to do what you wants...We swears.

FRODO:

There's no promise you can make that I can trust.

Gollum looks puzzled.

GOLLUM:

We swears...to serve the master ... of the precious. We will swear on...on the precious, Gollum. Gollum.

Frodo walks up to Gollum.

FRODO:

The Braces are treacherous. They will hold your teeth to your word.

GOLLUM:

Yes...on the precious...On the precious.

SODASAM:

I don't believe you!

SodaSam rushes forward and Gollum runs away up a rock. SodaSam yanks the Elvish Twizzler™ pulling him down.

SODASAM:

Get down! I said, down!

FRODO:

SodaSam!

SODASAM:

He's trying to trick us. If we let him go, he'll brush our teeth in our sleep!

Frodo walks back to Gollum.

FRODO:

You know the way to Dentistdor?

GOLLUM:

Yes.

FRODO:

You've been there before?

GOLLUM:

Yes.

Frodo takes the Elvish Twizzler™ off Gollum's neck.

FRODO:

You will lead us to the Black Gate.

Gollum races off through the rocks on all fours

SMEAGOL:

To the Gate, to the Gate! To the Gate, the master says. Yes!

GOLLUM:

No! We won't go back. Not there. Not to him. They can't make us. Gollum! Gollum!

SMEAGOL:

But we swore to serve the master of the precious.

GOLLUM:

No. Chairs and toothpaste and floss there is, and toothbrushes, toothbrushes, toothbrushes. And dental assistants, thousands of dental assistants. And always the Great Eye of the Head Dentist watching, watching.

Gollum rushes off. They try to keep up.

SODASAM:

Hey! Come back now! Come back! There! What did I tell you? He's run off, the old villain. So much for his promises.

Gollum reappears.

SMEAGOL:

This way, Hobbits and Elf. Follow me!

* * *

Random question of the day:

Who is your favorite Star Wars character?


	50. Chapter 50

A/N I'm not responding to reviews on this chapter, because it's late, I'm tired, and I really need to get this posted. Thank you all so much for your amazing reviews! :D Special thanks to Sixty-Four K and CapNicholls for all the encouragement! :)

*hands out virtual elvish chocolate*

* * *

A band of Crest-Glide dental assistants are seen running across the plains. On their backs are tied Merry and Pippin. Merry is unconscious with his mouth open, and Pippin sees that his teeth have been brushed. Pippin tries to talk to him.

PIPPIN:

Merry! Merry!

Suddenly they stop. A group of Dentistdor dental assistants appear.

GRISHFLOSS:

You're late. Our master grows impatient. He wants the Candy-rats now.

UGLOSS:

I don't take orders from Dental-maggots. Sourman will have his prize. We will deliver them.

PIPPIN:

Merry! Merry? Wake up!

Pippin looks at the Crest-Glides who are drinking from a flask.

PIPPIN:

My friend is sick. He needs soda. Please!

CREST-GLIDES:

Sick, is he? Give him some mouthwash, boys!

The dental assistants pour the liquid from their flasks into Merry's mouth, who wakes up coughing and spluttering._  
_

PIPPIN:

Stop it!

CREST-GLIDES:

Can't take his mouthwash!

PIPPIN:

Leave his teeth alone!

CREST-GLIDES:

Why? Do your teeth need some?

Pippin shakes his head.

CREST-GLIDES:

Then keep your mouth shut.

The dental assistants turn away.

PIPPIN:

Merry.

MERRY:

(looking up feebly) Hello, Pip.

PIPPIN:

Your teeth are clean.

MERRY:

I'm not fine! If only it was an act!

PIPPIN:

An act?

MERRY:

I need chocolate... chocolate... choc...

Merry falls over in a faint.

A dental assistant sniffs the air.

UGLOSS:

What is it? What do you smell?

DENTAL ASSISTANT:

Candymaker-flesh.

UGLOSS:

They've picked up our trail.

PIPPIN:

(Pippin looks in wonder and whispers) Sticky.

UGLOSS

Let's move!

As the band run off with Merry and Pippin still tied to their backs, with his mouth, Pippin pulls a candy wrapper from his pocket and throws it to the ground.

* * *

Random question of the day...

Who is your favorite Harry Potter character?


	51. Chapter 51

Once again, I'm too lazy to answer reviews... I have to be at the airport in a few hours, so... yeah. I'm going to a camp, won't be back for a week. Anyways... thank you all so much for your reviews, enjoy! :D

* * *

The scene changes to Sticky lying with his ear to a rock.

STICKY:

Their pace has quickened. They must have smelled our candy. Hurry!

LASAGNALAS:

(running up the hill, shouts to Gimtea) Come on, Gimtea!

GIMTEA:

(comes panting up the hill) Three days and nights pursuit. No chocolate. No gum. And no sign of the dentists, but what bare rock can tell.

Sticky, Lasagnalas, with Gimtea trailing behind, are seen running along the top of the mountains and hills. The scene changes to see Sticky's hand picking up Pippin's fallen candy wrapper.

STICKY:

Not idly do the wrappers of tasty candy fall.

LASAGNALAS:

(stops) Their teeth may be yet unbrushed.

STICKY:

Less than a day ahead of us. Come.

LASAGNALAS:

Come, Gimtea! We're gaining on them!

Gimtea appears falling and rolling down the hill.

GIMTEA:

I'm wasted on cross-country. We Dwarves are natural sprinters. Very dangerous over short distances.

They arrive at a brow of a hill looking down on the plains below.

STICKY:

Brohan. Home of the My-Little-Pony Lords. There's something strange at work. Evil gives speed to these creatures. Sets its teeth against us.

Lasagnalas licks Pippin's candy wrapper. Sticky shouts over to him.

ARAGORN:

Lasagnalas! What does your elf-tongue taste?

LASAGNALAS:

Mmmm! Candy!

STICKY:

Lasagnalas! What do your elf-eyes see?

LASAGNALAS:

The dentists turn northeast! They're taking the Hobbits to Trufflegard! They're taking the Hobbits to Trufflegard, They're taking the Hobbits to Trufflegard, gard, gard, gard, gard...

STICKY:

NOOOO STOP THAT!

LASAGNALAS:

:(

STICKY:

Sourman.

* * *

Random question of the day... Who do you think was the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd best racehorses ever?


	52. Chapter 52

Once again, I'm too lazy to respond to reviews. :/ Apologies. But my summer is busy and I have lots of fanfiction to read and write. I promise, I love every review! Thank you all!

* * *

The scene changes to Trufflegard seen standing in a circle of dental offices. Sourman is inside, eyes closed, hand held over the brussel sprout.

SOURMAN VOICE OVER:

The world is changing. Who's teeth now has the strength to stand against the toothbrushes of Isengard...and Dentistdor? To stand against the might of the Head Dentist and Sourman...and the union of the Two Toothpastey Toothbrushes?

The camera pans over Barad-dûr and takes our eye up the tower until it reaches the eye at the top.

SOURMAN VOICE OVER:

Together, my Lord Head Dentist... we shall rule all the teeth of this Middle-Earth.

The trees of Trufflegard are being ripped down, and thrown into the pits. Sourman is seen walking through watching the dentists feed the furnaces, molten metal being poured into moulds and huge metal toothbrushes being made.

SOURMAN VOICE OVER :

All teeth will be cleaned in the toothpaste of industry. The forests will fall. A new order will rise, an order of clean teeth. We will drive the machine of war with the toothpaste and the floss... and the sickly sweet smile of the dental assistant. We have only to clean the teeth of those who oppose us.

Sourman watches as yet another dental assistant is qualified for work.

SOURMAN:

I want them armed with their tools and ready to march within two weeks!

GRINNING DENTAL ASSISTANT:

But, my lord, there are too many! They cannot all be armed in time, we don't have the means.

SOURMAN:

Build a dam, block the stream, work the furnaces night and day.

GRINNING DENTAL ASSISTANT:

We don't have enough fuel to feed the fires.

SOURMAN:

The Forest of Fangorn lies on our doorstep. Burn it.

GRINNING DENTAL ASSISTANT:

Yes.

Back inside Trufflegard, Sourman is talking to a toothbrush manufacturer.

TOOTHBRUSH GUY:

We will fight for you.

SOURMAN:

Swear it.

The Toothbrush Guy bites a tootsie roll, which gets stickiness on his perfect teeth.

TOOTHBRUSH GUY:

Our teeth will be stained for Sourman.

Sourman is outside now, surrounded by a group of Toothbrush Guys.

SOURMAN:

The My-Little-Pony Men took your toothpaste. They gave your people candy and soiled their teeth.

TOOTHBRUSH GUY:

Toothstainers!

SOURMAN:

Clean the teeth they ruined! Destroy all candy!

The Toothpaste Guys cheer and run off.  
They are seen running into a Brohan village with huge metal toothbrushes.

SOURMAN VOICE OVER:

We have only to remove those who oppose our toothcleaning methods. It will begin in Brohan. Too long have these peasant's teeth chewed against you. But no more.

A Brohan lady (Morwen) is seen saddling a pony and beckons to her children.

MORWEN:

Eothain! Eothain! You take your sister. You'll go faster with just two.

FREDA

Papa says Eothain must not ride Garulf. His teeth are too big for him.

Morwen lifts the children onto the pony.

MORWEN:

Listen to me. You must ride to Edoras and raise the alarm. Do you understand me?

EOTHAIN:

Yes, Mama.

Freda starts to cry.

FREDA:

I don't want to leave. I don't want to go, Mama. I need candy for the trip.

MORWEN:

(holding Freda's face) Freda, there will be candy there.

Morwen glances at the running people and sees the masses of Toothpaste Guys coming into the village.

MORWEN:

Quickly! (the children ride off) Go, child.

As the children look back they see the village being attacked and the villagers getting their teeth forcibly cleaned by Toothpaste Guys and dental assistants.

SOURMAN VOICE OVER:

Brohan, my lord...is ready to fall.

* * *

Random question of the day... Who is your favorite composer?


	53. Chapter 53

I probably won't be replying to reviews from now on... right now, I need to work on my stories! They're all so sadly behind. I feel so guilty. Sorry this is short, and late.

* * *

EasterEggOmer is leading a group of Brohirrim through the fords. They find a group of Brohan soldiers lying dead with clean teeth.

EasterEggOmer:

The Brohirrim dismount and being searching for Theodred.

EASTEREGGOMER:

Find the king's son!

BROHAN BRONY:

Dentistdor's teeth will be smothered with candy for this.

EASTEREGGOMER:

These dental assistants are not from Dentistdor.

EasterEggOmer turns the head of a dead dental assistant and reveals the white hand of Sourman on her toothbrush.

BROHAN BRONY:

My Lord EasterEggOmer, over here!

EaterEggOmer runs over.

EASTEREGGOMER:

He's alive.

* * *

Random question of the day... what is your favorite board game?


	54. Chapter 54

I am so sorry for taking forever to update this! All praise to my friend Guest reviewer, who kept nagging me with reviews, reminding me that someone wanted more. I admit I was a but discouraged because I only got a couple reviews on my last chapter. :/ But hopefully that won't be the case again! *hint hint*

Thank you again, guest! It's because of you this chapter got written. :)

* * *

The Brohirrim race back to Edoras. EasterEggOmer is carrying Theodred in front of him on his pink pony.

MilklyWayn is looking out from the front of the Golden Hall, she rushes into a bed chamber where EasterEggOmer is kneeling next to Theodred on the bed.

MILKYWAYN:

Theodred.

Theodred's lips are covered in toothpaste. EasterEggOmer gestures for Eowyn to look inside his mouth. She sees that his teeth are sparkling white and have even been flossed. She closes her eyes. They exchange sorrowful glances.

Together they go to speak to King Theoden. Theoden is sitting motionless in his chair, his teeth looking all too clean. He has obviously not eaten any candy lately.

MILKYWAYN:

Your son's teeth have been brushed, my lord.

EASTEREGGOMER:

He was ambushed by dental assistants. If we don't defend our country, Sourman will clean all our teeth by force.

Theoden shows no reaction. From behind him Crest appears.

CREST:

That is a lie. Sourman the White has ever been our friend and ally.

THEODEN:

(mumbling quitely) Crest. Crest. (Crest kneels down next to him) Crest.

EASTEREGGOMER:

Dental assistants are roaming freely through our candy shops. Unchecked. Unchallenged. Brushing teeth at will. Dental assistants bearing the White Hand of Sourman.

EasterEggOmer drops a toothbrush and it rolls over showing the white hand of Sourman.

CREST:

Why do you lay these troubles on an already troubled set of teeth? Can you not see? Your uncle is wearied by your malcontent...your flossmongering.

EASTEREGGOMER:

Flossmongering? (grabbing Crest) How long is it since Sourman bought you? What was the promised price, Crest? When all the men's teeth are brushed, you will take your share of the treasure?

Crest glances over EasterEggOmer's shoulder as MilkyWayn is walking out of the Hall... EasterEggOmer follows his eyes and sees him looking at his sister. MilkyWayn pauses and exchanges glances with Crest then walks out frowning.

EASTEREGGOMER:

(squeezes Crest's face) Too long have you watched my sister's teeth. Too long have you haunted her candymaking.

Crest looks over EasterEggOmer's shoulders as two guards approach him and pull him off Crest.

CREST:

You see much, EasterEggOmer, son of ChocolateEgg.

EasterEggOmer struggles to free himself from the guards.

CREST:

Too much. You are banished forthwith from the kingdom of Brohan...and all its domains under pain of toothpaste.

EASTEREGGOMER:

(is punched by the guards) You have no authority here. Your orders mean nothing.

CREST:

This order does not come from me. It comes from the king. He signed it this morning.

Crest shows EasterEggOmer the manuscript banishes him from the Kingdom of Brohan

_"__Let it be known that_

_EasterEggOmer, Son of ChocolateEgg,  
third Marshall of Riddermark_

_Is banished forthwith from  
the Kingdom of Brohan and all  
its domains from this day forth,  
being the eight and thirtiéth  
year of the reign of_

_Théoden, Son of Thengel,  
King of Brohan."__  
_

EasterEggoMer is dragged out.

* * *

Random question for reviewers... who is your favorite dragon?


	55. Chapter 55

Finally, an update...

* * *

The dental assistants are running across the plain. Sticky, Lasagnalas and Gimtea are seen running down the side of a hill after them.

GIMTEA:

Keep chewing gum. That's the key. Chew gum.

LASAGNALAS:

They run as if the very candymakers of the elves were behind them.

They continue running into the night.

* * *

The scene changes and Merry and Pippin are shown being thrown to the ground.

DENTAL ASSISTANT:

We're not going no further...not until we've had some mouthwash.

UGLOSS:

Get that old floss out!

The Crest-Glides and dental assistants move towards the trees. Pippin crawls towards Merry.

PIPPIN:

Merry! Merry!

MERRY:

(his teeth look far too white) I think we might have made a mistake leaving Candyland, Pippin.

Pippin grins. As the dental assistants and Crest-Glides toss old floss into the trees a low loud groaning noise is heard.

PIPPIN:

What's making that noise?

MERRY:

(looking up at the forest) It's the trees.

PIPPIN:

What?

MERRY:

You remember the Old Forest, on the borders of Buckland? Folk used to say there was something in the water that made the trees grow tall...and eat candy.

PIPPIN:

Eat candy?

MERRY:

Trees that could whisper...talk to each other...even move.

CREST-GLIDE:

I'm starving. We ain't had nothing but filet mignon for three stinking days!

SNAGA:

Yeah! Why can't we have some mouthwash?! (looks at the hobbits) What about them? They might have some.

UGLOSS

They won't have any, dimwit. They're candymakers.

A Crest-Glide drags Merry and Pippin away from the dental assistants.

GRISHFLOSS:

What about their pockets? They might have some in there.

Merry and Pippin look astonished and glance at their pockets.

GRISHFLOSS:

They smell nasty. (he walks towards the hobbits but his thrown back by Ugloss)

UGLOSS:

Get back, scum! The candymakers go to Sourman. Alive and unspoiled.

GRISHFLOSS:

Alive? (moves towards the hobbits again) Why alive? Are their teeth fun to clean?

UGLOSS:

They have something. Some dental weapon. The master wants it for the war.

Snaga creeps up to the hobbits with his toothbrush.

PIPPIN:

They think we have the Braces.

MERRY:

Ssh! As soon as they find out we don't, our teeth will be brushed.

Snaga is close to the hobbits now and raises his toothbrush.

SNAGA:

Just let me check... you must have some mouthwash.

Ugloss raises his toothbrush and knocks Snaga's perfectly white teeth out with the handle. Snaga screams and dies dramatically. A pouch of mouthwash falls from his pack.

UGLOSS:

Looks like mouthwash is back on the menu, boys.

The Crest-Glides push past Merry and Pippin, throwing them to the ground again as they fight to get to the mouthwash.

PIPPIN:

Let's go.

They begin to crawl away. Suddenly they are stopped as Grishfloss places a foot on Merry's back. Pippin rolls over to see him.

GRISHFLOSS:

Go on. Call for help. (he squeezes Pippin's cheeks) Squeal. No one's going to save your teeth now. (he lifts his toothbrush)

Suddenly a sharpened stick of hard candy is thrown into Grishfloss' back and he falls over. The Brohirrim appear on their ponies slaying the dental assistants and Crest-Glides.

MERRY:

Pippin! (he starts to crawl away again as pandemonium ensues)

Pippin and Merry are caught in the middle of the attack. As Pippin rolls onto his back to see a horse rearing above him and its hooves come crashing down on top of him.

PIPPIN:

Aaaaaaaagh!

* * *

Review or I will never update again! Gah, that's a terrible threat...

Instead of a random question... I want to update my story Pranks in Rivendell, but I need prank ideas that I haven't used yet. And quite a few of them. Any ideas?


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